Thru My Eyes...

Ombak Rindu

2012-01-23T23:14:00.002+08:00

(due to some advise to be more sensitive and avoid hurting people feelings and in the spirit of learning and betterment of yours truly, i revamp the blog.)

Last night i was out with the boyz, it seemed some time since i actually went out with the boys and we discussed about a great deal of stuff until movies came to play. Some one mentioned Ombak Rindu and although hecked by the rest i stood firm and argued about the most endering love story to date (by a malay movie)

Apart from the music soundtrack and the great cinematography, the movie stands out as the lessons to be learned from it. A girl, sold by her uncle to a brothel then sold yet again to a man to be used as a sex slave, defied all odds, and slowly changed the man from a monster to a caring human being. Such is the great power of love. the old school thought of thinking in caring and perseverance is something to be much respected.

Stories from my mom and dad, tell me of days when woman were a much demure creature, and man was far more harsh than they are today, but still the roles of man and woman as written in the Holy book is maintained and carried out till they pass away. For often as it is not that we the new generation forget this teaching of the old and yet lulubye by the modern age where choice is abundance and pride is king. For some of us that moan and whine of imperfect partners or cry to the gods about how unhappy they are and demand that God give them their jodoh as it is promised by God but they tend to forget that at times, the jodoh has already arrived in front of them, there is no such time as now as there is nver a gurantee of tomorrow, We have what god grants us and we work hard at it to make the best of it. Same for relationships and friendship. A friend of mine, was always saying that he could never be good enough but he tends to forget that sometimes learning and progressing is the only way to achieve greatness, so i told him that if she does not see it that it is her loss.

Choices in life are what we make of them and many a times, if we take the wrong turn it is the right thing to do to admit and learn from it. Rather than running, this many months i encountered some that rather than fight, would run and disappear, some on work and some on personal matters, some say that they are pretenders but in reality they lie and cheat to gain thier own personal satisfaction, some write in blogs, of finding some one that understands and accepts them as they are but yet have affairs with fashion designer and run back to their ex's when it suits them, some claim that they have found stability and love but yet get their priorities wrong. It is not my place to say what is right or wrong because i myself, since my rebirth in 2009, is on a path of learning, there were pitfalls and wrong turns but since WCA, i have been lucky to be in this calming breeze and as i fumble my way towards the path, i pray nightly that she would have the patience to love and accept me as i am for i know what a screwball i am.. hahahahha anyhows, its is not my place to say.. all i do in my blogs is to tell the world of how it looks from my eyes... thru my eyes.. i will be the first to admit in my wrongness and as i always told my late father, "i may not be perfect but there is no harm in trying to be"

Times, i get confuse with the thing i want and the thing i need, and times i expect people to treat me as how i treat them but i tend to forget that no two peas are the same, "similar but yet different" the only advise that i give to my brothers and sisters in everything, let it be love, work or family is that we must fight, there is no other way, fight to show them that they are loved, that they mean something, everything is a two way street, in dark times, when demons come and feed u dark thoughts, serve u doubts and says "its too much hassle, just leave her" for that is the time that u recall all the good things, the happy memory the warm touch the joy of laughter, the private joke that only two of u know. Do not let other persuade u, only you know of what you want and of what you need. In life, we are judged by our actions, driving a mad 480KM, the sweetness of buying a watch for the daughter, the effort of cooking fried rice before a paintball game, taking time to put petals of roses or planning a surprise, these are our actions, and they speak louder that words. and it is this that i hope i will be remembered when it is time for me to go to be with my brothers. Lastly is faith, faith that what we do is something god puts his blessing on and faith that we reap what we sow. I am glad and grateful for finding her and every night in my prayers i thank god for it but it doesnt mean its a sure thing, its still means a struggle and it is a two way street. For the rest of you, remember that it is better to have what you need than have what you want, for in the end, not our riches, our beauty or time on the silver screen, our awesomness on the paintball field but rather our actions, our kindness will be the tag that we will be remember by, our friends and family that stand to attest to our life and that is all that we can ever hope for.

Ombak rindu showed us that in order true love to be achived, sacrifices need to be made, one needs to remember and value the other's deeds rather than judging the faults. even the now famous song says it all, is only do we only hear the song but never listening to the lyrics, for then we lose as life lessons are every where.
PEACE

p'S: no pictures la this time... sorry.
P'S 1: the blog is not intended to hurt or directed to anyone, rather its just my personal thoughts and personal observations of myself. Thanks.

Twenty Twelve

2012-01-02T11:29:00.000+08:00

A trip to the zoo

In the snow

My little eskimo

Yeah yeah i am delyaed by 1 day... hahahahah Happy new year folks. Much has happen in 2011, it was a great year. depressed, disappointment, victory, pride and accomplishment.

As the world celebrates and awaits the predicted doomsday, we go on with life and faces the challenges that comes with it. Reading blogs and FB, i can see that new year is the one day that humans are reflective, optimistic and cheerful. For me the year begins with the missing of my brothers, untill now they are constantly in my mind and how i miss them. Its mom's bday on the 1st and usually we would call and surprise mom. this year with the launch of 1NPS, i celebrated mom;s bday at home as my daughter is going standard 1.

My greatest Accomplishment

How fast times flies, its was only but yesterday that i cradle her bald head and now she is all grown up. Her brother is getting smarter but in all with my time in work and travelling, i find my self constantly missing them. They are those that says i love to travel but in reality, i am a simple man. i rather stay home, play with the kids and after they sleep, fiddle with the PC or read a book. so how boring is that to some?

Going to ICITY

Standard one already

As for the matters of the heart, i worry about not being the right person, with my commitments and responsibilities, it takes a special person to be able to adapt and understand my life. A life that is a candle and thus burn as one. i truly hope that she understands and weather the time and things that will come. My affections, care and tenderness does not fade but it grows and im the person that is not shy to display my emotions although rather i get quiet but for some burst of emotions. for i beleive that in everything, it is a two way street, both have to work but sadly in my case, im divivded between my family, work and my boyz.

WPPL Action

The Lost Boyz is growing and the paintball team is destined for great things come 2012, it wont be easy and in terms of the team, sacrifices must be made to excel and be the best of the best and i know that we can be the best of the best and top the whole league.

Field walk at 1NPS

In all restrospec, i just feel tired at times, tired of being the candle, always the one people depend on always the one to troubleshoot, the one that motivates and fire up others. still some i tried but they never see, they gave up hope and for one thing i have always hold on to the lesson of the Lost Boyz, never, NEVER and NEVER giveup hope. fight to very last breath. Happy fighting for 2012 ...look over your shoulder and im just there fighting with you. PEACE folks.

With 18 000 people

2011-12-14T11:06:00.003+08:00

Lost Boyz in WPPL.

Its almost a month after WCA and here i am on keyboard again, guess you can tell how busy i am huh? hahahahahh well truth to be told, i am pretty busy esp with the preparation of AKR expansion and the events coming in the year 2012.

The tiesto Concert with 18000 ppl

As the year gets closer to closing, many questions play in my about the coming year. how will things be? will things change and surely it must but good or bad? at times, i often consul others that in darkness or bad times there are forever silver linings and rewards from god. Being human makes us prone to ego, selfishness and we always tend to forget the goodness of others. It is always far easier to hate some one then love em. Why is that so? when love or "i love you" is surely the most used phrase in the world? its because it is said without real intent, loving is hard because you must sacrifice urself for your love ones. Look at a mother to a child, she would rather not have anything just so her child can have everything. That is love.

Looking at the year end, as the ultimate human student, i often look at the hearts we have and often wonder how we can make mistakes or be blind? how we hide our trueself ...write about something but yet never do it, say we forgive when we dont, pray to God when in fact we only remember him when times are bad. Looking at the world, we could use some honesty and love, the world is already bad as it is so what is a few egos and pride? is it really wrong to open open and tell a person how much he or she means to u? no one knows how much time they have, what if we dont get to say what we want to say? Let me end by a short story...

Movie time in KL

"There was once a couple, she was very hard to win but he tried and tried and lastly he simply gave up on winning her. Some how through the miracle of God, her heart opened up and accepted him. He was so happy that he promised her that he will always be by her side and support her through hard and good times.

And so one day they went walking by the beach and a very hard storm came and as they walked side by side the rain and storm hit... once the rain had stopped, a pair of angels looked at the 2 sets of footprints by the beach, one agel said "look at the charming couple, walking side by side, you can tell from the 2 footprints..so loving" then the other angel said " but here u see, when the storm hit its hardest..there is only 1 set of footprint, so you see, he left her at the hardest part of the storm"

The other angel replied" that is where you are wrong my friend, for when it rained the hardest, you only see one set of footprint is because he was carrying her in his arms all the way through out the storm, for that is how much he love her"

The Jedi's

So dont ever lose sight of those that manage to win your heart and warm your soul, dont dream of your wants when you already have what you need. Being selfish is fine as long as your selfish enough for both. Look at your heart now and find the silver lining. As usual here are some pics of the week. till later
PEACE.

Birthday Boy-Fellow Lost Boyz

The last mile

2011-12-03T02:59:00.000+08:00

Forging ahead

Its December, in a few weeks we will be saying goodbye to 2011. Oh 2011, What a wonderful time have you given us. The ups and downs, the thrills and joys, the celebrations and the tragedy that had us athe edge of our seats. In this last 11 months, i would not be able to say what the others had learn. Did we learn from our mistakes? did we grow? did we hurt people? did we forgive them? alas so many questions...

Yanti's Wedding

For me the biggest thing i had learn or witness was the human factor. For in the Quran, it was said that the devil asked what was so great about human, for they are only built with earth. I would say after this 11 months, although for many i have written in the past but yet, it never fails me, the human nature.

LOVE vs HATE

The most over used word in the world, love is but something that is usually misunderstood and wrongly represented. In this past 11 months, i have seen how love can turn to hate and vice versa. It just baffles me that we can love the sweetness of others but we hate the sourness of a person. Why is this so? as we try to be perfect human and we search for the perfect love, we always forget that it never been recorded in existent but yet as humans we never fail to try, to dream, to hope and lastly to pray. For a humble person like me, i am amazed that people can profess and write about love, lost and forgiveness but yet they never do practice it when they are faced with it. Do we really know what we are doing? would we ever grow if we never allow us to progress. For some love is a hard thing but as often i have said, love is like a plant that needs sunlight, water and nourishment to grow but also love is similar to other things in life, we as we nuture it to grow may forget to water it or let it have some sunlight, thus the love starts to get weak and will usually die. So, what is love vs hate? it is for more easier to hate people rather than love them. For love demands sacrifices and understanding.

In Shadow I find peace

For your truly, the search for eternal love is by far the greatest adventure i can partake and it is the words of my father that reminds me that at times it is the journey that is more satisfying the destination. Faces with a breakup in the past, a cold wall that blocks all my attempts it was a small hole in the my own soul that opened a small ray of hope to my soul. it warms the body and fuels the heart while reviving the soul. But nothing in life is ever easy, my dad always said that we must fight for what we want then only we will truly value what we have. To some let me tell you a secret, NO angel will come down and take your hand to your "jodoh" and say this is the one for you, then you gaze into each other eyes, fall in love and live happily ever after, no guys, that only happens in the movies. For true love is hard to find, i may have stumbled on to it but was never lucky enough to make it stay and i learn from every venture of it, even now with this new journey that is calling me to take this path, the soul and heart shivers... the hope and dreams rejoice.. for one must never forget, with joy there is always pain and with happiness there will be sadness but this are but small price to pay. To have that smile on me, the look of her eyes and to know that someone somewhere cares for you, talks to you and such warms the soul and makes us amaze at the world and the mighty power of God. We fight for what we want and much more for what we need. Although this new journey somehow starts with a hiccup but i say that if not taken care properly then let me take you on this new journey ... a whole new world.

The world has changed much and in this past months, i have meet some great humans and have lost some as well, i miss those that have left and wished they would come back, even if for a second but this new path thrills me, excites me and allows me to dream of grand 2012 and brodens my hope, i pray that she will find the path and see what i already know, feel what i have felt and dream what i have realized but as more often than not, i am not one to force, to push, let her find her path to me...to God i can only pray, in my deeds and actions are the true test of and measure of my resolve. How do you tell someone your worth it, Encourage them to fight for you... you dont really, yo pray that they see it, this new plant that is growing and it needs nourishment. Times i always believed that i am destined to be alone and just but a candle that burns for someone, i still harbour hope and pray that someone will find me worthy enough to give me a space to belong.

Planning the world

As the day goes by, i met my old brother of arms and together we forge a new alliance, a new force to battle for but the last time, and as time grows so does all of us, we feel the pangs of ache of age, we find that we are too tired to find out the things and to be ourselves. So as the day grows weary and the year comes to a closing, we must learn to look at life from a different angle and take things in our hands, Let us find hope and let it grow..Having ties to the past does not mean anything if you do not grow from it, progress from it and move to the next stage of evolution. If not then we are not growing but rather just pausing, waiting and wasting while life passes us by. Take the chance, take the leap for never forget that the journey is and will always be more rewarding than the destination. As usual i leave behind some pics of this past month, take care folks.

Maskiara's Launch

PEACE.

The aftermath....

2011-11-17T23:14:00.002+08:00

Its the 17th of November, yup i have been away for a long time...hahahaha was busy with World Cup Asia 2011(for those of you in Malaysia, if you dont know that it was going on the MAN! move to thailand! hahaha) Many things to write but as usual too many in my head...where to start?
Lets try by section, shall we...

My Birthday (28 September)

I dont really plan to celebrate it actually but i was surprised that the family (AKR) threw me a karaoke party, though the ate was wrong but hey its the thoughts that count. so there i was in the midst of a 800 pax dinner at Crown plaze, that had the royal VVIP-HRH Tuanku Sultan of Kedah, we had testing time with a new team but the show when without much errors and by the time the event was over, they pulled me to a karaoke to have a surprise party with the staff and friends. I was touched really i was. and a later we went to watched a band, of which i ended up on stage rapping "In the End" (my all time fav love song hahahaha)

In the night as the people left me alone..(yeah we are always alone arent we not?) i was left missing my brothers and wondering how my life will be in the next 5 years. its hard as we grown up, we tend to think of the mistakes that we have made and how we wished we had a time machine but in the end (no pun intended) we must value life, accept what god gives us and take the chances that comes to the fullest. More i try to find someone to save me, more often than not im the one that does the saving and being the candle but i believe in the end (again no pun intended) it is all worthwhile.. here are some pics from that day..

Adik's 4th Birthday (10-10-2011)

Raya Haji
This raya haji i was in Langkawi, busy setting up WCA 2011, my family was kind enough to come and share the holidays with me... times like this i wonder how am i doing as a father, with my busy day and work, i always feel lost without my kids, i do wonder how my dad use to leave us in the old days when i cant seem to breathe without my kids at all. even so, we had a great time and after they left WCA 2011, started..

World Cup Asia 2011

The 3 Musketeers

What can i say about the biggest paintball event ever? you can read it in the many facebooks and blogs around the world for me on my blog the thing that was close to my heart was the people invlovled in making it work, PALS, AKR, RIM and of course LostBoyz. We had played our hearts out in D1 and gotten a placing of 13 but yet we didnt make it to the second round (why la you didint do top 16 PALS???) but the shadows that kept me going and the team of AKR that put in their best was what made me proud, putting aside pain and selfishness, we toiled to make the event a success, even with all the hardships and obsticle in front of us, only those in the inner circle jnow what i am referring to but yet we survived it all and best of all it was a success.

A visit by the minister

AKR Retreat

There was someone that had managed to push a small hole in this thick wall of mine and although i had tried to stay away due to the status that person is in but i find myself drawn like a moth to a flame, as i type this i am cautious of this feeling that is growing and worried about the loss of battel between my heart and my head. Still i have faith in God and it is to him that i will wait for the guide.

I too saw the side of people that i had not imagined, the sacrifices and selfishness, the ego and love, all for the sake of themsleves or for the sake of others but thru it all, it is not up to me to judge but rather up to themselves to choose the path they want to lead, just be considerate of others as dont them burn too much. for all that, let WCA 2011 be the best of a start to a new age..a new journey and OH what an adventure it will be..
PEACE Folks

The opening Dinner

Press Interview

Bini2ku PA-The team that handled admin&PR

LostBoyz with the WCA Ambassadors

Gua.Com interview after the game

The 3 ladies that constantly kept me a Buzz..great work ladies

Finally recognition- Malaysia Book Of Records

Me and my Son

Fund raiser

2011-09-25T11:27:00.000+08:00

Briefing Dato Seri on WCA

It's been a while since i wrote ( 11 days) i have been so busy with WCA in 45 days....(arghhhhhh) in most of my event time, this is probably the a true test of myself, with a new team, new boss (jawatan kuasa) and no emotional support, libra's are truly a breed of weirdness, we can pretty much standup and take the heat but quietly in the night when lonely blows into our ears, sleeps escapes and memories flood in.

The cure to my soul

Anyway, the dinner is taking shape pretty good, yah some stressed moments coming but in all the team is looking pretty solid and not much booboo (well got la some) and as such we put forth the 900 dinner at Crown Plaze, KL. Running around and setting things up, i guess the hardest part of being the head is that i have to trust the team to deliver, the speech, media, seating and most important is the operations, being an operations man all my life, it is so hard to let go and just wait , with all this butterfly in my tummy, wincing and worrying where is the fumble going to come. i guess i do have a problem of letting go, even to those who hurt me, those that although i did wrong and doing my damnedest to make amends, kueh raya delivery to the home town, the thoughts, sms, emails and everything else but yet its ignored as if nothing existed. i guess in the end it surprised me that someone so close to me can act this way, i shudder to imagine the future for such a stone cold person but looking around, seems she is going on pretty well thus it goes back to my list of me being used and abused. Many people ask me why? i guess its the hope, i may have the undying hope syndrome (hahahahahah) and it is so hard for me to let go, i tend to dream of change and some miracle that would happen which would be like in the movies. Well, dreamers are that we are, we have to dream in something so that there is hope in despair. But in all aspect, there are times that we have to let go, for me, she is gone and will be a memory, i will find the best memory to keep with me and move on with my ilfe.

For some, well for me, hope comes in places that i could never imagine, and frankly, i dont know how this will pan out in the next 45 days as i asked that i be given full immunity in the next 45 days for what ever i do (hahahahahah) as the love story of my dad and my mom.

The kids are fine, its just i miss them like crazy because of this crazy schedule of mine, langkawi, kedah and kl that has got me going round&round till i also dunno where i am hahahahah , if it was Paris, New York and KL sedap la jugak. so as we prepare for WCA, do make yourself free and come visit the greatest Paintball tournament on earth (and watch the Tune Talk LostBoyz MSN featuring in D1-more like us getting blasted)So as a parting blog, here are some pictures from this past crazy 20 days.
Peace

Ami Chik's House

Aunty and Niece

Raya in KL-Mummy's House

Meeting with Dato Seri

The day that recharges me

Adik's killer pose

Raya Photo Blog

2011-09-04T10:50:00.000+08:00

Salam....Too much in my head to write...but its not ready yet i guess so make do with this photo blog.

Kakak kierra buying her raya shoes.She is so grown up

Adik taking a break..

Mak&Ayah famous Ikan terubuk bakar..hahaha kesian my brothers tak sempat balik.
This was on last day puasa.

Kakak and Wan ketupat making time.. her first

Sebelum damage raya hahahah

Awe and adik getting ready to visit Zaki&Izzany
(note his raya drink hehe)

Memang taklepas la ni hahaha

As always Kierra the loving one

The most sebak time for me...forgive me mom

The pillars of my life

My mom ..

My girl..always and forever

Pillars and life..(one pillar still missing heheh)
Adik as usual..

The remaining Syed Nong Son..

Camera man ngantuk (Aweeeee!!!)

Langgar, the house i grew up in..every raya with Ein&Pon
and now its the time for my kids..

Checking out the chicks hahahah
handsome anak walid ni

Rare pic

The dinning hall..dulu i ingat kami makan tepi tangga
now dah senior sikit boleh makan kat table
hahah
Miss my grandma (Hajjah Tok Don)

Kierra,Iddraqi&Zara(Anak Amy&watif)
Discuss duit raya investment hahah

Mak the ever Mother to all
(ya ya nanti la cari bini hahah)

When Lost Boyz came to town
Thanks brothers..i am nothing without u all
(Sjoe dok sibuk kat SAHOCA)

Rarest of pics
Adik&Amy

Wan dan cucu-cucunya

Raya umah Ami noi-Mahirah,Daniel&Zahirah
Kierra's Auntie&Uncle

Raya 3rd day..You cant see kierra's necklace

but its there.. THANK YOU.

Adiks own playground at Ami Syed's house

Raya umah Ami Syed&Rizal

In life, i am forever grateful for what god has given me, i am not bitter of the things that He has taken away but rather i accept it with the humblest sense of learning as He knows best. If love is there it will find me and fight for it as fiercely that i am able. Seems i am stuck at the moment, with the last journey in tatters and a new journey that i don't even know if it will start.. I try and yet as always i keep hoping... (Open your eyes!!)

Alrites back to work....

Peace

Shawal

2011-09-03T21:58:00.001+08:00

And the month of fasting ends... Raya starts and again the most dpressing but yet happy times.. Depressed due to missing my dad&brothers(raya the most) thinking of those that have walked away&those that just met, where the journey would begin and where will it end.

Too many to write, the good news is of course the kids are here, sihat semua and now kierra is of age to visit zaki&izzany&tok walid dia. Im sure they are happy by this, now slowly train her. Although only amy&awe came back still, dini did come back and so mak&ayah happier. Nissa also managed to squeeze a short trip to spend a night with the kids&beraya... Time heals all wounds i guess. Her tunang is a good chap thus new chapter begins.

Last year raya, things were still so messy and although not much has changed but still many things have happen. I have changed and such. Although matters of the heart is still yet a big question mark but yet i dont feel it so much, ya the pain still tears me and i find it hard to open up or hope buttttt there are still yet hope and it is in hope that i hang on. I pray and i try for in the end that is about all i can do.

