Today has been a sort of revelations, Something found and lost, something lost but found and something there but forgotten. As most of us tackle the hard parts of the day, from deciding what to do about a relationship, lost in the workload and other mundane problems but yet i sat through the NASOM meeting today, for those who don't know it stands for NASOM - The National Autism Society of Malaysia. The reason im there is because Iddraqi is diagnose of Autism, What is it..ok in a nutshell (copy paste in progress)
"Autism is known as a complex developmental disability. Experts believe that Autism presents itself during the first three years of a person's life. The condition is the result of a neurological disorder that has an effect on normal brain function, affecting development of the person's communication and social interaction skills.
People with autism have issues with non-verbal communication, a wide range of social interactions, and activities that include an element of play and/or banter."
So there i was listening to these other parent talking about thier kids and how i have felt small by doing so little for my son. Yes, in terms of parenthood and family, i am there for him and now he is able to show he misses me too, small things like work wise for the good of the society, afterall, i am in doing events and as such have come up with events and fund raising but yet i have done so little. Caught up in the dance of the world i guess, Feeling left out and wanting to belong somewhere that times i see nothing else. Yet, a reminder of the past that reminded me of the things lost and after the meeting i realize that losing something that i had found may be in some ways trivial to the needs of many. i have fought many battles and moved mountains for not only worked by the partners of my life, if merely to show them how i feel and many a times that i have sacrificed for them, the meeting made me realize that if they leave and claim whatever they claim, in time God shows his hand and for somethings has to happen, i told once that i am able to live like this, even the loneliness is company but i have once found something but i didnt fight for it hard enough and now i fight too hard, let it be, for in the end i know what i am capable of and what i can achieve, some forgive but yet never forget and thus was kind enough to have faith while others know was true in thier heart but have not faith to believe in it.
When i started AKR with my brother, many a times, i was asked " how do i know this event is gonna make it, how do i know the sponsors will pay, how do i know if we can survive tomorrow and many other things . Well the answer is simple, BECAUSE i believe that it will happen, nothing can be done if you cant visualize it happening, and most times, well all the times, its me saying that, i wish someone would say it once in a while but today someone did, and although its not what you think but it is a first step. Everyone needs someone and someone also need everyone but yet we fail to see it. Amazing.
For me, i vow to now be weary and careful, to focus on the good i can do to many rather than one. My son's school need me and i pray that god will guide me with his wisdom and blessing to ensure the safe ride. For those that will eventually win my heart, know now that it is always a package and you will always come next after Kierra and Iddraqi, and thier needs, notpersonal ones but like Iddraqi NASOM,if the energy and focus i put in there, i am very sure to get there, and i pray that God grants me my wish- which is to have a woman win my heart and crazy enough to join me on this journey, for it will be her i derive my energy, someone that supports and holds you up rather than pull you down. Not to say some have not, they have but yet in human weakness (me) and times scared and unsure, they stray away from me so i pray that one will return, until that day arises, i guess i will just gone dreaming of yesterdays, facing today and embracing tomorrow.
PEACE
P/S: Tonight i present to you: Syed Nong Iddraqi Shahabudin Bin Syed Sherezal
