OMG.... one whole month of note writing.. hahahaha... anway just a quick note to those that are concerned (as if..) its been a hectic month, with 1NPS finishing and WCA around the corner. A sad outing at MPOC, where we were merely 8 seconds too late... sigh....
I write to day to remember of my dad's birthday (it was yesterday but i took kierra out to a funfair and got dizzy on the rides so couldnt write. hahahah ) i want to remember today:
- A day when a new venture will be formed in KL
- Of how a corporate semi government owned body is screwing around with us, merely over 108k issue of which the ex boss made the blunder but we are now made to pay for it. Ignoring the fact that we brought in RM10 million to them... sigh..
- Of how, people tend to forget when we are down and having hiccups by being calculative and demanding (wait till we get stable then as they say.. it is a dish best served cold)
- Of my process to dedicate my life to my son and daughter, trying to hide the loneliness and misery.
- Of my process of cutting out the things in my life that hurts and harms me more than it ever does good.
- Of my search for that special someone to return to at night and raise the kids with me, facing the troubles and celebrating the success by my side.
- Of being valued and appreciated rather than being remembered when needed and discarded when not needed.
I have as usual more to write but i am cahsing time, decided not to go to KL this week and rather spend my time with my kids. Even at this age, i do miss my dad, i envy those who still have theirs and annoyed at those who abuse theirs, in times of trouble, it is the father that will come and bail us out. either by obtaining loans or opening doors, my dad was like that, in his life, many people he helped and now i am alone without him and my two brothers, how i wish they are around. finding the strengths to go on is getting harder, telling everyone that it will work out and finding solutions for others is getting tiring, while ignoring the pain and gap in my heart and life. I do get lonely, and without a motivation to push forward. Those that have once won my soul and capture my heart is more harm than good, they too have gone and walked away. No one is daring enough to bite and fight. well i am still here, fighting and biting and till my dying breath i will.
I just want to remember today.
Peace.