Come raya next year, only god knows what it will being but i wait for it and dream of it. For once u have hope then dreams will be born and dreams will lead to reality. And that folks is raya 2011. Here are some pics...
Peace&selamat hari raya.

My life....after raya with thier mom.

Getting ready for Yanti's engagement.

Dini and adik. He is being nice as dini taking of the sweets haha.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Mahkota,Alor Setar,Malaysia

The Day Before Raya

2011-08-29T19:19:00.000+08:00

The Shawal post will be tomorrow but just wanted to pen down before the last fasting is over.

Kierra&Iddraqi

The day starts as usual with the kids and everyone busy getting ready for Raya but as the kids preparations are ready and most of the house is ready, i could not stay home so i went out for a drive. The house TV kinda went kaput and tryong to find a remote control, took me to 8 shops and in the end i ended up buiyng a TV. Then it was the trip to visit my brothers.

Its been a while since i visited them, The cherry tree has grown so big and the leaves covers them now, sitting down to clean the sites, brings tears to my eyes, i can never truly accept the fact that they are gone and im still here. Seems like a cruel joke, being the eldest, why would i still be here. I remember the chat we use to have, them getting married.. having kids..and now with my being divorced, its just me and mom left to raise the kids.

During these past months, i have seen people walk away from things thay love and some shying away from those that would love them. Either be lovers or family but when we say we accept you, or love you or care for you (lover or family) doesnt that mean all the way? if among brothers argue till punching blows or pushing people in public or worse case scenarios, we do not kick them off our life? Like as easy kicking people out of FB or BB? in whatever matters, we cannot actually give up do we? that is the essence of love, the meaning of care. If your sister or brother hurt you, dont tell me we can simply kick them out? (yah yah i know some really do) but maybe a factor of age that they do not see it, because the is a reason for the act of forgiveness and acceptance. (heck it is that time of year isnt it) seems that its sad people just cant see it, rather give in to emotions and ego, take it from me in all my years, My Ex has had some really nasty wars but she is now a best friend and the kids benefits from it, yah we could have prolong the war and make it worse but why would we want to do that? now she has her life and moves along while keeping in touch. So the next time you want to kick someone out or cut off communication, think again, remember that God is watching and ask yourself, are you that proud and arrogant to stop friendship or family?

Then there are some that are so scared of a new journey that they hide behind a shell, If you keep reminding them of the importunity in front of them then they will say your pushing them and pestering them. Yes they have been hurt and pain is a part of life, how we forgive, forget and learn from it makes life worth living, for its better to love and lost than not love at all (moulin rogue) Why must here be pain? pain reminds us that we are alive and it is our life teacher, it is what makes us better, builds the character and flavors our soul so learn from it, take a chance, jump with your eyes close, whatever that does not kill you only makes you stronger.

I am writing this today is because i visited my brothers and as usual, a thousand and a million memories flood through me, how i wish i could have said and done things to show them how much they matter to me, how much i loved them. And though people do prayers tonight and visit graves on Raya morning, i am proud to know that they and my dad, my grandfather, my uncles, pakcik Sardi and those friends that have return to Al-Mighty is always in my nightly prayers and i do not need to have kenduri to show people as long as i know and they know. So many times, i long for my brothers and father, And that is why i write this, in hopes that it would stir something in you, YES YOU!. because life is just too short and surely unexpected so live life to the fullest, keep those that you love close and accept the feelings that you have to those you love or like, build something, create an oppurtunity for ego, pride and fear benefits NO ONE.
So as you get ready for Raya tomorrow with those that are closest to you, dont forget those that you have hurt, those that are waiting for you, those that want you but more importanly those that need you. Think of them, for one day as time and age catch up, you would be sitting with tears in your eyes asking the two words "WHAT IF"
Peace and selamat Hari Raya folks.

The week before raya

2011-08-25T19:27:00.001+08:00

Well here i am at the curve for an appointment. Yeah work never stops right? I have to thAnk Adam

For letting me the ipad for the review. So now i can say i have joined the world of.ipad users...muhahahah

Any as i sit here,i cant help but look at the activity passing by,everyone so buzy with raya preparations... Me? Shesssh blum start lagi hahah My mom asked me to pass something to family members and someone special as she thought i was still going out with her but she doest noe the truth...(my mom la not the girl hahaha) so after calls&sms sadly she(the girl&not my mom) refused to meetup and now thru her blog,i see she balik kampung alrdy. It saddens me as it looks im such a monster.. takan nak jumpa bagi barang pun susah...and tu pun amanah&pesan my mom...sigh.. but everyone has their reasons do best not to question it but sad nevertheless...

As work piles up,there a small light that shown my way but as usual,its just a small light.. i cant open up..maybe dhe dont try or i cant open up due to old wounds. Least others are starting new journey... Well as my dad said..u can only take them to the water,to drink or not is still up to them.... I guess better i stay close so wont get burned.

As we prepare for raya,wca&1nps looms around the corner,and i pray it will all work out. So happy raya shopping&if an old enemy or friend that u hate makes contact dont la be so cold... Bukan ka Ramadan&Shawal are a time to be forgiving?

Peace

500 days of summer

2011-08-21T13:40:00.000+08:00

It’s the 24^th Aug and we coming to the last stretch of the Ramadan period. Many changes and many more to come. We as humans are prone to adapt and change. Its times like this that memories play in my mind. The memory of my brothers, dad and past history takes its toll on this tired mind.

Briefing With Tun

As we progress towards the year, I have been witness to many wonderful and yet sad tragedies, For at times, I looked as if we could step back and view the whole matter on the whole then life would be so much easier to understand. As it is, life is hard to understand.

Why are there that deny love and relationship? Citing on fate and destiny to deny the fact that as such things do exits, we human still have to look and work at it. Is being hurt so bad pushes us to forget those we love? Those we once called soul mates? What crime can we equate the departure? While yet as humans try to deny it, we need love, we need to know that someone, somewhere understands us, accepts us and supports us. In hour of need to be the shoulder to cry on, in hours of joy to be the person to celebrate it with, thus lies the dilemma of love. Where each are often wondering if are they being used, is the other party being sincere? The questions that even Einstein would defer answering.

For me, the pain of falling down is but apart of growing up, We get hurt and times we hurt people, we are suppose to learn from mistakes and ensure they do not happen again. Letting go of our past love is never easy, the memories and things shared can never be repeated with the new person. It could be better, it could be worse but surely it would be different. And to me that is what matters most, the journey is what makes the destination worth while, Why? Because the memories that are build along the way, the fights, the make ups and the things shared are what makes the relationship strong. Unfortunenly not everyone has the courage to start anew, past pain makes us close up and comparing our past love to a new one will surely doomed the relationship.

Recently a new light shines on me, something new, a new journey and yet as hard as it is to convince but yet it starts, her blog put the right question and yet, the light glows ever so quietly burns and possibilities start to open itself up. Its harder but as stated it is the journey that holds the key. Understanding and adapting is what new possibilities for both, along the way if even Beauty can fall in love with the Beast, surely love will find a way. All in all it’s the heart that shows the way, taking time out for each other, sacrifices in time, money or effort more often than not breeds the care and grows the love. As the journey progress, memories of the past will make itself is a pain but it’s the joy of new experiences that binds and commits’ us to the journey.

Watching the movie 500 days of summer, reminds me of me…(hahahaha) ya the guy is hopeless romantic, always doubting and thinking too much, on fate and destiny but yet in the end, his love with summer ended in 500 days and she got married to someone else… TRAGDEY? Nope as the morale of the story is that one cannot give up hope and one must keep trying, hiding behind the shades of being single and independent will not take us far, for it is only an excuse to find others as life is never complete unless it is shared. So its is hardest to let go of our past and embrace a new tomorrow, we know that even the new journey will have its share of sad times with the promise of joy but my dad always says “2 days of rain is nothing compared to 5 days of sunshine and the rainbow after the rain” so hang in there folks, be brave, be daring, be truthful but yet most importantly believe, as only if we allow ourselves to believe would then we are able to see the future that lies in front of us. Love knows no bounds and it is blind, for ugliness of others maybe the beauty for some, no point if we are as beautiful as angels if we are blind and cruel as demons, find the wonders of others, see their sacrifices, look at their potential and the most important part is that he or she makes us happy and able to accept us for who we are. The best line of the movie was when at the end, this guy told the story of his dream girl… here is how it goes..

“My dream girl must be a babe, hot in bed and allows me to do anything I want, she should be into sports and never nags, unlike my gf megan but in all truth, I prefer my gf megan as she accepts me for me and the most important is that she is real, not some dream.”

Reading this between the lines, tells us many things, yah we want those in our dreams but yet we fail to see the other part of us so we forget, its not what you want that matters but rather its what you need. And with that.. take care folks, keep the fires burning and love growing, throw a small prayer for this soul and may I find the path that is blessed by Him.

PEACE

How it all started..Sultan's Cup 2010

2011-08-14T14:18:00.001+08:00

The week that was..full of ups and downs and twist and turns. Life is short so make the best of it i always say. In terms of work things worked out as well as it could be, everyone now on hyper mode as WCA and 1NPS is around the corner. We had meetings after meetings on the matter and much was resolved. New people joined the team and work goes on smoothly. Well as it should.

In terms of the heart and soul, its been a turmoil of a time for many, as the watcher, i often wonder on why people just fail to see the simplest of fact? there are some contented to be single but yet fiddles with other's intentions. Do we need a tragedy to only realized the vaule of things? In a surprising move, a call out the blue kinda took me by surprise and as such got me in a loop, well that is why call life.

In many things, it always evlove, my kids are doing ok, work progress and family is doing fine, heck the LBZ is also growing but still in the deep of the night, thoughts still torment me, questions on should i bother or not or just close up for good? dont really know. Someone asked me what is the candle and the torchlight? (it was on BB status)

The Candle

You burn the candle to light your way in the dark, the candle does not have a focus but rather lights all around you therefore you use the candle in its limited time, after some time the candle will burn itself out and you are left to either find your way in the dark, find another candle or manage.

BUT to the candle, it does not benefit it much, for a short period of time, it burns itself, the pain and only for short time it stays and light the way, nothing permenante and as such the candle lies and dies in pain.

The Torchlight

You use it to light your path, the the torchlight is more focused and can be used to light anyway that you want. Unlike the candle, the torchlight runs on battery therefore it can be used indefintely as if the battery runs out, you can always charge it so that you can use it again and again.

BUT the torchligh gets to share things with us, it follows us throughout our journey and shines our path. You know that we can depend on the torchlight and it will serve us well. The torchlight benefits as its not in pain and always recharged.

So as we go into life, remember the candles and torchlight around us, those that has helped us and supported us, for if they are candles then shouldnt we changed them to torchlight, after all it is the 2011 alrdy.

PEACE

Strolling

2011-08-05T00:08:00.001+08:00

Back home in Alor Setar, Glad to be back. Work is hectic but getting there, apart from some walls here and there. Trying to figure things out but as usual the stuff> we met up with Tun Mahatir to brief him and got his support for WCA which made things slightly easier but losing one of the "Dewa" is really effecting the movement but as usual we prevail.

Actually, i was reading a blog of someone and what she wrote kinda spured me to write, although i wont comment on hers but her writing kinda got me thinking. It seems, we are talking about "Jodoh" and fate, it is true that this are all arranged by God but yet, i sometimes wonder as in the old days, like my grandmother and grandfather had arranged marraige but they lasted till the end of thier lives so begins the question, is its "Jodoh" than we are they so many divorce cases, so many side affairs and what not? the reason i think is that in everything else in life, in what ever god gives us mortals, we are meant to fight for it, always striving to be a better human. As we are born in this world, we are born screaming because we need to open our lungs to take in the air to breathe, so from the moment we enter the world, are made to fight and we must always fight for we want, what we need and what we believe. i wrote once about the stages of love and i firmly stand by it. Just because u love someone dont mean its Jodoh, but rather its our effor that seals the relationship for as stated, God help those who help themselves. Reading the blog, i am glad that she has found someone and she is making effort to rebuild the bridge with the "right person" and though being labeled as the "Wrong person", i take comfort due to the fact that, in what ever small way or any small part i did make an impact or a minor change that made her find the "right person" i guess that is why i consider me as the candle mode. Burning for others.

After my 39th bday, i consider that and accepted the fact my life is destined to be without love of another woman(or man hahahaha) but rather to take on the love of my children as it is to them that i dedicate my self too. Although to be really honest that i had prayed and tried to fill the lonely space in my soul and opened up my heart but seems i get burned most times and after this last time, i think enough is just enough, i wont lie, of course there are other love that has come my way, put there by God with his blessings to open possibilities but in all fairness, as i may be close to them and care for them, an ear and shoulder to them, i am closed up inside as the pain still burns within me, it would take an effort to open my heart and sometimes i pray that they can do it and make me feel loved and cared again but more often than not, i just let it slide and just burn for them as a candle burn.

In my past mariage and past relationship, and in fact in all my life, i was the path finder, the candle and the psimaster, always cheering on, always giving hope to others, always trying to convince them to never give up, never lose each other and always finding the reasons to make them see that the love is worth the effort but now after the last blow up and the wall of silence that greeted me, i can say that i am tired and broken, i have lost the hope and effort, and though in my life now there is a dynamic woman that i can see the potential or future but i find it hard to open up, hard to take the next step, rather i stay a step back and holding on, which will probally lead to her finding someone else and me alone but after giving it all i had in the past, i have nothing anymore to hope for fear grips me and i am too scared to take the step so i stay safe. For once, let the other party make the move, let them show how we are worth it or that i am a treasure, for once .. just once.

Words are merely words and for the blogger that i read, her words are hopefully followed with action and i pray the lucky guy apprieciates her, her change, her softness and i truly pray that they will work things out and lst till the end of time. For yours truly, i pray that God open up my heart and someone would truly take a chance on me as i would take a chance on them. Silly hopes or dreams but one have to dream to make it into a reality as we Lost Boyz always says " Any Dream Worth having is A Dream Worth Fighting For"

Is tonight's blog dont make sense or sounds like a whine, then i humbly apologize, no wisdom words tonight, just me in a bit of self pity mode, HEY! give me break, i am human also ok. till then, keep fasting, keep fighting and always try to be perfect, even if we know we can never be.

Peace

P/S: This pharse of a lyric been playing in my head for 5 days, although i told someone that i would nver listen to this singer but heck, just goes to prove, never say never.. kan kan kan so enjoy.

Ku takkan bisa menjadi

Lebih dari apa yang sedaya

Namun ku tetap berjanji

Akan masih mencoba

Untuk memujuk hatimu

Mencintai aku kerna semua yang ada

Hanyalah untukmu

Maafkan aku

Sekiranya tak termampu

Untuk mencurahkan semua

Isi hatiku"

-Hazama "Cinta Teragung"

Ramadan

2011-08-01T20:07:00.001+08:00

Ramadan comes again.. Muslims around the world prepares for the fasting month, ramadan has special meaning for everyone in thier own individual way. What is fasting month? In my younger days, i remember a lively debate in australia about fasting, as i was told by my late grandmother, fasting month is about controling our desires.. Not only eating or drinking but being humane, humble and kind. We are encouraged to embrace each other weakness and ypromote the goodness of others.

For me ramadan is a special time as in the past, it was always that the lost boyz would gather at my house for the 1st day of fasting, Zaki and izzany would buy or in Zaki's case cook to bring it over to share. Ramadan would see us trying to support each other in keeping our fast intact. How i miss those days with them. I could tell so many stories..

Now days as a single father, my day starts as usua almost pike tradition, Kierra and me goes on our usual food buying which most often than not ends up buying like we have a family of 10. Adik is still too young to start joining us so as last year, this year father&daughter heads to jalan stadium to buy food. Isnt it wonderful.. Times of this that memories of those gone would haunt me, and i doubleup my doa and zikir as at least this month i do double for its only a month... Then i think of those that has walked away from my life, once called friend or lover, i would foolishly try and make contact just to see how they are doing but when rebuff by not answering or picking up, the pain kinda rebleeds, well only myaelf to blame there but i often wonder, how arrogant and proud they are thinking that they will leave forever and so above the rest of mortals in this world, that they forget of god'grace and how that we are only here by his will, i feel afraid because they could never value what they have. But i worry too much, my dad always said u can take a horse to water but u cant force it to drink. If to them they are happy and contented in being that way, god speed and god bless, only god knows right?

Returning to the present, we are home and my mom is again laughing about the wastage of food that kierra&i bought hahahah.. I slowly whisper a prayer that my mom will be with me forever, with me being single without a future wife in sight, i worry the day she goes away and i have to face this world truly alone, just with my kids ... I pray by then life would have given me support and someone to care for all 3 of us but even if its just us, we will still prevail and survive.

In all, life is about accepting and qppriciting what god has given us, good or bad. Human error for we are only humans, its the hipocrit and liar that i cant stand but god is great.. And ramadan is that special time to remind us all. To forgive to be a better person than the next for it all truth, we are but all the servant of God. Have a great buka puasa folks.
Peace

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Purnama,Alor Setar,Malaysia

Salam Ramadan

2011-07-31T13:24:00.001+08:00

Doa Malaikat Jibrail menjelang Ramadhan. "Ya Allah?abaikanlah puasa umat Nabi Muhammad S.A.W jika apabila sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan dia tidak melakukan 3 perkara:
1. Tidak memohon maaf terlebih dahulu kepada kedua org tuanya.
2. Tidak bermaafan terlebih dahulu antara suami isteri.
3. Tidak bermaafan terlebih dulu dengan orang-orang sekitarnya".
Maka Rasullullah S.A.W pun ucapkan amin tiga kali. Oleh itu ingat lah wahai semua ummat Muhammad S.A.W akan pesanan di atas. Semoga Allah S.W.T memberkati dan sentiasa menjaga ibadah puasa kita.

Jadi saya mengambil kesempatan ini ingin memohon ampun dan maaf pd kamu,dr hjg rmbut hgg hjung kaki. Jika ada salah dan silap,terkasar bhasa mhupn trguris hati, hrp di maafkan.. Salam Ramadhan
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Doing just fine

2011-07-28T00:27:00.001+08:00

Inspired by the song "doing just fine" by boys to men(a song that seems to get alot of airplay in my car)
The week past and we move in through the motions, its has been a great week, with the conclusion of MPOC five and the start of the road to world cup asia.

MPOC is over and for a team that is a first timer in D3, we did pretty ok, finished fourth and third overall in the league, which would mean we will be going to D2 next year. For me, it was a blast, the last time i holded a marker was mpoc4 and without training, it was good to see that i still mattered to the team and i could still contribute to them. Now its time to prepare for world cup asia and i hope we can make an impact there.

Adik was ill for a few days due to the heat but alhdulilah he is much better and re started his school, it is still hard to accept his condition amd times i pray he would just snap out of it and still do pray on it.

NPOC thia year will see a major facelift and a new divison with a major sponsor in it, i am confident it will be a very successful leg, come this time. As AKR grows, new companies are formed, old friends return to join the battle and new faces also join the team, recovering from a major setback, im happy that everyone is pushing towards success.

Although at night, loneliness comes knocking on my down, i seem to get better and doig just fine. For what has passed is gone, we look towards a new future and it is true that when you dont expect anything is when u get the best of gifts. If only time would move a bit faster and healing be more rapid but one cannot control such things.smiteen by possibilities, i still hold on to prayer&hope that god will showvthe way.

As puasa draws near, the memories of my brothers and father haunt me, as i ache and filled with doubts, i wished they are by myside so i can lean on them. I do have a brother now and the lost boyz are back in form but if only they are here. Still, it is my job to carry on their legacy and keep them alive in memory and prayers, even if im not a learned muslim but i do it everynite which more than those who have fully mastered islam but never practicing it.

To my brother Zaki&Izzany, to my walid, just to say, i am DOING Just fine. I will see you all soon. Happy fasting folks...

Peace.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Trying times

2011-07-20T08:41:00.001+08:00

As the week draws near to its end, this has been a truly testing time for us. Adik is already going to school but everytime i send him he cries and clings to me, it kills me everytime i had to walk away and leave him there but its for his own good. Yesterday, they started toilet training him and we have to follow at home. Being a single father makes things harder as i have to juggle with the growing company and business. The kids suffer the most and it bring tears in my eyes everytime i watch them sleep as i know they do not have the touch of a mother but accepted the fact that their mother is far away. How long before i lose the support of my own mother in bringing the kids up is like a race in time.

Once there was someone i could share this with but she has long gone and not even looked backed even when i needed to hear her voice. I accept this and move on but always wishing and hoping. Forthe young, it is easy to walk away for they do not yet have the scars of lost as i have which makes me appriciete those around me, to accept failures of others and forgive thier mistakes and guiding them is a hard thing but to the young, its easy as love will abundnce so why look back?
Help comes in many forms as the same of sacrifice, it is not only in money but of time and emotional as well, not everything is about money but if everything is judged on money than we are nothing more than an atm machine. The calls at night, the cuddle as we sleep, the warm kisses and passionate nights, the word of comfort and most importantly knowing that someone is there for you, accepts you for all ur flaws and problems is what live is all about. Not how much money or paying the bills, granted that is thebresponsibility of the man but a man needs his comfort and love, this makes him a better fighter, knowing that makes the trouble lesser. If only it was as easy to explain this but its not.

Some are distracted by the past that they forget about tomorrow, losing the chance of happiness and joy that god has given them, they rather mopp and wallow in past pain, torturing themselves rather than taking the joy and the journey shown to them. Sacrifice is not only money but time and emotions as well, we want to be loved, pampered amd cared for, to be accepted for our flaws and short coming but would we do the same for the other? I beleive that if true love and the niat is sincere that it would come naturally.

As i look at the coming week, i too often wonder if i have enough strgenth to face the coming dawn, the risk of work, heart and love, the possibility of being hurt, rejected or worse to be used but when i look at my kids, i get my stregenth from them and i know that i owe it to them to try and in the end, trying is the first step towards success as god help those who help themselves, so never lose ur faith, in life, in work and esp in love. If its meant to be then it will return. Give it a chance for we never know what tomorrow brings.
Peace.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lost

2011-07-16T15:00:00.001+08:00

It come to me like waves,
Waking me from sleep,
A sense of emptyness,
As i am broken not longer complete.

