Whoa..almost missed the June month, Well better late than never i always say. Dont be surprised that this is done at 1250 noon and not the usual 3-6am...heck i havent slept at all... no no it wasnt the world cup football... it was more of a storm... anyhow.. here i am.
It almost 2 days till Zaki's birthday and i still wish he was here and there is not a day that goes by that i wish i had him or i was with him. This month has been a month of a roller coster ride, work wise there are many decesions that needs to be done and many things that i have to decide. As i said before this time around, i live my life for me and no one else. a turmoil of emotions and feelings. Yet thru the barricades, we push thru.
Love, such is the mystery of the word, a world of fantasy and magic, Why magic? magic because of what it can do, the magical things that would one would never think of, Flying thousands of miles to see a smile, to cook a special dish, to have a bed full of rose petals, to bring smile and laughter for these are magical moments, Fantasy because of the things you feel you can do and the intimate quiet night staring into each other eyes no need for food or anything . For most, love feeds them, it is the fuel for the soul, it makes us strong, daring and bold. We fight for love, we do things for love. To do deeds or to work hard to accomplish a goal for a loved one the things we do to keep love alive, silently changing ourselves so that we may be able to keep the love one with us. And so, millions of people search for love, millions would abuse it while millions more yearn for it. There are but a few that are scared of it, although they prayed for it and allowed love in their hearts, yet it scares them, unable to take the negative to positive, My dad use to say, you can take a horse to the water but you cant force it to drink. I have fought for what i want all my life, to find that someone that can calm my raging thoughts and shackle the demons within, they have been a few that crossed my path and yet i never expected to find it merely 5 months ago(almost 5) and it was never easy, i had resisted and tried to hold back, in the end i just let it flow and the things about me that would annoy others only made me more lovable to her and all the things about her that she thought would drive me away only made me even closer to her, Yet, it is never enough and sadly the reason was i guess my curse and that as always brought disaster.
How do you fight for someone that does not want to fight? being the fool that i am, i gave in my all and yet its like quick sand and slowly i am sinking. Holding on with all might, yet even the mighty fall and the words of " If you love something then let them go" comes to play. I always worry that she wont come back .
What is life all about? the million dollar question and one that no one have the answers, If it was never meant to be than why did it ever cross your path and no problems arise, except the one we create and make it up on our own.
As i sit here and my heart is bleeding badly, it is amazing how cold a person can be, all for no reason but in their own mind, Where this will lead? all i know i gave it my all and it just wasn't good enough. For those of you out there, be strong, have faith and never give up on love, it is the most magical serum for life. Live your life. Find you path.