She walked and never looked back,
She will never see how overwhelmed with sad,
She took away a part and im partly dead,
She does not know that i want her back.

Companionship i may search for,
But my heart is gone and my soul is close,
Smiles are fake and laughter maybe a joke,
As i cover the missing the i crave for.

We will never be together again,
With her work&mine goes seperate ends,
Then why do hope lingers in my mind,
Praying to have her love again.

I walk with my family and friends,
Yet im alone without some1 as my girlfriend,
I would trade it all to change how it end,
Yet i sit quietly just lost in the end.

* In this short time called life, we can never control certain things, they are my family&lost boyz to keep me company but after losing her, i accept the fact that my life journey is one without someone to love me, to accept me as i am, taking my wrongs&sins and guide me change so i accept my fate, yet if only.. Yes if only..

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Exit Jalan Putra,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia

A new dawn

2011-07-15T12:37:00.001+08:00

The week is almost over but many things happen along the way. First was the bersih incident which showed me that we are truly a commited country, fighting for a new election process, thousands took to the streets to show thier feelings. I was in kl for adiks evaluation and found the streets of kl quiet and errie, with police all over the place, reminds me of a movie of which a town is deserted due to war. Scary.. Still many do not understand why it happen. Im surprised that many dont know, we read the history of how our fore fathers marched the streets for independence, now its happening where r we? Think about it, lets not be selfish about just our lives and others fight the battle for us.

The empty streets of kl

On The other matters, adik tested postive for autisume, which is killing me but i promised to fight and prepare him to beat it. Dont wajt to write much about it as its still hurts as hell.

On matters of the heart, what has passed, has gone, which is also killing me but there is light at the end of the tunnel, maybe this torture is merely a step of cleansing me for a more loving&caring relationship in the future. Yesterday, she cosented to wear my name N i pray that this time around i would be able to find the passion and romance that has been missing for so long. Yeah i love to pamper but also be pampered but well we see how.

Work is going good with the usual hiccups and setbacks, all i can say that is the last week is a new dawn, for me and my family, just when ur down and about to throw the towel due to the end of things, God shows his hand and the end is merely a begining to something new and wonderful. So when life beats u down.. Pause for a moment, value what u have rather than curse what u have lost and insayallah god will reward u.
Peace.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Cta 2,Klia,Malaysia

2011-07-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

A oldie but goodie

Berjaya

2011-07-08T01:17:00.001+08:00

Taking time to reasses my life, i took the kids out to berjaya. Been wanting to do it for ages but always tak sempat or malas pegi sorng so this time i redah aje sorng& invited my sis to join.Many memories here, last i came was with izzany, thats me mr sensitive, even the clothes tge kids r wearing has a story behind it oh well, that chapter is gone&even when i reach out, its too proud to return, guess its was an illusion ahhh anyhows, better times r coming. Kannnnnnnn.

The kids had a blast, kierra wif her normal daring self wanting to go on the roller coster and adik running everywhere. Looking at adik, i realised that i did things wrong and that i must do better.

A lump in my throat when i think of it. But i shall fight and fight on. Later i went to klia to meet my brother and pick her up frm her flight. Who is the uer im reffering to? Hmmm let time tell(dont want to jinx it)
So tmr its business as usual but i want to go sarawak but sacrifice this time...
Peace.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Second Wind

2011-07-07T01:23:00.000+08:00

Its been hell of a week, In KL to take adik for his checkup and lets just say its not what i wanted to hear. Times i wonder how much more i can bear before i break, but i have faith in God and knows that he is just but testing me.

Within the same time, my brother too got a personal test of his own. In the end, we have to battle and keep on battling, its the people around us that keeps us going and gives us the courage to carry on. Its been very lonely for me because after 2009, i kinda kept my doors closed and opened my soul but only twice and got burned twice for it. The last one was worse because it was but only a one way street, people profess and make promise but they are but only words, and words are nothing but alphabets with sound UNLESS it is backed by action.

For my son, Walid is here till God takes me away and even till then i shall always be around to ensure that my daughter and son is well cared for, its an oath backed by resolved and determination. Of course it would help to have someone to support and encourage but with the last love walking away without looking back, as if it was nothing but a speck of dust in the wind, with no feelings at all. A new journey i will and must undertake, and should a soul will be there to keep me company, i will never repeat the past mistakes, take the journey as a new one and may it will be blessed by God. For i fight for all, My Son, Daughter, Brothers, Mother, Father, Lost Boyz, AKR and all those with and around me, the last person would be me.

May God grant me strength in this journey.

Peace.

A day wif the kids

2011-07-01T14:15:00.001+08:00

Taking timeout and refresh from some tragedies and set back, i took the kids out with rizal and his family to this park in jitra. Its was fun... Kierra, iddraqi& khalish had a blast running every where.

- the welcoming commitee.

Assisted by the tour guide

Stone horses..

Break time

Meeting of the trip.
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The little things

2011-06-29T21:58:00.001+08:00

Its the little things that she does that bind me,

The look in her eyes when she first looked at me,
The way her voice soften when she knows its me,
The laugh that is contagious of the joke we share,
The way plans she would make when we meet.

The way she fuss over my non shaved face,
The effort she put to make sure i look good,
The work she did to color my hair,
How she would take the time to cut my nails.

Her pinch of love that she would give,
Her bites to me that thrills me,
Her kiss so rare but makes my heart skip a beat,
Her touch of pleasure that keeps me begging.

Her smooth skin that feels like porcelian,
Her body curves that drive me while with desire,
Her firm yet soft figure that makes me wild,
Her soft moans and gasp that leave me wanting more.

Her naughty nature that teases me,
Her jokes and remarks that makes me laughter,
Her sense of concern for my well being,
Her questions that show me she cares.

The way she wipes my spoon before we eat,
How she makes me try things i would never do,
How she feeds me and make sure im fed,
How she would want only the best for us.

The look of wanting that she has hidden in her,
Her longing for love and care that she hides,
Her pampering and caring side tjat she keeps close,
And her wants to be loved and understood.
For she wants to be accepted as she is.

These are a few of the things of her that i miss,
And it is only just the smallest of things.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Purnama,Alor Setar,Malaysia

The week that was

2011-06-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

Its has been a hectic week, with many presentations, tragedy of the heart and tragedy of the phones.

i have never been one to lose data but somehow i didnt backup my phone and on a tdc dinner, someone by accident(i think it was) into the pool. Therefore, all my data was gone, all three phones: the iphone4 , Blackberry torch and HTC Sensation..

The week started in KL, with a berjaya and telecom presentation, later to celebrate and brief the bosses, i was in the ship but a tragedy happen, due to mis communication and such, i lost the woman who holded my heart, truth in fact, she also was not really taking care of us as well, maybe it was for the best. after the tragedy it was a trip to Penang for TDC minister dinner and a birthday for my GM, and that was when i fell into the pool. the next day, a rush to the airport, to see the man of Malaysia, Tun Mahatir for WCA-C&C.

It was a good meeting and he was happy and supportive, so C&C and WCA is going to be bigger and grander now. Back to A.S then jumped back to Penang for a movie styled apology but it never happen, i was tempted to buy a ticket and go in as they did in the movies but somehow, something stopped me, maybe her response was not what i expected. Her arrogance and ego, was like she is some diva and i am unworthy mortal thus i tried and did my best. If she comes back, she knows the way to me, although if too late i wont be there at all... anyway God is always great and thru him i gain strength .

I'm Sorry Goodbye

2011-06-24T12:44:00.001+08:00

"he sat there reading the lyrics of the song, a single tear escapes his eye as he knows that this time there is no turning back, this time there is no more rescue, it is really over and she is walking away, the lyrics says it all,

His heart ache and his mind conjures up the history of them,

no one will be like her,

He misses the way she cares for him, cleaning up, taking of his clothes and room when he is in the city

He misses her supportive nature in his work, always asking and giving him stregenth in his tough times of work

He misses her passion and romance when they have been apart too long, the long kisses, the long nights 2gether

He misses all the times they stayed up and chit chat, holding each other till morning comes

He recalls how she was by his side at his uncles dinner,clapping and being proud of his performance for her

He recalls the happinest when he introduced her to his family during the dinner

He recalls the joy they had when they danced together that night

He is proud that she never lied to him about her work or meetings,karaoke or movies with others

He is appricites that she is never blindly jelouse of small things like artis picture or facebook postings

He remembers how she helped him prepare for his bangkok trip in aninternational tournument

He recalls her concern and worry when she heard of his knee injury in Bangkok

He remembers how she nurse him on his injury after he returned from Bangkok

He recalls her concern on him when he played for the next tournument as he was still injured

He is proud about her support and motivation on his team for their tournument

He remembers that wild and passionate nights they shared

He is proud of her soft demoure and never hitting or creating a scene

And all in all, he misses her presence in his life, the claming effect she has.

What he does not know was that all this only happen in his mind and it is a dream that he is missing, for this acts only happen when two people love and care for each other. And for months he tried, how he had sacrificed, fulfilling her needs and wants, he was for most times, chasing after a dream, for ever filling the empty slot with hope and excuses for her. It was never her fault, it was him. For her love for him was not true, it was more of a passing feeling, a partial love and that is why she is unable to do what he thought she did. One day, she will find her true love or another and even in the person never treat her as good, not as understanding, not spuuortive as he did but theirs will work because she would do what she never did for him. She would open up and make sacrifices to accept as the person is and the love and care will flow, he will be crushed as they love grow but life is such. I'm sorry goodbye."

In all, it is far easier to find fault of others, to make excuses to walk away and blame the other party, true love requires sacrifice and understanding, people makes mistakes for that is why we are called humans but our actions dictactes our direction. As a parent cannot stop loving a bad child, a best friend stays by his/her best friend even if the person is a jerk, we find happiness but some how, many try to find reasons, faults and excuses to make the happiness fail while others try to look past the short comings and focus on the goodnees to ensure the happiness grows. Which are we? the guy in the story is far from perfect but he tried while the girl is an beauty but she chooses to ignore the good that he had, his patience, supportive and love but rather hold back, so thiers would be a doomed journey.

Making mistakes are easy, learning from them and setting the pace for the future to avoid the mistake is what mature people do, what adults do to ensure the relationship grows. If you are in a rocky relationship, what fights happen, when he makes mistakes or she does, take 5 mins and remember the thing that made you for in love with the person in the first place and trust me the anger will disapper as you discover that its better to have a bit of rain as long as the sunshine is warm enough to dry the tears. If not, then I'm Sorry Goodbye.

Peace.

Of things done

2011-06-22T19:57:00.001+08:00

Its has been a while since i posted my blog, espicially of things that we dont want to listen. This past month has been a roller coster ride for me,in terms of the matter of the heart. In the end as Linkin Park said...

As relationship grows, we try and find things and grow together. But yet at times,not matter how hard we try it will still hit problems, we compare of past relationships,wanting the same kind of treatment. Scarificies are what makes things work. In the journey, we try to adapt, for some we pray that she will change, shower her love and care, but yet it does not happen and we are left waiting.

Times, we are constantly convincing her that we are worth it, pushing to make the relationship work. The relationship grows but times its kind of loop sided. We have to always need to consider the feelings of others, maybe our best friends will standby us but they too will soon find their own path and will go in search of love as well, what of us then?

We always try to find the perfect match for us and most times oppsite attracts, want someone who can accept our flaws not merely love us for the god. True love happens went we accept the flaws of our partners, to put them above us, its hard to understand but its true, our ang,ego,fears and doubts. To be able to call her and just talk about our fears, to hear the words "dont worry everything will be alright" or " do your best, i know you can do it, worry not i will be here,wheater you win or lose"

When we care and ask about what she is doing or she ask you what you are doing, we take it the wrong way and things they are trying to control but in actual fact, they are trying to share so they will be things to talk about. But yet its must be both way, for if not the than the other party will feel negelated, dpressed and will eventualy probelem will arise.

Butthru it all, i do not regret even one day because i learned from it, i cherised it and i value it. At times as a singer once sang "kita hanya mampu merancang namun hanya tuhan yang tentukan" as everything else in life, if we dont work for it than it will never happen, a great singer or actor will not shine if no work is out in refining their art and skills. Same with relationship, mistakes will happen and there will be tears among the joy for that is life, so take a hold of what you have, value them, better to grow what you have than dream for things that will never come. God works in mysterious ways, sometimes he makes it hard so that we are able to learn and see the mistakes, be a better person and in turn be kind to others. Love what you have, for if it walks than it would be too late. Take it for a man who has lost much in hus life but yet i try and everyday i wake up, i pray for a better day than yesterday.

Peace.

Location:Lorong Teratai Merah 1,Alor Setar,Malaysia

Directions

2011-03-28T22:31:00.001+08:00

Sailors in the olden days navigate through the darkness of night with the help of the stars then we created compass that is being used untill today. It seems all through out life we are forever finding direction. Where do we go? Its far easier when we were younger...

As we grow up the lines gets blurred. We always look to head somewhere and targets are made. Often the questions that bears down on us is which is the right path? Are we stuck and not moving or are we being patient? Was there a manual that somehow got lost in time?

How do we know that the relationship will develop? How do we know if we should wait it out or move on? Times god gives us a sign, sometimes subtle but yet sometimes pretty clear. In everything, we evolve for that is the nature of humans. If you find that ur stuck, open ur eyes and try to find the signs. We have to change or move on. Is 2 years long enough? Actually theres no time limit, it could be 1 day or 1 year.. Take the sign and decide.

Sometimes, what we have is not enough or what we need.. Does it soothe ur soul? Quash ur needs, pamper u, supporting u in every way? Treat others as we want to be treated. Be a supporter and a leader at times.. In religon or anything as it always takes two. Open ur heart and take the leap of faith. Yes. Faith.. For without faith then there is nothing. We just be sleeping and eating but faith makes us try, faith keeps us going. Although there are times we put faith in the wrong person, we wait it out.. Praying for a change.. A mutual change..

In all of time, directions are what we always yearn for.. Its sad that we have no compass but what we do have is the ability to make choices.. A choice to make things better.. There is always a sign.. Look for it.. Make it better.. Take the leap.

Peace

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Purnama 5,Alor Setar,Malaysia

Fwd: As she sleeps

2011-03-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <syedsherezal@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 9:43 PM
Subject: As she sleeps
To:>

I lie awake and watch the beauty,
The beauty that god has pun in my way,
Far I have come to be in her company,
Wondering if we are truly destiny.
As she sleeps.

How do I win her love?
To past her fears and be very close,
Be the one she loves and wants most,
Long for her love that I see in glimpse,
As she sleeps.

Even on hand&foot seldom do I see it,
Seems she is distant&dont need me.
The rarest of emotions that I need,
But yet she hides it deep from me,
As she sleeps.

No denying that she does love me,
As from her necklace that I can see,
From the glow in her eyes&smile,
Her care in her questions to me,
As she sleeps.

Will she get tired of me one day,
Perhaps when she ask me to go away,
All the sadness will then come my way,
But I will endure it come what may,
As she sleeps.

As I long to caress her wif soft love,
Explore the joys of being in love,
Sharing everything for the sake of love,
Yet I hold back scared to lose her love,
As she sleeps.

Give me even the smallest of sign,
That her love is really mine,
So I will not ever lose sight,
As all this temptation that I fight,
Praying that it will be worthwhile,
As she sleeps.

A Psimaster poem.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Passing by

2011-03-24T14:29:00.001+08:00

Here i am back in kl, much work going on with npoc round the corner,sultans cup a month away&the work for wca starts.
With a fresh team, this gonna b a massive challenge.

Here at bukit bintang alone having lunch while waiting for my meetings, looking at copules passing by, not caring for anything in the world, just having each other seems that is all they need. No need for even food. Then there are the group couples.

Looking at how intimate& lost they are in each other eyes, sends a pang of blue into me, its nice to feel that is it not? To know ur missed, cared& loved I guess in truth, im a firm dreamer of the conceptual of love. The myth of it.
But then again, here i am habing lunch alone... Just shows huh?
So for those of u in love. Show ur partner how much u miss them, dont la kedekut on emotions, no shame in it, its afterall the one u love is it not?

Peace

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Alor,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia

Remote control car

2011-03-19T10:58:00.001+08:00

Its pretty early for as im at the field for paintball training. Usual saturday since im in as.

As we get things ready, a man came up to me to ask permission to play his remote control car. I said ok, then i saw his 3 kids&wife playing with him. Mind u there is only 1 car. Do u see where im getting at?

Given a choice, im sure the wife or even the dad would rather be at home sleeping (its a holiday here) but here they r in the hot sun playing a remote control car.

Just shows, what it takes to survive a marriage or relationship. Sometimes we have to do things we dont like& like it. Support our partner, hang out with his friends, going to training or games with him. Its not so much of doing anything but him seeing her there, makes things better, u can share stories&support each other. The man too has to do the same, when she shops, do her hair or even hang out.

How many of us take the trouble to do this? This little thing that makes such an impact. If he drinks,envourage him to stop, by slowing down, be there when drinks the occasional time with his friends, being there tells him that u care for him. Times word are not enough.. Still times, it falls on deaf ears, we want ppl to change but we dont want to change. Yet we want but we dont give, explains why ppl hace issues.

Looking at this family.. Im impressed& it gives me hope. I pray that she would love me as i am,as i love her as she is, the good,the bad& ugly. Show rather than tell, there is no ego in love folks.

Peace

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jalan Kangar - Alor Setar,Alor Setar,Malaysia

The day i flew to kl

2011-03-12T12:35:00.000+08:00

Its 1035am,im on the plane to kl. To see her, the woman that captured my heart. Last night while on my way out to see the boys, she texted to ask me tagged pictures of my tome when we were apart. By the time i got home&removed the pics,she had already kicked me out of fb. Of course a non stop texting&phone call continued till early morning.

I wonder at times of the human psyche, how easy it is to forget the good but rather focus on the bad. How hard is it for us to treat others as how we want to be treated. Punishing someone for their mistakes is one thing but keep reminding them of their mistakes is rather cruel. Like a drug addict who has repented&rehilibitated himself, changed to he a better person but if we keep reminding him of his dark mistakes, we dont support him, he will surely fail to reach his goal.

Why do we push those we love? We have spares or backups? We see the short coming of others but not ourselves? A loyal pet if ill treated or doesnt feel appricieated will problay leave broken hearted..

We all want love, no matter what we project on the outside, ego or anger but deep inside we crave love. We want to be pampered, to be loved. Yet we are scacred, scared to get hurt so we create walls to hide behind. Less we forget that love is a simple thing, like a plant growing, it is nutured thru trust, care& love. Be kind and gentle to it, encourage it, support it, care for it and surely it will be returned 10 folds. Stop dwelling in the past, stop searching for the right one & stop blaming god that ur jodoh has not arrived, what god u is the best for u, work at it & fight for it. Its easy to point& blame others for their mistakes but are we truly perfect without flaws of our own. Its easy to make mistakes the hard part is changing urself to remedy the mistake and face the person that was hurt and beg for a second chance. Its easy to say i forgive u but its harder to let it go and start things fresh. Life is already hard as it is why do we want to make it harder?

The woman that stole my heart is truly an enigma to me, can she be a life time partner? Will she be able to love me for my defects, will she be able to be the mother to my children? Will she love me in my most darkest of days? I dont really know.. From the 1st time i laid my eyes on her i knew, in the early months, i kept giving but her lifestyle didnt much reflect a promising future. I made a big mistake by not being there during her time of need, although i was there in other times but that is not important it seems. I know that deep in my soul, its telling me that she is the one. She is the one that completes me. But i cannot do this alone. There are needs&wants. Can she meet me half way? Her change now inspire me to be a better person and soar higher but will she be there for me? Will she finally admit her feelings and accept what god has provided? Or will she walk away?

And that is why im on this early plane to KL.. To find out if she is there for me.

Peace.

Sent from my iPhone

A good day

2011-03-03T09:52:00.001+08:00

A good day

The day begins with your voice,
Knowing that im in ur thoughts,
Feeling the warmth of ur smile,
Then i know everything will be nice.

A mid day that hears ur concern and care,
As i have u in my mind the while day,
With unspoken words that i cannot say,
Awaitng ur heart i will surely bear.

An evening of a work,
Yet awaiting ur text or call,
As we wait for the sky to be dark,
I cant wait to present u my all.

A night that begins with dreaming,
The touch,care&kisses that im missing,
A sense of longing and ache that im feeling,
As my eyes shut,i pray as it bolster my hoping,
That tomorrow the joy of love will begin.

All in all its a good day for me,
Simply because your in it.

Have a good day syng.. Im missing u.. As im urs..always..
Syed Sherezal Shahabudin.

Sent from my iPhone

Pink pallets

2011-02-05T02:34:00.001+08:00

It was time..we hit the podium as runners up as we lost the final to infectius.no no this is not about paintball but rather about love.
Love is the most overused word in the world.how do u know that ur in love? In my mind, love is when u can accept the other for what they r the good, the bad & the ugly.to b able to adapt & see through the good days.easy to say but hard to do.sacrifices will have to be made.
They r some that have been burden with such rotten luck that when something good comes their way, they cannot accept it but rather digging & finding ways to sabotage their own happiness, how does we save the love?when it shows in front of them but they rather ignore it, find faults in it then accepting it for what it is.For one can try but the end result still comes from the person.
They r some that keep saying they r waiting for a sign from god but failing to see that god has already gave them the sign.dont tell me that they need a sign board?
As of everything else, we bread to work at it.imagine beethoven, the greatest pianist of our time, yet with god giving him the talent, if he didn't work at it or put his effort at it then what would her become?
Remember god gives, it's up to us to make it work.. Dont waste the chance.
Peace.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Morning

2011-01-12T08:01:00.001+08:00

"Her warm lips that welcomes me,the soft curves that excites me,the eyes that hints of love&care,the laughter that lifts my dark clouds,her touch that buzz me,her presence that calms my soul. This a just a few reason why I'm in love with her"
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Hello Shawal again..

2010-09-10T03:02:00.001+08:00

Here comes Shawal again, across the world, millions of muslim prepare to celebrate the ending of fasting month, As usual i get a emotional during this time of year, for those who know, you would know that this are the times that the feeling of loss of my father and brother hits the most, including the fact that this is the second time im celebrating it as a single parent.

Much has changed since the last raya, business seems to improve with not only a CC but a paintball park and 6 big events coming along the way, This is contributed by the strong support that is given my the brothers, the trust and faith and support in realising this dream. For if it was a few years ago, i am sure that it could have never been done. The ideas, solutions and projects are from God and it is us the vassal that complete the work.

Many asked about being a single parent and during the journey from one Shawal to this one, i have met many that could have be a partner but sadly, they were found not worthy for some reason or another, looking back i guess it was all done for a reason, the greatest joy now.. For those that are sad and in lost, let me share something..

Last raya, i had thought that my life was virtually at the end, no work, no mrs and lost my daughter, the fact that my son was with me fuelled me to go on and faced the world. For if not for him i would not know where i would have ended up. As time goes by and with the will and blessing of god, i found hope, support and strength from family and friends. Friends that was once forgotten and family that was once never so close. Help came from the least expected areas and so did business and opportunities. A year later(Muslim Calendar) i am far more stable with tons of work and the best part is that my daughter is back with me. Her return has brought out my son from his closure and day by day he is improving to become the vibrant child that he should be. Of course there are hardships and scarifices that had to be made but in the end, it served as the stepping stone and a guiding path to a greater goal. As others ask about my personal life, for now, i am contented to spend it with my children and getting closer to the family, yes of course that it does not chase away the lonleness and the need for love but like i said, sacrifices need to be made, so i don’t go chasing or looking for it, just grateful for what i have and gathering my efforts for a better tomorrow.

If you find this raya lonely and quiet or angry with what you have to deal with, Please don’t, look for that silver lining and remember to find your strength, preserver and have faith in god almighty, for it is from him that everything comes from...

Peace and Selamat Hari Raya...

Selamat Berpuasa

2010-08-10T11:11:00.000+08:00

My name is Syaaban. I m advising U that my neighbour Ramadan will b visiting U soon with his wife Puasa & 2 kids Sahur & Iftar. They will b accompanied by 3 grandchildren Rahmat, Barakat & Tawba. They wil leave soon enough by Eid Airlines. B a good host & maybe they will let u go to their house in Jannah.
Hahahaha, Salam Ramadhan.

(Used with Permission)

Thoughts

2010-05-04T01:22:00.001+08:00

Thoughts by Sy.Sherezal.
Its early morning but my eyes r wide,
Thoughts of you that fills my mind,
Looking at u its peace that I find,
In a dark hour when the world is unkind.

I know it scares u of how I feel,
Tell me how to make u believe,
With u by myside so much to achieve,
Thus taking our place as king&queen.

Relax my angel don't be worried,
For my thoughts of u are very pure,
Find it in ur heart so that we might share,
A journey of discovery with love&care.

Hush pretty all will be fine,
As we dream of days and nights to keep,
Missing the touch of ur hand in mine,
The sparkle of ur eye that is so deep.

Accept this humble gift from me to u,
May it put a smile in days of dark&blue,
Merely simple words but they r true,
The muse that inspire me that is you.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Some people

2010-03-21T02:15:00.001+08:00

Its pretty late&i haven't updated my blog for some time. Didn't bring my laptop so I guess,this phone will suffice for now.
As the month of March passes by(pretty fast to me) I saw how some people can't see the most obvious things,(Blame the movie Confuicios that I just saw).
Some people actually think that they are helping you when in real fact they are just using you,of course in helping them,you do gain some benefits but if you setup a candy shop then do scream at the candy staff when you don't provide the candy to sell,especially if it becomes a match of dare,the owner says sell the candy while the seller say give me the candy thus its a deadlock.
There are also some people,who profess their love&dedication to their so called boyfriend/girlfriend but yet expect you to be on their beck&call,to be on standby to bail them out or to cheer them.True enough you did this in the past but that was so they could decide what they wanted&not be on a reserve bench.
Then their are some that flirt with missing you or their child but yet it was their own actions that lead to the current situation&yet they just sit idly by&moan&whine but never do anything to resolve the matter. Every one makes mistakes&take it from me,losing those I love has thought me that life cannot be talen for granted,take what you have,value them.right your wrongs and make amends. Remember God is always watching,if he keep giving you signs but you ignore them then you risk his wrath,for one day you would wake up to find you have lost what youlove most&even those who you love don't even know who you are.
Actions always speaks louder than words but yet,we must always be able to see the actions and recognize them for what they are,there is no need to always find fault but rather think the best of it because at the end of the day,is that not what you want all and not just some people to think of you?
Think about it..Don't let it be too late.
Peace.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Happy Valentines

2010-02-04T03:29:00.001+08:00

Aye,valentines day is around the corner.wat r u going to do 4 your loved ones? Guys,let me tell u tat Valentine day is a day for men. MEN?how can that be?its for girls,with flower&choc's&what not,how can it be a day for man?
Aaaaaa let me tell you.(Girls,go get ur bf/husbands&wat not to read) valentines is the one day in the year that a man can be truly romantic&not get hammered by his friends.this is the day that you can ask for forgiveness&go cooko&ur partner will not think of sending you to tanjung rambutan.if u had always dream of sending poems or special gifts,well now is the time.remember showing u love&appricite them will take u a long way.
If my valentine was around then there was so many plans in my head. Honestly its all hard as its not ur normal valentone for me,to me its like the day I can truly show her my feelings,sadly she will be away thus I have to hope for next year but for the rest of you out there,go on,pull out all the stops,show her how much u love her coz u might not b there for the cming one. Be original but most importantly be urself. Happy Valentines Day!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

22 days of January

2010-01-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

22 days into the year and things are moving and moving and moving. Iddraqi has finally come out of his shell, no more in a world of his own but rather becoming more towards himself. I guess mom did a great job in pushing him out of his shell. As for me, well the work is growing, the organization is being laid out and for once since a long long time, i feel that i am actually making a diffrencence, like there is hope at the end of the tunnel. The last time i guess was when we had Iweb and we had strive so hard to achieve it, we had the lost boyz and we had each other. someone told me once long time ago that no matter how good Maradona was he still needed his team mates. that is so true,you can be the best player but if your team sucks then so would you (C.Ronaldo, i really hope your reading this hahahahah)
the coolest thing was finding a kindered soul in the most unlikely place. A phone call from sarawak and a rendezvous encounter in Penang, all i can say is wow. God sure knows how to set things up. Also this past month, i have met good friends and new sisters, as weird as it sounds, helping others is actually helping me (yup i dont get it too) but it does, as you listen to a problem or help others then somehow your troubles seems to disappear and you feel stronger. There was an issue with a person who could not let go, and i had hope to help them see that there are times you just have to let things go and be strong enough to make the change, though i dont think i did much good in that case. i just pray that it helps. We live in a life that is always entwine with others, community dictates that we evolve and adapt. we must adapt, for that is the purpose of life and we must fight. Dont let guidelines and rules control us, rules are there to guide us but as we evolve we become better, more mature and able to think for ourselves. So fight for what you want, times the pain and hardship bears down on you but remember the finishing line. think of the rewards that awaits you. So fight and keep on fighting. Always remember, what dont kill you, only makes you stronger..
Peace

1st day of 2010

2010-01-01T23:41:00.001+08:00

39 minutes till the 1st day of 2010. How are you resolutions coming along? Making progress? Every year, someone some place, started this tradition of making promises on new years, this are mostly more like promises that would never happen (The world's first know slacker)As such, we are now bound by this silly tradition. THe famous one for smokers would be to quit smoking( i never ventured through this road, as i know i cannot walk the path) THus time i would like to make a change, and give out wishes for the new year rather than making promises i cant keep.

For Sons&Daughters:
>I wish you all a happy new year. Resolve to understand your parents as most times in life, you expect and want them to accept you for who you are but if you dont give them the chance to know than, how would they be able to accept you?
For Fathers&Mothers:
>I wish a happy new year to you: Resolve to be open minded and understanding, you sometimes forget that there was once when you were that age and very resistance to order as well, if you do not want your children to live your mistakes or do things that you did then you should sit down and talk to them. NOPE, not a lecture sitdown about the good and bad of life but rather, talk to them at par, tell them your story. Of your mistakes and how did it effect you, how did you recover, the lesson's learned from it. Preaching goodness to our children may look good but they (the children) need to know that you are human being too, able to make mistakes and most importantly able to rectify and improve from those mistakes.
For Newly Wed Couples:
>A Happy new year to both of you. A union of marriage is a scared thing.. Resolve to be true to your partner and you, be strong. especially when the trouble clouds blow on your ship and the storm rains down on it. Remember that a union is forever. Be strong, dont take the easy out and give up. It is for more easier to give up but understand, Divorce is never good and a true marriage will stands through the test of time. Marriages will always be tested, be strong and understanding, even if you lose your way and make mistakes, remember that your partner has chosen you for life and you know that by being humble and apologetic will heal the wounds, you know how to win his/her heart the best. Dont be tempted with the other side (affairs) as the grass is always greener on the other side, remember that your partner has accepted you for you BAD habits as you have. Even if you sway and lost to temptation, be strong and honorable enough to make a comeback and win your place again, especially if you are gifted with children, for nothing is worse than a broken home.
For all:
>Happy new year and welcome to 2010. Be strong, be postive and most importantly be humble, we living on borrowed time and we must live behind legacy and justice for all. There is no need for war as we are the only specis that has the ability to improve and think, we are not tigers or lions, we are HUMANS so lets us all act the part. Let us look into the bigger picture. If one of us starts to think of others before ourselves, than we are making a postive step towards a better person and greater world. Remember Micheal Jackson: Man In The Mirror. It is a start for all of us, god has give us another year, lets us all make the best of it, repent, attone for our sins, mistakes and stupididty, make amends to those who have been hurt by our actions. Lets us make this journey together.
HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!

Tik tok tik Tok

2009-12-31T03:53:00.001+08:00

good god its 330am already on a 31st. SO hard to sleep at night now days. Eyes sleepy,body tired but somehow sleep escapes me. Tengah dok layan Footloose tadi on astro. I was so young when i watched it the 1st time. After watching it again, well one thing is for sure.Kevin Bacon cant dance..LOL. Within the FCBK space:its tik tok tik tok. everyone wondering why.
2010, i turn 40 babe. 30 years ago, on 31st Dec if u had asked me what will happen in 10 years, there was no way i could predict this. As i am typing this, iddraqi is sleeping beside me, ya he prefers the mattress on the floor and its been a hot night. I am tired of whining and playing the same tune. Just want to say that i wish my brothers were here, you never know what you miss untill its gone. so many things to do so little time. I have always had this gut feeling that i wont live long, little did i know that at the age of 40, i would outlive my brothers and be an only child. HAH! we use to joke so much about this in the old days, Zaki being the number one choice. hahahahah
New years is around the corner, usually pretty hectic coz my moms and toklid birthday and of course not forgetting resolutions, for 2010? hmmmm

Get Kierra Back
Get the Famliy back together again
Closer to God
Focus and Focus
Makes tons of Money (so can retire early)
Unite the cousins and guide them
Bring up Genx group and crown the new KIng of the clan..

So many things, for years i didnt see, that although i may have lost my brothers but within the cousins are brothers and sisters that i can count on, for that, thanks 2009. i thik since Zaki passed, i have never fully recovered but i am now, i guess it takes a GREAT tragedy to wake me up and now i am awake. Psimaster is back. The Don is in the house, let the journey begin. As i go tik tok tik tok, i hope that when i pass, if i can achieve 15% of the legacy of my father, i will go a happy man. If i can bring my children to be as their uncles and aunties (my cousins) in heart, thinking, loyalty, adat and most importantly the SHAHAB spirit than i would considered job done. You can find wealth, you can find wife (or husband) but you cant find family, family finds you, you cannot choose nor can you reject. Your were so right lid, so many years ago "No Man Is An Island"
Tik Tok Tik Tok...

Goodbye and Hello's

2009-12-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

Its the 28th and only a few days left till the the start of a new year. As commented by a very close and dear friend recently,"Psi, you hade a very tough 2 years" in many sense, i cannot agree with him more. Going on in writing this, i guess pages and pages of whining can be produced but as usual, in is within this space that i take a step back and review things..thru my eyes.

Goodbye
A wise person told me today that in order to progress and heal oneself, we must "redha" accept what is given to us and move on. through this troubled times,it is far easy to say "get over it" or "be Strong" For it is the human weakness that in times of hardship or depression that we tend to hang on and constantly remind ourselves of the past, the pain and trying to analyze where it went wrong. This puts us in a dark and cold place.
Thus,instead of saying goodbye to the misery of the year, the failed and wasted 5 years, the pain, the lies and the loss that has happen. I say goodbye to year 2009, of Adik starting to walk and forming words. A year of when Kierra started going to pre-school,A celebration of my brothers wedding and many other happy memories.
I thank 2009 for bringing me closer to the famliy, to the uncles and cousins, to allow them to know me as i am getting to know them. For opening new opportunities and partnerships and for allowing the spark of hope to blossom, which leads a new beginning.
There is no denying the pain,misery and heartache that came with the lies,deceit and loss but we prevail and 2009 has shown me that there others too out there that constantly struggle in this life to make this life the best it can be.They too has been cheated,lied to and constantly put down but they strive as i too learn to strive to be better and rise above it all. We are humans afterall and we learn, look not to the dark clouds and shiver but rather at the thin silver lining and rejoice.

Hello's
The year 2010, brings forth new hope, new relationships and new beginnings. New battles and new wars, though in essence it is the same war but on a new field. It gives me new hope to carry on and burning the torch, to find a true soul to share the fights, to lend my strength to those in need and my wisdom to those who desire it. I pray the al-mighty god that he gives the strength to face the test that he puts up for me. i look forward to the changes in store and the challenges ahead. May it bring a brighter future for my children and I. I will find a way to bring my 2 children together and not deny them what is god given to them.

I finally "redha" for the lost of the 5 years, let the pain,misery and loss be my fuel to press on and make a stand, My daughter, for when you question this part of your life, i pray that this will later help you understand,i am trying and will never stop trying to bring you safety home. I understand now, why God planned it this way, trying to clean the foul from my life and i know in my heart that i have given it all to work it out but there are somethings in life that even the purest of things cannot clean. yes,it hurts and yes it drives to a point of madness but for all this is why we have God to turn to and to ask his favor. Let us pray and prepare ourselves for a brighter 2010, a harder and challenging journey, take my hand and lets us start this journey together.

Ina&Joe-Finally Langkawi Hari YSB 09 Amy&Watif
**So Many good memories...no space already**
Izzati Athira Darulaman Sunway

What a week...

2009-12-20T01:55:00.001+08:00

Arlo to all,

Man its been a hectic week but just to remind myself that life goes on and soon xmas will be here yet again. Last year this time,was the start of the braking of pieces and this time around?i also donno la. just to update everyone, i went to see Avatar today. MAN!!! it rocks...4 thumbs up (including my toe's heheheh)
as i was early, manage to catch some good previews...man the year 2010 looks like tis gonna rock. The year will be a start of sorts i guess, finally the dream is coming to light, i hope that i have the strength and courage to make it happen...well till later...adios...

Fathers Day..

2009-11-23T22:54:00.001+08:00

I know that father's day has long past but i just came back from my cousin's wedding, so i thought i share it with you all.
In a lot of sense, when we say cousins in my family, it means more than that. Ya normal family has cousins and such forth but the closeness that has been forged between us is far more than normal families. Our cousins are more brother and sisters in many ways, raised as best friends from children, with all the normal teenage mishaps and pranks within the family, therefore its no wonder that weddings and other functions , we would converge. Anyway before I get carried away, this piece is about fathers.
This particular wedding of my cousin, 90% of the family clan came and it dawned on me of the preparation that the parents had to go through to ensure the success of the event. This is of course not to mention, the uncles that came from far and near, arranging their children and what not to ensure a smooth flow of things. The funny part was that the wedding proper was held in a hall, which many of us had never been to, we had to convoy our way down and it was then I realized how closely we were all connected.
What caught me on this day was, many people stopped and ask me if I was Syed Nong's son, when I answered yes, they would tell me that I look like him. This I guess would be the biggest compliment I could get. After all these years, its times like this gatherings that his presence and my brothers would be felt. Looking at the messed up life unfolding before me, I would really cut off my arm to have him, I know for a fact that he manage to touch everyone's life and in his own way made everyone feel special. Being a father is never easy, people always say senang aja. Cari duit and make sure all taken off but it is never that simple, a father is the protector of the family, no matter what you can find a replacement for your father, same as mother also, its sad that children with nature mothers and fathers have to depend on step or surrogate father or mother due to unintelligent decisions made by those that were suppose to look out for them. Anyhow, as the day moved on, I met more of my father's friends and family and more stories of this wonderful man that regretfully my children will never meet but I can tell them stories and pass on to them the values that was passed down to me. The importance of FAMILY, Education and Loyalty. In this day and age, many cases we read of youth as young as PMR being caught wet "tangkap Basah"or youth leaving school in form 3 or throwing of babies or passing their babies to relatives to raise. It is sad and thankfully due to the closeness of our family, we always work things out, no issues of going to beat up on family members with baseball bats as we read in the newspaper. As I recall this, a gentle tugging on my sampin and it was my son, looking up on me. I have a big duty in front me, a great responsibility on my shoulders and of course not forgetting my daughter, who is very far away from me .. something I am trying to resolve .
For those reading, take a moment and go to your dad and mom. HUG THEM! TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. There is NO replacement for them and cherish them as they is no tomorrow. Till next time. Happy Hunting..and peace.

Family Ties..

2009-11-13T01:28:00.001+08:00

Actually i wanted to write this quite some time ago but i have been busy, ya ya people like me also got work to do.
For those who dont actually know, i come from quite a big family, my dad was the eldest of 11 brothers, therefore you can just imagine the size of my family. Years ago, while my dad was still around, he would always tell me, "no man is an island"and towards his last years, he would instill in me to always stay close to the family. Me being the noob kid was always defiant and stubborn. then one day he was gone.

From that moment on, i realiased that i was totaly alone, mom was shocked and my brothers was far too young to understand, the family being the protective kind, came in to support and look out for us, my grandad was very concern of our well being and we were constantly looked after by him. i couldnt take the toll of pain, joined the airlines and was packed off to Sabah. For 3 years i was in the airlines, till one day i up and quit. Just like that. over the years, my brothers had grown and Zaki came to join me in KL, laters years Izzany came to join us as well. Thus there was the famous 3 stooges living in KL. To list out what happen to us or what we did, would take a long time and lets save it for another day. safe to say, we defied the family on many turns but all the while turning back to them when there was no where else to turn. The famliy never turned their backs on us, even when we did (or so we thought) but the point is what my father said came ringing in my head for the 1st time. Famliy! Family!

My life turned or as i like to put it, changed chapters on my wedding day. That was the second journey. Unfortunely we lost Zaki right after my wedding. I was lost. Zaki, who is my closest brother and ally for all my life is gone. till today i cant get over it, when my first child was born, i named her Zakierra, in honor of the uncle that she never met. During my marriage years, i tried and did my best to be the best husband, then life changed my chapters again. Zakierra was born.

The moment i laid eyes on this tiny miracle, i knew life was never gonna be the same again. I quit partying, drinking and devoted my time to provide her with the best things i could afford to give. Nong Iddraqi folowed and i had my perfect pair. After years of being in KL rat race, i decided to call it a day and return home to Kedah to raise the famliy. My plan was building a stable life for the famliy.The fact that i lost Izzany and never forgave myself for not being there for him during his last days, haunt me daily. I came back, found a stable job and for the first time in my life, everything was going according to plan, things were looking good, that is till life changed chapters on me again.

Not going into details, lets just put it that my partner decided to close the company and took off with one of the assets at the same time. Losing focus and going out of mind, i came back home. Broken, defeated and exhausted. all this while the biggest battle for my children was coming. I had no where to go or turn too. daily i looked at my son and swore to get her sister back. then the family came to my aid. with god's blessing and guidance, things start to open up and even as i write this, my heart is crushed because 5 years just went down the drain and im back at square one, no exactly how i planned to celebrate my 40th birthday but you can only plan, only god can grant, it bring tears to my eyes as the famliy rallied behind me, each in their own way, provided me support and options but something that i am not sure they know, they gave me HOPE. as all things with HOPE, i get a second wind, as i am focusing on my son and bringing back my daughter, they have given me a second lease on life. i learn not to question what god has put in my path but rather to be thankful of what he has given me, good and bad, because you wont know the value of good without the bad. no amount of preaching or nagging cant replace 1st hand experience, now after they have rallied behind me, i too shall rally behind the family, not to look at what in its for me but rather doing things for the sake of the family, without ulterio motives or agenda, yes! folks, invest in the family as they invest in you, you can never go wrong. i write this to those that feel family is a nueasence or that you can live without them, THINK AGAIN! please remember you are nothing without your family. remember and crave it in your heart.

That my dear friends is what famliy is all about, not only there when you need them but always there, it took me a long time to realized it but better late than never, now even tempted by other big offers, i pledge to stay here, make my contributions to the family and let my children understand the important lesson that their grandfather wanted to teach me, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. Dont wait, look at your family, brothers, sisters, uncle, auties, granddad, mother and father. Cherish them, value them and invest in your family, afterall FAMILY ALWAYS TAKES CARE OF ITS OWN.

till next time, happy hunting and remember, dont look at darkness of storm but rather look for the silver lining in the clouds.

Sherezal

Denial...Is there a cure?

2009-11-01T23:15:00.001+08:00

The world premier 2012 is well coming soon, According to the Mayan Calender, the world ends on 12th December 2012, If this happens to be true then WHAT THE HECK! I am Still alive!!.i was hoping that i would be long gone by then..heheheh anyhow, its been a while since we muse and ponder...lets poke at the title shall we...

First lets digest what the word means, according to wikipedia:

Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. ^[1] The subject may use:

simple denial - deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether
minimisation - admit the fact but deny its seriousness, or
projection - admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility

There are of course many forms of denial..and it has become such a silent sickness that many refuse to admit or face the fact they may have it. What type of denial's are there?
From wikipedia:

Types of Denial

Denial of fact: In this form of denial, someone avoids a fact by lying. This lying can take the form of an outright falsehood (commission), leaving out certain details to tailor a story (omission), or by falsely agreeing to something (assent, also referred to as "yessing" behavior). Someone who is in denial of fact is typically using lies to avoid facts they think may be painful to themselves or others.

Denial of responsibility: This form of denial involves avoiding personal responsibility by blaming, minimizing or justifying. Blaming is a direct statement shifting culpability and may overlap with denial of fact. Minimizing is an attempt to make the effects or results of an action appear to be less harmful than they may actually be. Justifying is when someone takes a choice and attempts to make that choice look okay due to their perception of what is "right" in a situation. Someone using denial of responsibility is usually attempting to avoid potential harm or pain by shifting attention away from themselves.

Denial of impact: Denial of impact involves a person's avoiding thinking about or understanding the harms his or her behavior has caused to self or others. Doing this enables that person to avoid feeling a sense of guilt and it can prevent him or her from developing remorse or empathy for others. Denial of impact reduces or eliminates a sense of pain or harm from poor decisions.

Denial of awareness: This type of denial is best discussed by looking at the concept of state dependent learning^[3]. People using this type of denial will avoid pain and harm by stating they were in a different state of awareness (such as alcohol or drug intoxication or on occasion mental health related). This type of denial often overlaps with denial of responsibility.

Denial of cycle: Many who use this type of denial will say things such as, "it just happened." Denial of cycle is where a person avoids looking at their decisions leading up to an event or does not consider their pattern of decision making and how harmful behavior is repeated. The pain and harm being avoided by this type of denial is more of the effort needed to change the focus from a singular event to looking at preceding events. It can also serve as a way to blame or justify behavior (see above).

Denial of denial: This can be a difficult concept for many people to identify with in themselves, but is a major barrier to changing hurtful behaviors. Denial of denial involves thoughts, actions and behaviors which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behavior. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion.

Case Study:

Subject X and Y share 2 treasures, after being separated, X & Y decides that the treasures would be shared between them. On the day that X had to take the treasures, one of them fell ill. X gave her consent to just take one treasure while the other recuperates, then later when it was time X to take the treasures again, X could not follow Y's schedule because Y had an important pre-planned evening, therefore X could only take one treasure as she claims that to take the other one also because it was too hard to drive therefore again she gave her consent, BUT on the day X was suppose to return the treasures, she decided to RUN and send an note to say that she is going to run and hide and Y cannot see his treasure unless he agrees to give X the treasure. When reminded about the other treasure, only did X wanted it as well. Y of course got angry and accused X of breaking the agreement and taking the treasure as hostage and kidnap. Even till the end, X insist that Y cannot have the treasure unless he gives in to his demand. As the days drag by, X wanted to come to collect some stuff and informed Y, Y said dont you want to see the other treasure? X said yes of course, but it must be to her sechedule. Y refuse because the treasure is fragile and plans were already made for the day and gave a timeline from 430pm till 8pm BUT X said cannot, she insists on her timeline, in the end the treasure missed out because X could not sacrifice her time for the treasure. In all this drama, X maintains that she is not wrong and although it was her that ended everything and made it worse by running and holding the other treasure hostage, till now her blog shouts her innocence and though Y has made and gave many roads to patch things up, X still is stubborn to hold all to ransom and must follow her way although there are many eveidence of her demands, threats and indecisiveness, X plays an old trump card although X conveninently hides and ignores her own short coming and errors, therefore my readers, can you please point out to which type of DENIAL is X suffering from?

A typical attitude of someone suffering from this (from wikipedia):

DARVO: An acronym to describe common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd^[4]. writes:

"...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes intimidation, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on..... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the whistle-blower is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is depicted as the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense.

Therefore, please always remember, when you point at someone there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. the road to recovery is to admit our short comings and errors, only then we can work towards curing ourselves. if your partner or friend still has this kind od denial, it would be very hard to talk or reason to them because they seriously believe in thier own made up story and excuses, therefore no matter how hard you try, it would be hard to break through. the only way is to gain professional help or let the matter come to head, as then the professional people can make the decision for the sick person. be strong and stand by them BUT never give in or allow or worse believe the story because then you also will get lost and lose your sense of right and wrong..trust me i have been there.

till then...happy hunting folks.

2009-10-30T02:49:00.000+08:00

Its late but as the past couple of weeks,sleep escape me.i miss my daughter&i fear that they are pushing her further away.do they not of the oath i made 2 her that i will always be by her side.her savior.have they forgetten of how attached i am 2 her?i recall gentin trip when they just enrossed with themselves&just left us both 2gether.now they keep us apart,on pretext of parental right but how easy 4 them 2 forget that im her father.so easy 4 them 2 manipulate her&use her as hostage in securing thier selfish motive but masking it as parental love while they neglect&abandon her 2 year old brother?what kind of ppl r these?do they not fear god?kierra my princess,walid is sorry 4 this&of the things 2 come.walid never meant 4 these 2 happen.if walid knew then walid would never allow&let u b kidnapp.walid swear that walid wil not rest until ur returned home&reunited with ur brother.walid love&miss u so so much.sleep well my princess&walid shall guard&pray 4 u always.love ur father.

thinking&missing

2009-10-29T18:13:00.001+08:00

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Happy Birthday..

2009-10-11T02:14:00.001+08:00

Today (well yesterday..tat is 10/10) was my son's birthday. Since his mom and sister could not make it, i decide to take him out to town to all the rides and play ground. He was happy as a clam, though a bit of stomach upset, he jumped and played till evening. in fact just put him to bed. He turned 2 today. i wonder how will it be when he turns 20, with the current issues at hand,its hard for me to see what the future will bring. Watching other families, i wish things could have turned out better.

now i am left pondering, how to decide for the best for their future. He& his sister, cant be selfish on the matter, have to think of them,i dont want them growing up on the road or deprived of certain things, as i was growing up, my dad was away most time and when they were born, i swore an oath that i will never let them feel abandon or neglected (not that i felt that way when i was young, my mom was around 100% and my dad was special that he made us know he was there even if he was far away). For all this reasons that i decline taking up a job offer to manage an international exhibition or an international event company rather i am contented to stay where i am make the best of what i have here, surely no plans to be a millionaire anymore but rather saving up for their future. i hope and pray everynight that god intervenes and makes things right because i really don't want to put them through a trial and error process, rather at thier tender age, it would be best they grow up in a safe, stable enviroment, constantly attended to and frequent at family functions, this i releasied that even by staying a mere 30 minutes from my home town, i failed to bring them closer, now that i have moved back to my home town, i hope to give them the stable and comfortable life that they deserve. Pray with me...

Demo team

2009-10-07T15:07:00.001+08:00

The demo team

The souls of my life...

2009-10-05T12:00:00.001+08:00

Things that makes life worth living....

The Most Beautiful Flower

2009-10-05T11:06:00.001+08:00

The Most Beautiful Flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long,straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see

The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy, Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

Little Girl

2009-10-05T10:49:00.001+08:00

Little Girl

There is a beautiful
crystal castle
it sits on a hill
and watches the land
The soul owner is
a beautiful little girl
She plays in the garden
has everything she needs
and lives in happiness
One morning she looked
into the mirror
and saw a stranger
It was a woman
and she realised it was
herself, all grown up
In the background
scenes of her future life
flitted before her
She looked deep into the woman's eyes
and what she saw made her want to cry
She had never seen or felt
such pain
The woman stared at her
and could not understand
why such a happy little girl
would have reason to cry
The little girl said
"I am you and you are me
I need you to love me
and I will love you
Take me away from this place
and I will make your heart my home
there is much love there but you
must unlock the door
and we can face the world
together"

Cup or Coffee

2009-10-05T10:46:00.001+08:00

Are you looking for a Cup or a Coffee?

A group of Computer Engineers, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones.

"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups."

"Now if life is coffee , then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "

So the moral of this story is........don't let the cups drive you, enjoy the coffee instead.

Why Cant i sleep...

2009-10-03T00:56:00.001+08:00

Its 1230am and adik's crying again, as i try to put him to bed, my mind drifts, to a time and place that was magical at one time,
how come i cant let it go, even through all the things that has been done to me and loved ones, the shortcomings and pain, i still cant let it go?
Would it take another to make me let it go? another breath life in this cold and lonely soul? so that it may once again rejoice and stop dreaming of something that will never come again? i wonder? and i ponder... why does the taste, sight and beauty of the love still haunts me, even after almost 7 years still the excitement and expectation spurs me, was it because of the closeness we once shared? those nights when we held each other when the chips are down and figuring out tomorrow? was it the love and tenderness in those eyes that sparked my will to fight and preserver the hardest of life hardship? was it the moans, crys and extacy that keep me loyal and true of heart?

Where has it gone? what has happen? going through Syawal without it, makes me feel the loneliness more, has someone better come along? someone that understands, satisfy and excite more than me? Maybe that is why i have to let go, and suffer, have this 2 precious jewels of life to spur me on, now although i may lose them as well,
God, i have been praying hard,since my sinnful acts, repent and ask for forgivness, why wont angels help me? bring back the one i so love and adore, the one that shared my ups and downs, banish the wicked and demonic one and replace with the one my soul is attached to..why god? is it that i am meant to let it go? to keep the magic of 7 years as memory? or is it someone will come to fill my soul in the future? How come i do not have the love and attention as others? what is it that they have that i dont, for one thing for sure, no one knows better than me, it was I who brought light to the darkest of our days, defended and fought for all. Was it all for naught? was it all wasted? for the jewels of my soul that fills my heart, it is not, only the return of my soulmate would ease this ache, oh why do i desire her so? to prove that i am above all the rest in her desire? to taste her satisfaction as no one else can give but me? why oh why? help me find my way..please dear god.

i know that i have to let it go, let her go as others who are better in her eyes are awaiting then why do i seek her attention so? her wants so badly? her love madly? if letting go is what i must do, then TRULY with all my love i would give in to her request of letting her go....

Glimpse of a happy memory: http://sherezal.blogspot.com/2009/05/tin-life.html

Reading material

2009-09-30T14:19:00.001+08:00

Mesra.net Forum > Social & Societies > Hal Ehwal Islam

Ida_KL

Mar 15 2006, 01:38 PM

Jenazah Salmiah (bukan nama sebenar) dibawa ke dalam bilik untuk
dimandikan . Ahli keluarga arwah dan bilal jenazah wanita masuk mengiring. Saya berehat di ruang tamu, membaca ayat-ayat suci al-Quran. Bunyi jirusan air mencurah, kemudian jatuh ke dalam bekas mandian kedengaran jelas.
Habis sekali Yasin, saya bersandar ke dinding ruang tamu banglo cantik itu untuk melegakan urat belakang yang tegang. Saya picit-picit tengkuk, belakang lutut dan pergelangan kaki yang terasa sengal dan kebas. Ahhh,... baru lega.

Saya pandang sekeliling, jiran-jiran yang duduk di sisi serta yang yang baru sampai. Tapi secara puratanya, kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kematian di tempat lain, saya dapati tidak ramai yang datang melawat ke sini. Mungkin kerana arwah dan suaminya, Pahamin, tidak bercampur sangat dengan masyarakat.

Arwah lebih banyak menghabiskan masa di dalam rumah, tidak gemar menghadiri majlis-majlis dan kenduri kendara di tempat kediamannya manakala si suami jarang pulang ke rumah. Maklumlah, arwah adalah isteri mudanya. Saya memerhati sekeliling, mencari kalau-kalau ada kenalan yang datang. Diketika meninjau-ninjau itulah saya ternampak suami allahyarham, Pahamin sedang duduk di tepi tingkap sambil meriba anak bongsunya. Umur budak perempuan itu baru dua tahun. Abang dan kakaknya pula duduk dengan datuk mereka, bapa arwah Salmiah di dalam bilik.

Sudah lama saya kenal Pahamin, yang saya panggil Bang Min. Pahamin pernah meminta pertolongan saya untuk 'memulihkan' anak gadisnya yang di dakwa terkena buatan orang.

Menurut Pahamin, anak gadisnya dengan isteri tua beliau itu bekerja sebagai peramugari. Rupa parasnya menawan, potongan badan pun anggun. Masalah bermula apabila gadis berusia 20 tahun itu menghina seorang lelaki Indonesia yang mengusiknya ketika pulang dari bekerja. Kata gadis itu, dia lebih rela berkahwin dengan kambing daripada dengan lelaki Indonesia tersebut yang Cuma bekerja sebagai buruh binaan.

Namun seminggu kemudian, dia mula teringatkan lelaki itu. Rindu dendamnya makin menjadi-jadi menjelang senja. Kalau sehari tidak melihat lelaki berkenaan, anak gadis Pahamin akan meracau, menyebut-nyebut namanya. Alhamdulillah beberapa minggu selepas di rawat, gadis tersebut berjaya melupakan lelaki berkenaan. Nyata sekali, dia telah didengki dengan sihir.

Dari situlah saya mula kenal lebih rapat dengannya. Bila sudah kenal, Pahamin menceritakan pula latar belakang keluarganya, tentang isteri tua dan isteri muda. Saya pernah ke banglo itu, tapi tidak berbual sangat dengan arwah kerana saya lihat dia agak pendiam.

Saya tutup surah Yasin dan berjalan ke arah Pahamin yang sedang membelai rambut anaknya itu.

" Assalamualikum, Bang Min."

" Waalaikumsalam. Oooo... ustaz, bila datang ?" dia bertanya.

" Dah 10 minit. Saya duduk di sana, dekat tepi almari."

" Maaflah, tak perasan," balas Pahamin.

" Bila arwah meninggal, Bang Min ? "

" Semalam, Maghrib. Di hospital," kata Pahamin.

Menurut Pahamin, dia sendiri tidak menyangka Salmiah akan meninggal kerana menurut doktor, Cuma demam panas sahaja. Namun demamnya tidak pulih walaupun seminggu ditahan di wad, Salmiah meninggal dunia.

" Kami bawa mayatnya malam tadi. Sampai sini pukul 9.00 malam," kata Pahamin.

" Tapi... umur dia belum masuk 40 lagi kan, Bang Min ?"

" Belum, baru 37. Kira muda lagi. Saya kahwin dengan dia 12 tahun lepas, masa tu umur dia 25 tahun. Entahlah ustaz, patutnya saya yang pergi dulu... dah dekat 65 ni. Sakit jantung lagi... " kata Pahamin. Suaranya bergetar kerana terlalu sedih.

" Sabarlah... redhakan dia pergi, Bang Min,"

Di sebabkan ada seorang saudara Pahamin datang, saya meminta diri. Saya kembali duduk di tepi almari dan membaca zikir serta ayat-ayat suci. Seorang demi seorang jiran datang. Sedang khusyuk membaca, tiba-tiba terdengar nama saya di panggil.

" Hah... , awak. Kenapa Wan ?" saya bertanya kepada bilal jenazah wanita. Wan yang tiba-tiba muncul dan bertinggung di depan saya.

" Ustaz... " bisiknya, " ada hal sikitlah " sambungnya sambil memberi isyarat mengajak saya ke tempat lain.

" Kenapa ? Di sini kan boleh," tanya saya. Surah Yasin saya tutup dan
masukkan ke dalam poket.

Wan menggeleng. Dia memandang sekeliling saya, memberi isyarat bahawa 'di sini ramai orang' Dari raut wajah dan kerutan dahinya, saya pasti ada sesuatu yang tidak kena semasa dia menguruskan jenazah.

" Ustaz... kita ke sana, ya," bisik Wan.

Dia perlahan-lahan berjalan menuju ke sudut rumah yang agak jauh sedikit daripada orang ramai yang menziarah. Saya bangun dan mengekorinya. " Kenapa ni ? Berkerut aja muka awak," kata saya.

Anak murid saya tu menggaru kepala. Dia menoleh ke kiri dan kanan. Ada perkara yang hendak di luahkannya, tapi masih tak mampu diluahkannya. " Cakaplah... ada masalah apa ?" saya bertanya.

" Macam ni ustaz," kata Wan. " Alaaa..ni ... apa tu... " dia tergagap-gagap.

" Tak apa... beritau saya, mungkin saya boleh Bantu," kata saya.

Dengan suara berbisik Wan berkata; "Ustaz bahagian sulit arwah bengkak, keluar nanah tak henti-henti."

Nanah ? Saya terkejut. Tadi, Pahamin tidak pula memberitahu saya apa-apa akan keadaan arwah. Malah penyakit arwah tiada kaitan dengan alat kelaminnya.

" Bengkak macam mana ? Nanah macam mana ? " tanya saya.

Menurut Wan, sewaktu meratakan air ke tubuh jenazah, dia menggosok bahagian alat sulit arwah, tiba-tiba dia merasa ada sesuatu yang pelik. Kemaluan jenazah bengkak seperti belon. Ia merening merah seperti jambu air yang sedang ranum. Seolah-olahnya bahagian itu baru di sengat binatang berbisa, hanya menunggu masa untuk pecah dan menyemburkan isinya.

Lebih mengejutkan Wan, bila gosok ke celahan bahagian alat sulit itu, mengalir pula nanah yang amat busuk baunya. Ia berwarna kuning-kehijauan, seperti nanah atau darah yang bercampur-aduk dengan kotoran pekat. Likat, meleleh dari farajnya.

" Baunya... ya Allah, busuk. Saya mencucinya dengan air dan kapas, tapi kemudian mengalir semula. Ia tak berhenti-henti meleleh walaupun puas di cuci," tambah Wan.

Anak murid saya itu memberitahu, kawan-kawan yang menggantikannya untuk membersihkan bahagian sulit arwah juga merasa pelik melihat bengkak yang lebam merening serta nanah pekat yang terus-terusan mengalir. Hendak di
bincangkan di situ, bimbang nanti tersinggung pula ahli keluarga arwah yang turut ada di dalam bilik.

" Sebab tulah saya datang jumpa ustaz ni. Saya teringat ustaz ada di luar, mungkin boleh tolong sikit, beritau kami apa nak buat. Saya tak maulah benda ni jadi heboh. Aib jenazah, ustaz," kata Wan.

Mendengar cerita itu, saya menasihatkan Wan supaya terus memandikan jenazah tersebut. Apabila di rasakan sudah cukup bersih, cepat-cepatlah di lap, kemudian letakkan kapas bahagian tersebut. Lekapkan agak tebal sedikit supaya nanah tidak menembusinya.

Kata saya, buat sepantas yang boleh supaya bau tersebut tidak tersebar, kelak akan memalukan jenazah. Kepada orang yang memandikannya, bukan rahsia, tapi kepada keluarga dan jiran-jiran, tentulah mereka nanti tertanya-tanya. Dari situ, timbul pula fitnah dan cakap-cakap yang tidak elok.

" Terima kasih ustaz," kata Wan." Saya pergi dulu "

Dia bergegas masuk semula ke dalam bilik. Tidak lama kemudian, bunyi jirusan berhenti. Lebih setengah jam kemudian, Wan memberitahu saya, jenazah sudah pun di kapankan. Seperti lazimnya, ahli keluarga arwah
merapati mayat untuk mencium dan membacakan ayat-ayat suci untuknya. Mayat di kebumikan tidak lama kemudian.

Selesai urusan, saya mendekati Wan, dan bertanya lebih lanjut kepadanya. Maklumlah, dia baru beberapa tahun terlibat dengan pengurusan jenazah dan tidak ada pengalaman menyempurnakan mayat yang sebegitu sifatnya.
Nyata, Wan masih terkejut dengan apa yang di alaminya tadi.

" Ustaz," kata murid saya itu, " bukan aja kemaluan arwah bengkak merening, bernanah, tapi buah dada dia pun jadi..jadi... macam mana saya nak cakap ya... " katanya tanpa menghabiskan kata-kata.

" Jadi macam mana pulak, Wan ?" saya bertanya.

" Hmmm... jadi kecut. Macam mana ustaz tengok buah pinang kering, kecut, berkedut, macam tu lah buah dada jenazah. Macam peria kecut. Saya bukan nak aibkan jenazah, tapi nak beritau ustaz aja. Saya tak pernah tengok
benda-benda macam ni, jadi saya beritau supaya ustaz yang dah berpuluh tahun urus jenazah dapat membantu," katanya.

Saya termenung. Aneh benar keadaan si mati. Bukannya hendak mengada-adakan sesuatu yang buruk, bukan... .tapi terfikir saya, kenapa hanya di bahagian-bahagian sulitnya saja yang jadi jelik. Badannya macam biasa saja, tapi pelik sungguh... yang bawah merening, yang atas mengecut ?

Kalau dia sakit teruk, tak makan tak minum hingga badan tinggal tulang, mungkin juga. Itulah logiknya hingga buah dada arwah mengecut. Tapi arwah tidak macam tu. Dia cuma terlantar seminggu di hospital. Makan minumnya terjaga.

" Tak apalah, Wan. Serahkan lah sahaja pada Allah. Kita ni tak boleh nak syak wasangka tanpa bukti. Mungkin dia ada penyakit di bahagian itu, mana kita tau.

" Anggaplah ini pengalaman yang baik, yang akan mengajar awak bagaimana untuk menguruskan jenazah-jenazah lain pada masa-masa akan datang." Tambah saya lalu meminta diri.

Hendak di jadikan cerita, dua minggu kemudian Pahamin datang ke rumah saya. Dia mengadu tidak dapat tidur lena kerana selalu di ganggu bayangan arwah.

" Kadang-kadang nampak kelibat dia dalam bilik tidur. Ada kalanya berbau wangi, macam perfume yang dia selalu guna. Anak-anak pula beritahu, pernah mereka terdengar bunyi tapak kaki berjalan dalam bilik arwah. Tapi bila buka, tak ada," katanya.

Lama juga kami berbual, hinggalah masuk kepada bab keluarga. Tanpa sedar , dan tanpa di minta Pahamin membuka rahsia hubungan beliau dengan arwah. Langsung, tersingkaplah rahsia mengapa bahagian-bahagian sulit arwah menjadi demikian jelik.

" Ustaz," kata Pahamin, " saya rasa, mungkin ia berlaku sebab arwah nusyuk dan melanggar sumpah."

" Sumpah ? Saya tak faham, Bang Min."

" Ya, sumpah. Saya akui, saya ni bukan baik sangat. Arwah pula bila jiran-jiran beritahu saya ada perempuan lain, dia mula naik angin. Dia kata, tak cukup dua, nak menggatal lagi. Tua tak sedar diri, katanya.

" Hubungan kami jadi renggang. Kami selalu berselisih faham.Saya makin jarang balik ke rumah arwah. Kalau balik pun, tak ada lain... . Bertengkar, bertengkar, bertengkar.

" Dalam masa yang sama , saya di maklumkan oleh kawan-kawan, arwah ada buat hbungan sulit dengan lelaki lain. Saya tanya dia, betul ke?. Dia tak mengaku. Macam-macam dia berdalih. Tapi saya tak percaya. Bagi saya,
kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang. Hubungan kami makin hari makin teruk.

" Kemuncaknya kami bertengkar hebat. Saya kata, Salmiah, cakap terus terang, awak ada buat hubungan dengan lelaki lain tak ? Awak ada buat benda tak senonoh tak ?. Dia tak mengaku. Saya kata, saya tak percaya. Lama kami bertengkar. Akhirnya dia kata, kalau suami boleh buat, boleh cari perempuan lain, kenapa isteri tidak?. Kata arwah dia masih muda, masih bergetah, bukannya susah sangat nak cari pasangan.

" Bila saya kata, ' awak mesti dah buat benda terkutuk dengan lelaki lain' arwah marah. Dia marah betul. Dia kata,' saya bersumpah , kalau saya buat dengan orang lain, alat sulit saya ni akan di binasakan Tuhan.'

" Lebih kurang tiga bulan lepas bersumpah, arwah sakit. Badan panas, tak boleh bangun, sampailah meninggal. Yang saya pelik, dan menyebabkan saya kata mayat dia jadi macam tu sebab derhaka dan melanggar sumpah ialah alat sulitnya merening manakala buah dada mengecut sebaik sampai ke rumah.

" Kami perasan benda tu masa nak salin pakaiannya. Mula-mula nampak buah dadanya mengecut. Kemudian nampak pula bahagian alat sulitnya mengelembung, merening macam belon. Makin lama, makin besar dan keluar nanah," kata Pahamin.

Saya termangu mendengarnya. " Mungkin dia ada sakit di bahagian itu tak, Bang Min ?"

" Tak ... tak ada. Yang itu saya tau benar. Lagi pun saya tengok dia di hospital, buah dada dan alat kelaminnya normal," tegas Pahamin.

Saya termenung. Ini sudah kes berat. Dalam hati saya berkata, mungkin ini lah balasan Tuhan pada isteri yang menderhaka, curang, nusyuk kepada suami

Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal

2009-09-20T15:29:00.001+08:00

Farewell ramadan,

I say goodbye to Ramadan, many things happen within that magical month, some good some bad.

I close the chapter on Cinta saying Resort and moved on, I enjoyed my time working there, in the end with idiots running the show and all the able people left (steven,GG,Mark and many others) the whole place was collapsing, With a head that didn’t know the difference between up and down,it was better for me to leave, though they made it easier for me with a botched up DI, least im gonna get some compassion pay muahahah.

I close the chapter on fighting for a lost cause, months of months of effort to no vail, nothing changes, all it amount up to was me paying the bills and doing my part while the other party just took advantage of the whole thing. I close this chapter, once and for all. Though it pains me like mad but there is no point going on. After 7 years, I had hope and prayed that it could be saved but after my latest discovery in my OWN house,Enough is enough

I close the chapter of my life being a victim, a victim and a softy, I am tired of being pushed around, scared of losing my life soul but in the end, I submit to the will of God, I have to return to who I was before, the strength and pillar of before.

Welcome Syawal,

I welcome the change as I once again embark on the road of self employment and hard work. No more waiting or easy street, going back to the old school style. Use these talents that God has bestowed on me and making the best of life.

I welcome the new challenge of raising my children and teaching them the values of life, values that has been the back bone of the Shahab family, the togetherness and responsibility.

I Welcome the renewed search for the best partner for me, one that will support me, one that can soothe my aches and one that I can share this soul with. Let God show me his greatness and provide me with his blessing, for he alone knows the pains I have gone through and it is my hope and prayers that he will be kinder to me and give me the courage to fasce the test he will give me.

As I went to say my prayers to my father and brothers, I realize that in this hectic world, where most are so concern about baju raya or who makes more money or who has bigger car, I take heed from my uncle that these are not important, as long as when ever there is emergency or when my kids need money for school and what not, it is there then it is enough. As recite prayers and Al-Fatiha for those I love, I pray and vow that my children will be brought up with the old values that makes us Malay and Islam, for when I die, it will to them I hope to grace my grave and the others to ensure that its clean and to them I hope they will recite the prayers and Al-Fatiha so that my passage to heaven is easier, for what else can a man want for the best legacy that one can leave behind are children that are close to God and have Iman in their hearts, Dad, I hope that you are proud of me as I try to be the anak soleh as told by God.

For these revelations, I say let the change come, Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal.

Amin

No room to turn?

2009-09-16T14:06:00.001+08:00

A blog is as they say a blog and as such its one personal opinion of matters and things, after months and months of trying to get things corrected and you try to go all the proper channels with no vail then what else can you do? If you are victimized and you are left out without an income for some trumped up charges.

How do you feel when already you have trouble at home, yet people take advantage of you and seems there is no stopping them, how many more victims will be sacrificed? The fact that they took great efforts to tarnish and smear my name after I had help to recover their biggest booboo when the GM hoodwinked them is something I can’t accept. Yes, this is the only avenue so far, why you ask? Because no one else cares or wants to listen, everyone in cahoots so what choice does one have?

We talk about justice and doing the right thing, we talk about being compassionate and responsible but is it one sided? Yes, rumors have a way of coming to bite you back? Never would I mention names or point fingers but as the Malay saying “Siapa Makan Cili rasa pedas” I don’t want anything more than justice. Be honest, say that ya we had to let you go because of economic reason, or there is no need for your skills or your house problems is effecting you work or even we don’t like your nose BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They had to come up with some kangaroo charge, for something that even idiots can see is flawed, “how do you punish someone for something he did 9 months ago, which after he answered for it, you PROMOTED him?” Is this a new management skill that has just been discovered? Then you go around telling people bad stuff about him, bad stuff that has NO PROOF or merit, BUT when the tables are turned, what then? Enough la, I am not RPK and this is not UMNO vs PKR, I’m just a man, a man that has been victimized, chosen to to be victimzed at the corner of Hari Raya, with kids to feed, they take away the rice bowl, you ask about management? You ask ablut justice, was there a warning letter for this so called offence? Was there any sit down to rectify the so called misconduct? The answer is NO, they just file it away, and when you don’t play ball ..WHAM they whack you with something 9 months old, ask any corporate governance lawyer or labour officer to see if my point is correct (I know I did) better yet, just ask yourself, if you’re staff is doing misconduct then do you promote them and keep them at their post for 9 months? Then one morning you get up and say Opps let get rid of him? Ask yourself that. I leave this to the labour office to resolve the matter as I gave up on the internal solution already, for now, I have to find work, raya in 5 days, bigger problems to settle… for everything.

"Pushed then you bite"

2009-09-15T21:58:00.001+08:00

As long there is a hello then there is always a goodbye. Ramadan is almost over and Syawal is just around the corner, millions of Muslims around the world would be celebrating and rejoice, for me this ramadan has been the most strenuous if not the hardest that i have had to endure. To many that read this, from my old work place or my home would know the things i talk about while those with sense would surely get what i mean.

It is said that ramadan is the truest time for a muslim to be tested, fasting is a must, to many fasting means not eating or drinking but to those who knows, it is to restrait oneself from tempatations and preserve self control. For me this ramadan, god tested me on all fronts, well 2 fronts to be exact. I was trained to perserve and survive but even my most daunted efforts and attempts, in the end, i had to throw in the towel and call it a day.

Come raya, my 2 soul providers will be away and shall only return to my arms on the 3rd day of raya. This is the begining of a long journey and time and time in the future i would have to explain the reason to them, every time i do, it will break my heart but what has been done cannot be undone and although for months and months i try to deny and avoid the issue, it is too late now and the path has been chosen. there is no turning back.

To top it all off, my office gave me the hardest time by invoking the constructive dismissal, yes i have to admit that during the house wars, my work performance drop and for not my dynamic team that was managing on ground level, it would have been a disaster. Somehow, during the months of April and May, i was promoted to HOD after an intense battle within the department but the crux of my house wars was during June and July which effected my performance. My Boss the head of the company (ED) failed me at this time i guess, insted of standing by my, she unleashed her hounds on me. months after months they tried to dig up stuff to nail me, in fact on one heated conversaion, where i was accused of non performance, i argued with my ED and her hound's backed with facts and figuers (in the history of my company no one ever disputed her) well i am a fighter, if im wrong then im wrong.
Many months i have wondered what happen to my Idol and mentor's mind as she put people not qualifed in vital postions, some merely yes man (women) than productive people. Once i argued why a video production head was given to someone with no video or IT background at all, apart from that her friends and family had video production shops (although rumor mill told me that she and boss had a fling back in the days so she can do no wrong in her eyes) this person in now the number 2 (or 3 ) in the structure of the company, handling all the IT and vital areas which she has no clue to do. It was during this heated that i was told to chosse: demotion or resign. I of course being the idiot that i was, i chose the demotion and 2 months later, they manage to dig enough dirt to hold a kangaroo court to pass a termination judgment on me.

The fact the the whole DI is a frace and was done out of the procedures and regulations did not matter to the HR dept, they produly chogged away and asked me to answer for some misconduct done in Februray , of which i had answered and awas cleared of the charge then (if i wasnt then why the heck was i promoted 1 month later) The sheer "management skills"of the ED is dazzling, she kept hiding in her room, expressing sickness but having regular meetings with staff to dictate movements and even clsoed my department and withold my wage prior to my inquiry , talk about justice. RPK, i now know how you feel. I had brought many things to the company, when the old guard left and leaving the department bear and empty, i had on my own fought to bring it back.
Now, if you ask me about justice, the person who replaced me is a person with no event, marketing or IT background, he joined the company as show manager, of which he failed and moved to operations which he failed as well and then to HR and met with failure again. would any respected manager or director do something like this? or why would they? to me it was personally motivated, i attacked her old fling and taken a swap at her managment skills, i wonder, how this ED of mine, who LOST the company's money of the tune of over RM300,000 in 2008 because her number 2 stole it right under her nose, escaped unpunished and now im the victim as well. The company is losing ground badly, all thier promotions and marketing look like a cheap sale now, no prestige at all, all going cheap cheap and i wonder how she sleeps at night?

To cut a long story short, i of course lodged a complaint with the labour office and after raya ends, we will see what kind of compensation i can get, to me, justice is justice, if you dont like it then come out and say it, dont find false reason to make people with famliy to lose their jobs. you terminate on different grounds but you go and smear my name on different ground. come on la, just because you are ED does not mean your GOD and can do whatever you please and i shall make sure that you know it, i do not want anyone else to be a victim of this maddness. "Berani Kerana Benar..Lawan Tetap Lawan

In the End..Always a begining

2009-09-03T23:32:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow I have been called to answer for some crap that happen months ago, this is what happens when the place you work turns on you. Imagine this:

· You come from an international company, where you were GM and you decided to take the job because you wanted to retire.

· You work your arse off and do things they never seen before, impressive? It’s harder than it is because your whole HOD support are idiots and cant find their own holes unless directed.

· Then the team you work with goes off and your left all alone to bring the dept back to what it was before. With no database no handover…no staff and literally alone, you push and do your best.

· Now after you set up the whole dept, frm a 1 man show to a 8 man team complete with a web team, video team and support team, they kick you aside and now they find all kinds of crap to nail ur arse.

· All this because of position and jealousy …

Frankly I m just tired…home problems..hidden problems…now work problems..if not for the kids…I thk I go cukooo long time ago but I prevail and stand tall, tmr is gonna be hard but I have been attacked like this before but no so cowardly ..hiding behind HR managers and GM to do their dirty work..well if im going down..im sure to take a few with me. What do I do best? Promote and market..this includes highlighting the good and the bad of company and people…pray for me..God give me strength..

Mind FLick

2009-08-11T11:52:00.001+08:00

It’s a been a while since I wrote, Well been busy, work and life taking its toll. Today, lets talk something that has been in my mind this past couple of days. Have I really become a softy? LOL. I mean people can seem to do what ever they want and frankly I am just CBF to do anything about it. They say one thing and do another thing, they take away your position but want you to do your job the same, want to know and check on everything but they also have duel lives which they want to keep it away from you. All this makes me wonder, have I really gone soft or has the world changed so much? If the world is changing so much then what kind of world will my children grow up in? I get scared when I read about girls being raped by a whole gang and it was their boyfriend that started it. Trust and commodity that is very hard to find and earn and keep. TRESURE it.

The world is hard enough as it is, the closer you think you are to the truth the further you are from it. Even in work, it is hard to maintain, there people always out to get you, waiting for the pitfall and mistakes, once it happens they jumped on it and shove it up your face. The best part no one and I mean NO ONE tracks the good stuff you did, just the bad stuff. You can do a million good things but 1 things goes bad and that is the one your stuck with. People are also unfair, its hard to find trustworthy people I guess, you know that it is an issue when you constantly feel used, when there is problem or when they need something then your on top but when your usefulness cease to matter then you get chucked aside. I want my kids to grow up with the right value in life, learn to appreciate the beauty of others, not only the fault of others, as sometimes it is their faults that attracted you to them in the first place. Nowdays, my soul is cold and lonely but my kids, their antics keep me entertained and fueled. Why people keep pushing you or hammering you for your old faults but its ok for them to keep their faults quiet or even have a separate private life that they want you out but everything you do have to declare, if not they snoop and dig. I have given up hope on this and for now, I just want to get by and raise my kids and improve my job, let the needs of my heart, soul and body go on fasting, its been months of fasting so what a couple months more, I leave to GOD and truly for the 1^st time accept what he delivers on to me. Let the demons play and try to advocate that there is some hanky panky going on, let them, I don’t really care anymore, Ramadan is coming and soon, my brothers and father would be able to come and visit, I want them to see their niece and nephew (grand daughter and grand son) if I suffer then let me suffer not my kids, if I die, let them grow up to be upstanding people, let them be honest people.

For what its worth, let us prepare for Ramadan and as this is the time of taubat and prayers, I want to try and do more, god knows I have negelated my brothers and father and grand parents for a long time, matters of the heart? I cant do much already, its slipping away, treat other like how you want to be treated and remember that GOD is there, so I leave it to him. Please god, prolong and give me more happy times and peaceful time, keep away the doubts and demons from me. Take care of us that are on your earth and keep those that you have taken close to you. AMIN.

Noah of the new world

2009-07-02T15:56:00.001+08:00

NOAH and THE ARK

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living things along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.

Noah! He roared. I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, but things have changed.

First, I need to have a BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO. Then I needed a building permit from DBKL and also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit.

Then I've been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbours complained to The Malay Mail about the height of the Ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the headlines claiming that I've violated the neighbourhood building by-laws because my Ark is going to exceed the height limitations. I appealed to the magistrate and it was approved.

The Opposition then took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and they did nasty things with my face in the Internet. I don’t know how they managed to superimpose my face on a naked body with naked MP’s and portrayed it on the YouTube. Oh Lord you are the All Knowing and you know I did not take the photos of the MP.

Then there was another stop-work order even before I could start work. After that the Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan -- talks like him, acts like him, but is not him. He said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister -- the Apa Nama -- and can clear my name but I have to buy them tickets to Australia.

After clearing my name I had to again go to the DBKL Appeal Board for a decision to allow me to build the Ark.

Then the government, after approving the plans, said I must use only SIRIM approved goods and that I must buy from their list of CLASS F Bumiputera contractors and their prices are 15 times more expensive than the Chinaman hardware shop.

Then TNB and JPJ demanded that I post a bond for the future costs of moving power-lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the timber for the Ark was another problem. SUKHAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said that there's a ban on the cutting local trees in order to save the Orang Utan.

I tried to convince SUKHAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the Orang Hutan but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an animal rights group sued me. JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and the animal rights group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that the accommodations were too restrictive and that it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then JABATAN KERJA RAYA and JABATAN KAJIAN DAN GALIAN ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental Impact Study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many Bumiputera contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to clear the area to build the Ark, six gangsters came and demanded protection money. They said they will control the area for the selling of drugs and the supply of prostitutes to my workers.

When I complained to the POLIS, the next day the IGP sent an ASP who came in full uniform. Unfortunately he also happens to be one of the six gangsters who were demanding protection money and so he doubled my protection fee.

Then there was a by-election and I was forced to become an UMNO member to get my permits approved and was made to pay a donation by the Barisan Nasional candidate in the so-called spirit of MUHIBBAH. Otherwise they will make life difficult for me.

Every department I turned to is asking what they call “Kopi Wang”.

I calculated that if I paid all the so-called “Kopi Wang” and also give them the donation they ask, the cost to build the Ark will be 20 times higher. But I refused to give them the “Kopi Wang” as I am faithful to you Oh Lord.

Then some top-level politicians became very disappointed with me for not giving them the donations and they started calling me a Murtad. I told them my name is Noah and not Murtad and they got very angry and said they have connections.

Suddenly I became a suspect in the murder of a Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to build the Ark and I was then arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, you mean you're not going to destroy the world?

No, said the Lord, the Malaysian Government beat me to it!

The choices we make..

2009-06-02T22:22:00.001+08:00

“ Once upon a time there was a guy name maje, he worked hard and tried his best to provide for his family. As he grew up, he worked hard and one day a strange thing happen to him,

While walking back home, he found a magical lamp and upon rubbing it a genie came out.

“do I get 3 wishes?” asked Maje “No”said the genie, “you are to prove to me of your worth and the rewards shall be yours.” “tell me what is it that you wish?” asked the genie.

“A Happy life, with no shortages at all” answers Maje.

“Fine” Said the genie “Remember, you must not steal from the fruit bowl as it is for me” added the genie. “Although I may not be around, believe me when I tell you that I would know”

“Yes I swear by it” answer Maje.

“Go now and sleep for the night, and when you wake. You fortunes will change” says the genie.

After a good night sleep, Maje woke up fresh and eager, and suddenly all his touch turned to gold. He met Sari and they wed to be blessed with 4 children in 7 years. One Sunday morning, Maje accidently ate a grape from the genie’s bowl, he was fearful at first then it tasted so good that he said to him self” aa its only 1 grape a day, what harm could that be?” and every day, the 1 grape became two and later became three. He getting addicted to the grapes of the bowl.

One morning, Maje awoke with a start. For on his bedside, was the genie sitting beside him.

“I had asked you not to eat from the bowl but you disobeyed me. Your fortunes has changed this past 9 years., why Maje?” asked the genie.

“Everyman must be able to change no?cant we share the grapes?there is more than enough for the both of us.”says Maje

“No Maje, it is the principle of the matter, not the grapes, for your actions has shown your true heart and for that you shall have to answer. Although all this, your wife and children has been very kind to me and because of them I shall forgive you for your actions. Now, promise me that you will not eat from the bowl again.” Says the genie.

“yes! Yes! “answers Maji.

Although he had promise, Maje found himself unable to keep his promise, as he ate the grape, the genie appeared. “Why Maje?for this I wll take away that is very dear from you”

“Why cant we share it o Genie?”

“There is no compromise Maje, rules and responsibility are bound by god for a reason. Choose now”

Even posed with the question Maje, still had hope in his heart of heart that he could find away to have the grape and yet still keep what he had. What he didn’t know that the genie knew of this and with gesture, Maje was left on the streets, with the magical bowl of grapes but yet he lost his family. No matter how hard he tried to communicate with them, they would not be able to hear him and just walk pass him.

“Its is call the glass of life Maje, you can now eat the grapes to your heart’s content but your family shall never be able to see you or hear you. And though you can see them but that is the only thing you are able to do. For do not blame me, Maje, for the choice that brought you here was in your hand all the while and this is the choice that you made.” Said the genie as he disappeared into a puff of smoke.

Maje, just looked at his son’s wedding and heard how they had wish he was around to be there. He cried and cried but alas it was too late, the choice had already been made.”

-There is no such thing as no choice, we as humans are blessed with the power of thought and we are able to change our mind and our self, it is the choices we make that defines who we are. No matter you can be a drug addict but you always have a choice to either light the pipe or go home and face the music and stay on the right path, after all God had already been kind enough to provide us with the guide to happiness in life and death, Al-Quran. Therefore, when life blows its storm to you and you find all the shutters close, take a moment and find the silver lining and remember, the choice is always yours. Be forewarned though, there is nothing easy in this world and the greatest treasures in the world, would require nothing less than the greatest sacrifice and hardest of choices.

Peace.

There was a time..

2009-06-01T20:28:00.001+08:00

There was a time,

I had set my eyes on you and my heart stopped beating,
When my hand touched yours, my soul stopped quaking,
Amazed by your smile as it was captivating,
That was when i knew to you my heart i would be surrendering.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When we planned our marriage, the joy i had envision,
The work and sacrifices my brothers together in unison,
A lifelong plan we had made in all decision.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When our daughter my born that my life began anew,
When i gazed into your eyes as she cried for the first time,
I know the joy that can only be shared by a few,
Together i know that we will face the world as one.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When my son came into this world,
The hardship and pain suddenly was gone,
I vowed to work even harder for all of us,
There was a time.

There was a time,
I would have lay my life for you,
Do anything to chase away the blue,
for you&the family my love is true,
There was a time.

There was a time,
Even when you had hurt me so,
Still i gave my all to win you at all cost,
I had hoped and prayed that god would grant the wish,
No matter what had happen, i would have endured.
There was a time.

This time,
The pain is far much too bear,
To the kids i would have to be fair,
For all thier pain shall be mine to bear,
For the time for you has passed..
But alas, there was a time...

--
-Dare To Dream-

The circle of life

2009-05-27T17:02:00.000+08:00

Soon we be coming to the mid year, my how time flies. Soon my daughter will be 4 years old..sigh. anyway just to write on this rather depressing day. Depressing why? Its hard to say, its more like trying to achieve something that is beyond your reach? Many at times I had thought that it would be achievable but alas I was wrong…so here is my 2 cents

Certain times in life, humans look for many things, many people question the meaning of life and the purpose of us being on this world. For those who has lost loved ones at a young age, the question digs far deeply in once’s mind. The goal of life as someone once told me is to find that place in the circle. To understand your function and keeping up with the function. Therefore, however we think that we are in control, in actual fact we can only plan and let god and fate takes it course. Some makes decisions and stick with it while some makes decisions but change their mind half way, often hurting others around them. Is there a safe way out?is there a book for the newbies out there? Sadly not. We take advise from our elders, close friends and family as they guide us on this journey. Of course for me, there are times, I wish I could escape to the old glory days when I was in entertainment or during the high flying corporate times when I was running my IT firm but I chose this route and know that come what may, I will have to be here and make the best of it. Making the best of it is perhaps the hardest thing to do. Its easy to run away and escape while convincing yourself that it is GOD’S will or this is the best avenue but we don’t see or miss something that would mean far more important to us in the future.

Certain parts in my life, I missed many things, decisions that lead me away from my sick brother and losing him forever still haunts me in my sleep (heck even waking times) therefore what is our purpose? Our goals? The cycle is

· child (study, obedient and all rounder good)

· Youth (Family values, improving ourselves)

· Young& Free (Time to try everything, safetly knowing that someone will catch us when we fall)

· Career (work work and more work. Build up )

· Love (Husband and Wife time, the love and tribulations of this part of your life is important as it is the building blocks for the future generation)

· Family(pace slows down as you start to have family, putting the family above everything else)

· Retired(This is the fruits of life, relax and let the family take care of you and enjoy the comfort and love that you have built in your life)

Though it looks easy and clear cut BUT there are 1000 million ways that things could go wrong, if not the world wont be filled with divorced people, infidelity people, runaway kids and what not. This are the hurdles that we have to focus as once we lose sight of our objective then we will lose those that are so dear to us. Should life pushes you to hard, take a moment, take a deep breath and ask yourself “Why did I chose this path ?” then you will find your niat (purpose) and you will find your way. Many a times, I get too stuck on something such as my online game (times till wee hours and $$ ) but nowdays, thanks to path of god, love of the family I am able to sit back, and look at it. Gone are the days of working till morning, sacrificing family time for that extra 1000 or closing a deal, I know now that what ever $$ is not worth missing the joy or smile of my kids and once missed it will never come again.. Izzany,I wished I was there with you, I would trade everything I was doing (material work) and just pack and go by yourside without thinking what I will do once I got fired BUT yeah I would be really worth it, for only to hear your voice and smile for one last time.. love you bro.

Peace.

Your childs mind..

2009-05-16T13:45:00.001+08:00

All children, whatever their age and ability, have the potential to be better at thinking and learning. You, the parent, can help your child by providing greater richness and diversity to your child.

"Your child will use many different kinds of thinking to help her achieve success in life. There are at least nine kinds of intelligence that power her thinking mind. Each has a physical location in the brain, and provides a distinctive way of thinking. Each one enables us to solve different kinds of problem and achieve different kinds of success in the world. These different intelligences enable your child to engage in different kinds of learning. Usually we think of ourselves as having one mind, but our minds are more like an orchestra in which different parts contribute. We are sometimes aware of the need to bring these different parts of the mind to bear on a problem. Your child's mind does not just have one voice and one set of thoughts, but different voices and different sorts of thinking. To make the most of her mind we need to be aware of these and of the abilities which derive from each kind of intelligence. Every child, male or female, from whatever background, has each of these nine intelligences.

Intelligences

The old view of intelligence is that it was fixed thing like a sort of motor of a fixed capacity that you were born with and which never changed. When they measured the power of this mental motor they called it your IQ. We now know that those ,with high IQs do not necessarily end up richer, happier or more successful than those with lower IQs. The brain is less like a motor of fixed capacity but more like a series of engines whose capacities are unknown. What counts is making the most of the engines (or intelligences) that power your child's mind, and home life plays an important role in achieving this. None of us has a brain that is working at full capacity; we all have mental capacities that are underdeveloped. We do not know what we might have achieved with the right help, enough time and sufficient stimulus.

What is musical intelligence?

Every kind of musical intelligence is different, and this is a different kind of intelligence from any other. Some musicians are good mathematicians, but some are not. Some research suggests that learning music will help your child be better at maths and reading. If your child concentrates on music it may help with other kinds of concentration. Playing an instrument may help physical co-ordination of hand and eye. Playing music with others may develop social skills. So developing musical intelligence may help develop other kinds of intelligence. But the best reason for bringing music into the life of your child is to develop his unique musical gift, his ability to make music and appreciate music.

Seeing more - Developing visual and spatial intelligence

"We should talk less and draw more," said Goethe. Drawing, copying, tracing and making pictures can help a child make sense of the world around her. Drawing also enables a child to make visible what is imaginary. Drawing and artwork can help to celebrate pleasures such as birthdays or parties, or enable a child to express worries and anxieties such as the ghosts and monsters of imagination. Drawing stimulates visual intelligence and can be a way through which a feeling for beauty, harmony and order is developed.

It is never too early to introduce your child to works of art, or to visit art galleries. We live in a visually rich environment, surrounded by images that clamour for our attention. The flickering pictures on the TV screen and the endless spectacle of adverts, signs and symbols create a visual overload that stimulates the eye but does not instruct the mind. Some children grow up never paying attention to anything. They don't have to. They are used to being force-fed by the televisual world that surrounds them. Children need help in attending to what is important in their visual environment. They need to be taught how to look, to sustain attention, to take in information, to see details, to learn from what is seen. They need to stop and look.

It is Time..

2009-05-05T16:03:00.000+08:00

To all Malaysians: Stand up for Perak on May 7

Posted by admin

Tuesday, 05 May 2009 15:30

By Wong Choon Mei, Suara Keadilan

Pro-democracy groups are calling on all Malaysians to dress in black wherever they are and whatever they may be doing on Thursday, May 7 - a day that will surely go down in history as one of the darkest in the country’s history.

On May 7, Thursday, Prime Minister Najib Razak’s Umno party will disregard all democratic rights, including the laws of the land, when his appointed chief minister for the northwestern Perak state, Zambry Kadir, pushes through motions in the legislative assembly to seal his party’s hold on power.

After three months, the coup d’état that Najib orchestrated in February, with the help of the Perak Sultan, has failed to gain the acceptance of the Perak people.

Instead of abating, their demands have intensified for fresh election to re-determine their state government. But to no avail! And this is the 21st century!

The Pakatan Rakyat administration led by popular PAS leader Nizar Jamaluddin was toppled as a result of the power grab, although it has the same number of seats as the Umno-BN coalition.

The peoples’ rights were clearly trampled on and ruthlessly suppressed.

Nizar has vowed to attend Thursday’s sitting and to fight on for the Perak people. His Pakatan coalition has vowed to support him all the way.

The Pakatan Rakyat leadership of Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang and Abdul Hadi Awang asks all Malaysians to stand up for Perak.

Stand up for democracy and insist on your right to choose your own leaders!

————————————————————————————————————————————–

Suara Keadilan appends below comments from civil society leaders and human rights groups on the Perak debacle

Ramon Navaratnam, director of Asian Strategy and Leadership Institute
The whole chaotic situation has come about because the basic fundamental right of free and fair election was not observed.

Those at the very top must recognize this and take heed that this chaos and unhappiness is real and is caused by the peoples’ deep distress that their wishes have not prevailed.

Freedom of expression through fair and free election is being thwarted by the lack of political will on the part of many. There is only way way out of this chaos and confusion - free and fair election.

Only when the people of Perak are satisfied that they have been allowed to go through a process of utterly free and utterly fair election, then only will they be at peace.

P Ramakrishnan, president of social reform and human rights group Aliran
Rest assured that Perakians will long remember this hypocrisy and they will punish Umno without fail. The rallying cry for the next general election will be Remember Perak – Remember the Injustice!

Gavin Khoo, political analyst
My question is “Is Malaysia a rule-based society?”. What is the value of the constitution and rule of law if the guardians of our democratic rights can easily manipulate and misinterpret these rights to serve their own interests?

If we have to spend scarce resources on a good cause such as preserving our democratic rights then it has to be done e.g. the power grab and illegitimate government in Perak. It is clear and without a doubt that the BN installed Menteri Besar and state government would lose a state wide election if one is called. Simply, this was not the government elected by the people. Hence, to ensure our democracy works, it is important to go back to the people.

The society can only change for the better if everyone of us is committed to the effort of making this country better than what it was yesterday. We should decide if we wanted a better future for ourselves and our children.

Stop looking for the next politician or royalty to save us. Make all of them accountable for their words and action. You can make a difference. Do something for Malaysia.

Matthias Chang, former political secretary and adviser to ex-PM Mahathir Mohamad
Give Perak to them (the Pakatan Rakyat) and it will be their quagmire! Believe me. Don’t waste time in Perak. The Royal Household has created a big hole. Get out of it now!

From the Peoples’ Parliament
Imagine 7th May, and Malaysians from all walks of life, from Johore in the south right up to Perlis way up north, and our brothers and sisters in East Malaysia, at the train stations, bus stops, markets, offices, eating stalls, shopping malls, all dressed in black!

Imagine the youth, flash-mob style, turning fast food joints and shopping centres gloomy with their black attire!

Imagine the foreign and online media reporting how Malaysians turned out in full force throughout the country, all dressed in black wherever they were, to send a clear message to Najib and his cohorts in BN :

WE DO NOT APPROVE OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN PERAK. RESTORE POWER BACK TO THE PEOPLE NOW OR BE PREPARED TO PAY DEARLY

I t will not take much for you to be a part of this effort. You do not have to give up a day at work. Heck go to work and get your colleagues to join you.

Make the effort now to call up at least 10 people you know and urge them to turn Malaysia black this 7th May.

TIn LIfe..

2009-05-03T13:03:00.000+08:00

Its Sunday and im at work, SIGH… how I wish I could be home with the family. Nevertheless, later tonight I hope to take them to the funfair, you know the old funfair that stops by small towns for months end. My daughter is so excited to ride the ferris wheel , though looking at it, it surely doesn’t look like a ferris wheel at all but well children will be chidren. I didn’t know what to write actually but while powering up the pc, I came across this picture (it was on the screen saver) so I thought, let me share this story with you all.

The story began with the arrival of my uncle from London, he stays there now but he visits ever so often, Ami Chet is what we call him. In my growing up years, ami chet was one of the more closer uncles to me, I was around during his growing up time and during the passing of my father and brothers, he made an effort to come back and offered his shoulder to cry on. As far, I know, ami chet went to London to study but then decide to stay on there and make his mark there. This is a hard choice because London is a foreign country and making a buck tere will surely not be easy.

His effort, hardship and success story is journal on his own and I thinkit should be accorded to im to write about it but the lesson for me was that dreams and amibitions knows no bounds. He showed us that nothing is impossible, making a market in a land filled with Mat Salleh and raising his family while keeping in close touch with the family and our family values. This is what makes Shahabudin a great family, no matter how far we are, we get closer and tighter together. Anyway before I get carried away…lets go on.

This event was held in Holiday Villa A.S and of course organized by our top event manager- Chik Zaa, we had gathered to celebrate Ami’s Chet daughter birthday and have a family dinner. I took the family and even Adik joined in the fun. He was far from walking stage at hs time…stumbling to most of the effect. It was Kierra’s first dinner party and she got dressed for the part, her date for the night was her uncle Ami Lah. They had a gala time together. What brings out the memory for me was the night itself, the participation by the family and the get together of all the brothers. I saw the cousins and how they interacted with each other. My wife was in pink dress with my daughter and we had a fun time with the family. That was good times, no troubles and my family was truly a happy family.

This small moments was made possible by Ami Chet and it was a great night, we sang and laugh and all in all it was done without any mishaps. As my children grow up, I hope that we can do more of this, as for now, I have nephew and nieces and young cousins (ay they are still coming) with 1 more wedding to look forward to in December (my bro wedding is in May, so I guess that makes it two) In the end, as God bless us with his grace and generosity, I hope that we can remember the important things to us, as wealth distracts us, it is us that must find the strength to keep ourselves grounded and value the important things in life. There are many events and functions like this but for today, I thought I just write about this first, The values of family is not only in sickeness and misery but in happy times and celebration of each other, I am blessed that this was taught to me from young and I shall pass it on to my kids as they grow up. Do not forget our history as from this history and of memories are what our characters are built on thus pass on the message: We are family and damn proud to be one! From Ami Chet, I learned that although God gave his good fortunes in a London, it was his will and niat that he did the birthday party in A.S with the whole family and because of him, I now have a treasured memory of the wonderful night, with the family. Thank You Ami Chet..

Love of A Mother..Warmth of A Father

2009-04-30T17:04:00.000+08:00

Being the first born in my family and the eldest grandson, in my mind, the love of the mother is in bringing up the child, it is the mothers love that comforts the child, taking them for their bath, ensuring that they eat the right meal, sleep at the right time and other stuff. In my childhood, it was my mom that did it for my brothers, when evening came , it was her that made all of us bath (heck..even I also kena) she made sure we ate the right food and did our duties and slept at the same time.

Dominantly, the father is the provider of the family, it is to him that they run to ensure their safety, A father provides the roof, food and all the must of life. There is an old saying, if the child is rude and dirty than blame the mother and if the child poorly dress or has not enough to eat than blame it on the father. To us, the brothers, our father had to work outstation most of the time and such we saw him around once or twice in a fortnight BUT we know that in times of trouble, it was him that would come back and save us. There were times that I had trouble with the law (ya ya..i started early) and once I had a bad accident and 2 of my friends died in it, it was my father who appeared magically and made the trouble go away, the sight of him made me feel invincible and I knew that I was safe.

In these modern times, many parents let the maid to raise their children, to them, providing occasional toys and petty hugs and kisses are enough. Fathers role do not change much as they still work day in and day out while providing for the family but in these new times, the mothers has passed their traditional duties to the maid. It is because they are working or socializing. We read in the newspaper everyday of the morale decay within our youth, the bohsia and rempit sickness that has plagued the land and even those in the university is not immune, we had thought they are safe in higher institution but later we find their videos of making out or full sexual escapades on youtube.

These are trying to be avoided and when it happens then parents are the one to blame but the damage was done so long ago, the child can see their mother not at home due to work or social parties and is left to the maid. How would a maid be able to displin the child?it is not her child afterall and usually when emergency happens, it’s the maid that know the intimate details of the child NOT the mother. What is going on now? Are children merely tokens now? As long we spend 1-2 hours with them a day and buy them some presents then they will grow up fine? I don’t really agree, I have 2 kids of my own and I do and try as much as I can to be with them, I want them to know that nothing in this world is more important than them. (heck, imagine seeing me running around in a mini kids park..) it is sad how money and the world changes our values, our family or more importantly our children that we work so hard for to provide a better future for them, ends up as porn stars on youttube or even worse leaves you at the slightest chance or becomes a rempit or bohsia.

Many parents face this problem in the later life, children running away with strangers while they trying to figure out what happen, not only the aspect of this but of safety and health is also a paramount reason. Children being left with the maid are not properly fed, they don’t have a fixed schedule in terms of sleep and eating (which usually is a start of a serious dieses) then mothers scream about mothers right or what happen? A mothers place is at home, with the children, that is why there is a saying that a mother love know no bounds, when I was ill my mom took extra care and neglected the world to ensure I recovered. When my brother had cancer, she gave up her life and stayed with him till the end. This is a mothers love, not sending the maid to ensure my brother took his medicine or his food, this is what is wrong with the world today. It seems many are not sure of their roles, many parents would rather be the rich style of raising kids, leave it all the maid (or sometimes maids)

With mothers day around the corner, I feel xtra love for my mom, for her sacrifices that she has made, not only for me but for my brothers and how even at a late age, she sacrificed to ensure I had a comfortable platform to build a foundation to raise my kids. I love her for the guiadance and support she gave me and it is my hope that my children will grow up knowing the love and support of parents as I had been privileged to. I also dedicate this article to my bro, Syed Joe who just had his 1^st born son. Grats my brother, welcome to parenthood.

Peace

Malaysian's Warmth

2009-04-28T19:00:00.000+08:00

fowarded by a friend..

lu pikir lah sendiri.....
Salam & Hello friends,

I snapd this photo on Monday 6th April 6.30pm, in Komuter from KL Central. It's happen I had to take Komuter on that day. I think this is my 3rd or 4th time ride in Komuter. Obviously you can see a lady carrying her kid STANDING nearby the main door. Her kid is sleeping. And please have a good look at those 4 ladies..sitting and pretending they didn't see the mother with baby!

The woman in brown baju kurung is sleeping (I can forgive her la...after few stations only she woke up..) the girl in long hair just sit there busy SMSing, the lady in headphone finally offered her seat only after 15-20 minutes (or maybe after she realised I took their photo). And paling sakit hati...the lady in red t-shirt just buat2 tak tau..or pretending she didn't see the mother with baby..after the lady in blue T offered her seat, the lady in red shirt looks relief and try to give manja look at the sleeping baby.

What is this??? STUPIDITY, IGNORANCE, SELFISH, SNOB..
This thing happen because WE allow it to happen.
For those who never/seldom ride in Komuter, LRT, or other public transport..this is real. Be grateful that you are not one of them who have to use public transport. Even looking at it make you feel sad and mad. For those who are using public transport..don't allow this to happen. Make effort to offer your seat or to ask people who is sitting (if they are fit!) to offer their seat.

rgds,
be a better malaysian

nohairday

2009-04-26T12:47:00.000+08:00

Chk it out.

sherezal.blogspot.com
syedsherezal@gmail.com
www.thecarnivall.com

Happy Birthday Bro..

2009-04-24T00:23:00.000+08:00

Dear Izzany,

Its been a while since I wrote to you, well, you would be 31 years old today. I am still dealing with the emptiness that you left behind. Mom and Ayah misses you a whole lot to, not to mention the uncles and cousins. I always get a lump in my throat when I play with my kids as I think how they are deprived of ever knowing you. Don’t get me wrong, of course I tell them about you but I guess in the end its your presence that leads the experience of knowing you.

Recently I went to Genting with the kids and hell, it reminded me so much of our time together. The rave party and the ever non stop rides that we use to take up there. They got this new ride now, something ala superman roller coster, I wish you been there and try it with me, yup your brother when on it as well. Heck, im not that old right? Remember when we made zaki go on one of the rides? Hahahah that is precious memory. Anywhow, from where you are, I am sure you know that I have a new baby boy, well not so new coz he going 2 years old soon. We named him after you Syed Nong Iddraqi (we changed the ZZ to DD and added a Q) but as I remembered in all our times , your name card was always Syed Izzany Nong so I combined the name and came out with that. As for Kak Long she is fine and now an important executive in Village Mall. Seems that is a sad and long story to tell you but I think you know.

I have been trying to pray more and somehow I cant seems to lose the emptiness feeling that I feel inside. I question everytime, why did you guys leave me? It is so hard without both of you and miss you both tremendously, well, not to be a mushy type but ya bro, I miss so much. A piece of news, Rizal got a baby boy on the 21^st and ami jon got a girl on April Fool’s day. Ya life goes on and we get by. Ayah and mak is into farming now and if you were here, I would problay put you in Cinta Sayang with me because I am sure they could use your IT talents.

In life, I guess we never know how much we love someone till they are gone, seems that no matter how much or how many time we remind people, only a real reason of missing someone or knowing that you have screwed up is about the only way to really understand. When you have taken things for granted and get things your way, times we lose and forget ourselves. It is till God test that we understand it. Remember when we use to talk, I would ponder on the purpose on my life?i thought it was for the Lost Boys but I was wrong. After Lid was gone, I thought that my goal was to take care of you and Zaki but then I failed and you were both taken away, now something I hold dear is about to go as well, try as I might I don’t think it can be saved but all in all, the joy I get is through the joy of my children, no matter how hard life gets to me, their smile, cries and laughter fills my soul with joy and I will not fail them like I failed you guys. I will remain by their side and be the hand that keeps them from falling, the hand that pushes them forward and the hand that wipes away the tears when they cry. I just wish you were here bro, you and Zaki would be such an asset to them.

All in all, I wish you a happy birthday, Kierra and Iddraqi is still young to follow me on my visits to your resting place but insyallah, I will bring them to the path of god as I am slowly crawling my way there as well, look over us and do pass some kind words for your niece and nephew to the passing angels. Till then, remember that I love you and we all love, miss and pray for you everyday.

Wasalam

Abang.

24/4/2009

Are you a nail or hammer?

2009-04-09T15:18:00.001+08:00

How does one describe one’ s self? In a world that is ever evolving and changing, we strive to adapt. If history has taught us anything is that humans are an adaptive creature. Mating to populate the earth and eventually becoming the master race of the planet. As we move along into the new era or century, the world is yet again hit by an economic crisis, on that would sent many companies to the seizure house, many people to the jobless line and the mushrooming of new millionaires. Yes, it is true, for every 1000 people that get destitute or bankrupt due to economic whiplash, a few of millionaires are born, these people are what we can call hammers, they are the doers, they wait for no one.

In the great depression of the 1930’s, America was greatly hit by the economic plague, many top tycoons committed suicide while many and I mean millions of Americans suffered but it was during this era that Lucky Luciano (the founder of the organized crime), Bugsey Sigel (The founder and creator of what Las Vegas is today-though he died without even seeing what he had started) and many others emerged as the rich boys of the era, even the blacks and Hispanic had their own underground leaders that later became the rich society. In fact, prior to the depression, they were nobody at all, just normal folks caught in the current world problem. In the early computer age, the so called birth of the Internet, the world was reeling from an economic slowdown but yet, Apple, Netscape, Goggle and Yahoo became household name and captured the $$ from the market. The question is how did this people become what they are today, are they hammers or nails?

Hammers are criteria to associate with successful people, taking the term from a hammer, these people would do things without being told, always aware of the current surrounding and knowing how to capitalize from it. They are most often not hard to discipline as they are not at ease with procedures and limitations, nothing is impossible for them and although they tend to be very aggressive and get into trouble but to them the ends justify the means. Monitoring them would be a hassle but yet this people are hard to come by, for they are daring and able to take responsibility for their actions. They need constant rewards and appreciation for if not they will move on. They thrive on the spotlight and the drug for them is need. As long as they are in need then they will thrive. Great at working under pressure but sorely weak in calm times as they tend to get bored and relax, for them the pumping of blood, the chase of the dateline and the production of the impossible is what they crave for.

Nails are the criteria of the normal, they are not weak or poor but rather the normal. We find many of them around. They are loyal, dependable and would follow instructions (to the letter) These people lack the motivation to succeed or the will to be special, for them it is better to be safe than sorry. The people that are considered nails would not make good soldiers though because of their lack or unwillingness to commit or take responsibility. Any good idea or suggestion they have would be suppressed and kept inside them. Although they would take the credit from other peoples work and passing it as their won, the pattern is that they would usually take the credit after the function or work is done. The issue with the Nails is that they will only do the work up to the order given, no extra and no incentive. These people are good to keep in calm times as they are loyal and will not rock the boat, in fact you can pass any order to them and they will do WITHOUT thinking of the effects or if it is right or wrong BUT in trouble times, there people are the least people you want in your team. They will constantly be contented with what they have and avoid the lime light or trouble shooting. As long as the pattern or status que is not broken, they will be happy and contented.

The question here is that as owners of business which would kind would you like to have? Which would push benefit your organization? A few nails or a few hammers? In there trying times, give me a hammer anyday because nails are dime a dozen.

Peace….

Zakierra's New Car

2009-04-07T12:38:00.000+08:00

As the month of April starts, many news and happenings have been going on within my ever so humble life. Ami Jon has been blessed with a Baby girl (right on April Fool’s Day) and Nakishah got married .. (man do I feel old) the most busiest times because of the elections. The 13 independents are really giving BN&PR a run for their money. It would be funny if they win. It would be hard. Anyway I’ll talk about politics in my later post for now.. I want tell you the story of kierra.

After much debate and the sacrifice of parenting, I decided to get a second car. Well not exactly a new car but useable and affordable. I told Kierra that the car I bought for her. The night we went to get the car, we came back around 9pm and guess what she did, quietly she took out the car cloth and proceeded to wipe her car as it was raining when we came back hence the car was wet. So lovely. Adik also as usual kapochi .

The next day, I went to work and she woke up to find her car missing, she cried (poor girl) so I rushed home and got her permission for to use the car, lolz. Anyway here are the picture of my princess wiping her car.

Please go and check this put..make a change

2009-03-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTQvZvtQFgY&feature=player_embedded

A song for heroes

2009-03-28T13:29:00.000+08:00

Today(27^th March) will mark Najib’s 1^st speech as UMNO president, as we all know the president of UMNO is automatically the Prime Minister of Malaysia. In most blogs today, everyone is asking the question- what can we expect from our new leader? Will he save the country from the economic cancer that is sweeping the world? Will he be able to unite a divided Malaysia and most importantly make UMNO relevant again? As the PR is also quiet and subdue this past couple of days, the rakyat is asking what will become of us? Constant surfing to BRB(Barisan Rakyat Bloggers) has also the same comment, all is quiet.. the lull before the storm perhaps?

From Najib, I think that we can expect the same that we have seen in the past months. The Perak hostile take over is of course master minded by Najib and his dream team, thinking that they have already won, they never expected PR and the rakyat to put up to such a fight but the funny thing is that as I look at the UMNO assembly, everyone is there and if you look at the news it is all the same, ignoring the fact – PERAK HAS 2 MB AND 2 EXCO. Yet we go on living day in and day out, biatch about UMNO and BN and cheer for PR, light a candle for RPK and post venom post and comments on Malaysia today and Malaysiakini, is that the best? The question I am asking does the Sultan of Perak reads newspaper?as a the Sultan does he even know or care for his rakyat? These days even I do the same, although day in and day out I keep thinking what can I do to make difference, we need Willam Wallance (The hero of Scotland) or other folk heroes, those who have fought for FREEDOM. Yes freedom, although we (Malaysian’s) would never admit it but it is true, we have lost our freedom but yet we do not do anything about it, we watch movies such as Braveheart, Spartan and other of those fight for freedom movies and think to ourselves, “I wish I was there, then I would go and do something about it” but in reality WE ARE ALREADY THERE but are we doing anything about it? What was the straw the broke the camel

S back the lead to the revolution in Thailand, Philipines and Indonesia? How much would Malaysia swallow till we explode? Nah,its safer to sit back read a blog and post a comment or two while the writers get hauled off to prison and lose their income, what do we do?what do we risk? Nothing. Nothing risk nothing gain as they say. As the 3 by elections draws near, being in one of the areas involved, I can see things up close but in the previous by elections- Terengganu, Permatang Pauh, the bulk of us would log in by the hour to follow the latest development, unbiased news provided by the BRB and others. Have we ever thought the sacrifice that this heroic people are doing on our behalf? We say and talk a mean deal but lets ponder about this for a while, these ordinary people have taken the extra step, apply leave from their jobs or business, leave their family behind,spend the funds to go to these places to cover the election, while once the caring government comes to know of them, they will be blacklisted, business will be raided more often, they might even lose their jobs and most of us forget that THIS PEOPLE ARE LIKE YOU AND ME. They are not from any political party, they are not from any media mainstream or alternative media, I mean for Malaysiakini is a paid website news portal so I guess its ok but people like Harris, RPK and others, they are ordinary joes like u and I, of course some of our PR people started that way but I just wanted to write a piece about the unsung heroes (ya ya blame it on pak lah) but the truth is that, why cant someone take the lead and organize this, maybe setup an NGO so that we can have and provide a platform for this unsung heroes as they fight for a better country and mind you they are fighting in a country that you and I live in. Our children will grow up and who will their future be? Therefore, lets take some decisive action, lets set up an NGO, so that we can support our brothers and sisters, those that are the frontlines warriors.

What can we expect from the new UMNO line-up? well in my view, it would be about the same stuff. I mean Najib was acting PM for so long and Muyiddin is the trade minister, both of them are responsible for the current stupor of our economy, many say that they were distracted as the UMNO elections were round the corner but now that its over, they will get down to business. Come on wake up and smell the coffee, the world does not wait for us, and as a result of the UMNO election we lost Shahrir, I think he has done a good job in trying to make sense of the domestic issues and helped lessen the burden of the common man. We need to grasp what is going on and see the picture as it is, they (BN) wants to control the government by any means necessary because as the world suffers from economy meltdown, it would be better for them to hold the cheque books, and ensure that their family (extended, close and second ones) are secure and have a future, so they can spend 60B anyway they want, if we had done a good job on Khazanah or Value Cap we wont be facing this problem now. PR is running scared at the moment, the Perak takeover has slapped them in their face, they seem to have forgotten UMNO’s has a long memory and a great appetite for revenge. Looking at the March 8 elections, UMNO and BN took a severe beating, did they (PR) think that BN would be quiet? Anwar should have seen it coming a mile away, with the liwat charge, bribe charge, party hopping and what not, BN is coming at full force, with the UMNO elections over. One can expect a more direct and dirtier fight to come, we all have seen the teaser’s – The crackdown on Keadillan and Harakah, the sublte warning to the online webportals (if they cant see the hidden message..i dunno already la), the attack on PR and the police brutality in Bukit Selambau, that is just the tip of the iceberg, I was there that night in Taman Ria, the police open fire with the water cannons and tear gas WITHOUT warning or reason, many innocent people were hit, my neighbor’s daughter had rashes for the past week due to being sprayed by the water cannon as she was coming down from her tuisyen center. If this was USA or UK, the police chief head would roll, the public would demand nothing less, but in Malaysia? All we do is “tsk tsk poor thing those people in Sungai Petani, lets write some nasty comments on Malaysiakini and Malaysiatoday, heck least we doing something.” The harder times are coming folks, make plans and be prepared, in a nutshell:

· The world economy is going down the tubes, all the super powers are having hard times to prep their country while we do nothing and pretend that all is ok. Kelapa Sawit planters are fishing in padi fields and rivers for meals as they cannot afford to buy fish.

· The politic stabilization of Malaysia is NIL- investors are running away while we fight among ourselves, our monarchy, who are there to protect the rakyat has been tamed and subdued while the government can do whatever they want

· The PR is under massive attack and unable to counter an attack- clearly a show of weakness of capable pool of people

· The new UMNO team will further be stretched, in these trying times (I realy hate to say this) but we are missing veteran leaders, who have steered the country during the last global financial crisis, Dr.M, Rafidah, JJ and others are all out even in BN, Ong Ka Ting, Lee Liong Seik is gone, only old cows like Samy vellu is still around, I mean he can’t even build a solid flyover (MRR2 Fiasco) in all his years and still he is there.

· Rakyat Malaysia is angry, we are fed-up but we cannot or will not do anything, all of the world greatest heroes are ordinary people, they were not children of Prime Ministers or Minister but normal people who one day got fed up and got up and lead a revolution. For us the least we can do is do something for our brothers and sisters fighting the war in the frontline, this I mean does that they are reporting the news back to us.

This as I said is just the tip of the iceberg, I mean 14 canidates for Bukit Selambau, OMG, we all know who paid them and why they are there, Hindraf making waves about they didn’t get a choice, sigh, as RPK said maybe they should go join BN as they sound alike. All for one and One for all, Nizar is fighting in Bukit Gantang, why DAP or PKR is not throwing tantrum? Why Hindraf didn’t ask for a rep there? Just because the last ADUN in Bukit Selambau was Indian then automatically Hindraf also wants to say something? Come on man, look la at the bigger picture here. We need to take over the government (legally la) so that HIndraf can be legal again, I mean already we have an elected lawmaker in ISA while his wife is doing his job and yet no one or any rakyat complain so Hindraf please take a chill pill and look at the bigger picture here. Its not about wheater Hindraf or Indians are represented in the ADUN its about making a change, making sure all of us, Malay, Indian, Chinese and others are represented and represented well. Not only in ADUN but in the government, where it all counts, how many children can we send to school for better education or how many lives could we saved if we bought and paid for the treatment for low income people with the commission of the submarine deal? That is just a one example. This is what I want to see, not 60B to be passed to Kahazanah so that it can bail out other companies, HECK! Ask pemekar to give back the commission to the rakyat, sent up a free cancer treatment month for as many cancer patients as long as the money last (its RM10k per treatment) this are the simplest thing.

Therefore, I hope we can look forward to a brighter future, if we unite and make a stand, Gandhi is long gone, Tunku is also long gone, its time to look within ourselves and do something about it, take back our freedom, take back our right then we talk about ketuanan or social contract, now we don’t even have Freedom of Speech, all our children are forced to go to government doctorine camps, we cant even read the right news truthfully as the media is biased, we get tear gassed and water sprayed for NO BLOODY reason apart from coming to see Anwar Ibrahim. Yet we just stay calm, the stupid 13 independents spend RM5k each to be in an election they KNOW they will lose, if they had used the money to setup a fund to help PR to match BN campaign then we would be doing some positive action. I mean heck, they can sponsor 1 day at 1 cyber café so that people can access the real news and read the real issues, not stupid made up stuff. How can we be so stupid to believe that Theresa was taken to ISA for her safetly (Thank Sy.Ahbar for the joke of the year) or that Mainstream webportals aren’t allowed to cover the UMNO election (although they were given passes) due to the small space constraint in PWTC? (KJ quote of the week) UMNO has no space to cover 6 media team, which they had earlier issued passes?these are people that we entrust to run the country and they can’t even plan the media in their own assembly? Ya Allah save us then. For the brave unsung heroes of the BRB (Barisan Rakyat Bloggers) I have spoken to Mr.Shan and Mr.Pathma and they know how to get a hold of me but if your in Sungai Petani then let me the first to start the ball rolling in this active plan, email me (if you cant contact Mr.Harris or Mr.Pathma) I offer you my house should you need to rest and stay and have some home cook meal as you break from you task. Anything within my power that I can help insyallah I will. Email me at mymajestic@gmail.com Where is William Wallance when you need him..

Peace.

Second Childhood

2009-03-24T14:01:00.000+08:00

Years agao, my brothers and I would go the magical highland, Genting Highliand. The first trip was when I was in the airlines and as a reward I took my 2 brothers up to watch a magic show. Those days I cannot even drive( heck I was 18 when I joined MAS) and I remember from Ami Paa’s house in Ampang, it was Ami Syed that sponsored the cab fair for the trip. We had a gala time and it was a first among many trips to come, in later years when I was with Leisure Holidays, we had a family trip to Genting yet again, this trip was different because mummy and family came as well with my mom. We took an apartment in Awana (Cheaper coz mums can cook heheheh) I remember running in the rain from the sky cable car to Awana with my brothers (Mesmir ended up with pneumonia on this account)it was a family trip to remember. Then as we grew older (can drive car already) Zaki and I would go up Genting Highland just for coffee (ya ya those days there was not much things to do, no WOW yet) then there was the trip with Izzany to catch a rave party, we actually when up twice (separate rave party) and those were what I call my party era. Prior to my marriage, I brought my future wife and her brothers up to Genting Highland. Truth to be told, I am a child at heart (heck,I got this rare age disorder diease, my age never goes above 28 heheheh) Izzany and I were the best xtreme people (well,anything extreme that does not involved sweating) we would go to all the rides and crazy stunts, one of my regret is that I could never take my brothers to Gold Coast and Disneyland. So the sloarshot and roller coster rides were our cup of tea and we never missed it.

Recently I managed to bring my two kids to Genting Highland, their mother was kind enough to invite me and shared the cost for the trip. If I had one wish on that day, it was so that my brothers could be there. The journey that god had planned for me and for us is indeed a long and hard one, losing so many things in life allows you to appreciate the small and simple things in life. Kierra had a blast up there but unfortunately for Iddraqi he had to spent the day in the room (well he had a great time there as well coz the aircond and he could run around and jump on the bed) why do they do the rooms so so small lolz. Anyhow the moment we arrived, Kierra was excited already and as there was a ton of people there (being school holiday and all) we decided to go the park 1^st . The first thing she saw was the merry go round, well she was asking about it since we left SP and she went about 4 times on it lolz, I as the ever doting father sat on it as well. Its not as easy as it seems coz I got kind of dizzy for the 1^st few rounds (ya y aim getting old) after coaxing her off the ride, both of us took a walk in the berry chocolate land, nothing much to see but she had a good time, this was when I realize that my life was over (well not in that sense) let me elaborate, we as adults go through life in phase and stages. Of course certain people takes different choices and paths in their life, which leads to another phase or chapter ( hence some go the right and go the darker side of things) Once upon a time,I used to have another meaning of fun but now I find another meaning in it. I can just imagine my brothers laughing at me from heaven, me on joy rides and kidde rides, to me to see the joy on my daughter’s face is justification for the trip, all the pain and worries of the world disappears and we see the world from a whole new angle. I now know what my goal is and though my personal heart is lonely and in pain, somehow I ignore it and focus on my kids, wanting them to grow wise and mature with all the trappings that I can provide for them, watching the current world today where many don’t even finish form five and even at form 3, girls are coming back at wee hours of the morning and having boyfriends and what not, I worry for the future of my kids. A strong religion back ground, a sense of belonging is a sure must platform to ensure they grow to be special people that I imagine and want them to be. And while they are growing up,being with them is my 2ns childhood.

peace

A cold March

2009-03-12T01:38:00.001+08:00

The month begins with a cold showers,things are not looking good.how do you be best friend with you’re the person you once loved? Arghhhh how do one cope?now the whole company knows about the house issue. I am seriously thinking of moving work. Maybe after the election, I still want to be in politics in PKR to be exact, this UMNO and BN is sucking our country dry. The other day, I was told by close friends that some schoolmates of mine, who are oil plam growers had to fish in the local river for FISH to EAT. I was shocked!! This is the year 2009 and we have people that once was doing good but now had to fish in rivers for food?OMG where are the leaders..any leader will do. Why cant the federal government step in and run the show in Perak while waiting for the courts to decide who is the MB since HRH Sultan Perak will not let the people decide.Dont the royal family read the news? Don’t they hear the crying of the people?does protecting a royal scandal (BN is blackmailing the HRH me thinks) is worth the agony of the rakyat? This question keeps poping on people’s mind,I mean even a dumb person with an IQ of a pea knows the best solution to Perak is to hold fresh elections,let the people decide,if what BN keeps saying in TV3 and Utusan that the people of Perak loves BN then prove it,use the system DO NOT HIDE BEHIND THE SULTAN. Come on Najib,show us that you have the guts to do what need to be done..

Enuff said..

A day in the beach...

2009-01-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

Pictures from the bird park.

2009-01-31T19:45:00.000+08:00

All here….

3rd Day in Langkawi

2009-01-31T19:43:00.001+08:00

Today we started early.. 11am we already left the house to the bank then lunch and later to the Bird Park. I thought the bird park was small. Little did I know the size of it, t was a well runned placed and fun for the family. I truly recommend it to all if you come to the island.

This was inside the bird park. More pics are coming.

Langkawi

2009-01-30T13:24:00.000+08:00

1^st family vacation langkawi- Day 1. Sadly mumm had to work..sigh…

Aiya Sori lew

2008-04-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

Its been so so long, a new year has started (almost half of the year already) the biggest news is well, many new additions to the family..Ami Jon is a new dad, Shahrul is a dad and Ami Mat is also a new dad..Rizal (yup my very own cousin) is married..(when baby coming is the million dollar question) He broke the tradition by having an online wedding album, (hey what can I say? We are an Pro- IT Family) you can check it out www.syedjohanrizalthewedding.com The 7 day event was not only the highlight for the family but also the highlight and talk of the town. The whole Alor Setar was a buzzed and I have to say that Rizal’s wedding turned out to be a life changing experience for me&the family…(more on that later)

Sadness also enveloped the family with the passing of Tok Su (arghhhhh pulut kacau nak cari mana lew?) and Tok Ami Mat (Our guardian of Tok Lid’s house…is not the same now days) God loves them more and while they are with His Almighty, we are still here to struggle on this earth. Now days when I go to Tok Lid’s house, there are times I still catch myself expecting to see or hear Tok Ami Mat around the corner. The house itself brings back so many memories, it is where I grew up..(climbing the coca-cola truck in the evenings for a few bottles of coke-much to Tok Ami Mat’s chargin and Abang Pit horror) where night after night, Tok Lid doing his walk around the area while overseeing us doing our homework( Ami Noi& Ami Chick can be quite strict in those days) News of the house might be torn down to help and finance the Yayasan Shahabudin puts a damper in my heart. Where would Kierra and Iddraqi hold their wedding or hang out, For years the house has been the anchor for the family and even now it holds strong as the meeting point for all. Many (Cousins) are against the plan and doing what we can to come up with an alternative plan to maintain the house. Anyhow, that is a debate for another day…

Life changed for us as I secured a job with Cinta Sayang Resort as their event manager. Under the resort is also the The Carnivall Water Park. Well, we have moved to Sungai Petani and slowly building our life there. Work is really hard, as competition is tough in the company. Though I head my own department but with many overlapping and cross tasking, there are a pile of paperwork to do. With Visit Kedah year and The Royal Jubilee Celebration, I have my work cut out for me. It’s a bit sad that our beloved state of Kedah is missing out on many high profile events (yes yes I am working on this matter) so for the moment its promote and event creation. You will see some improvements and hopefully we would be able to conduct a successful campaign. As long as the Federal Government holds..(REFORMASI!!!!) well, sorry for the long absent from the blog..but hey I’ back and let us start again… till laters…take care. Dont forget to go and check out www.shahabudin.com

Its Starts here

2007-03-19T15:56:00.000+08:00

The world turns and everything changes…some change for the better while some stays for the worse..Me? just came back from A.Setar…my cousin wedding. It was fun. Hey had a full protocol wedding coz the bride was from Johor.

I had missed the Johor one becoz of some Nissa was not feeling well. My second baby coming…yehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….of course Kierra will be truly happy becoz she going to get a brother or sister..(Brother I hope) well back to the Kedah trip..

Arrived at about 7pm..changed and went straight to Ami Nan’s house, there we were the first to arrive from KL, Kierra had a grand time running around and playing with her cousins. Me? I wan rather catching up with my cousins and uncles..so many stories. With Ami Jon getting married again at the end of the month.. Ami Jon deserve the happinest I guess, what does want strive for if not for happinest, some may find happiness in games, love, family while some find it in gambling and other stuff…well, its one own desire I guess. For me, the joy is seeing my daughter running and laughing away..She is turing two years old soon….i remember her as a tiny little thing, hardly bigger than my hand and now the has grown so much….

While at A.S, I caught AF5 on astro.. MY GOD….here we go again…what is wif this AF thing….i thought it was all over BUT no here we go again…agrhhhhh….anyway as I make some semblance of the show, like I said..some people see things differently and me well I see it all different. Hmm cant say much now..maybe later….first day Monday….ayooooo so malas to work alrd…My PsiMaster is macroing in theme park…to get 1 bar also wanna cry…haizzz…. Kk I sign off 1^st..catch u laters..