Its late but as the past couple of weeks,sleep escape me.i miss my daughter&i fear that they are pushing her further away.do they not of the oath i made 2 her that i will always be by her side.her savior.have they forgetten of how attached i am 2 her?i recall gentin trip when they just enrossed with themselves&just left us both 2gether.now they keep us apart,on pretext of parental right but how easy 4 them 2 forget that im her father.so easy 4 them 2 manipulate her&use her as hostage in securing thier selfish motive but masking it as parental love while they neglect&abandon her 2 year old brother?what kind of ppl r these?do they not fear god?kierra my princess,walid is sorry 4 this&of the things 2 come.walid never meant 4 these 2 happen.if walid knew then walid would never allow&let u b kidnapp.walid swear that walid wil not rest until ur returned home&reunited with ur brother.walid love&miss u so so much.sleep well my princess&walid shall guard&pray 4 u always.love ur father.

thinking&missing

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Happy Birthday..

Today (well yesterday..tat is 10/10) was my son's birthday. Since his mom and sister could not make it, i decide to take him out to town to all the rides and play ground. He was happy as a clam, though a bit of stomach upset, he jumped and played till evening. in fact just put him to bed. He turned 2 today. i wonder how will it be when he turns 20, with the current issues at hand,its hard for me to see what the future will bring. Watching other families, i wish things could have turned out better.

now i am left pondering, how to decide for the best for their future. He& his sister, cant be selfish on the matter, have to think of them,i dont want them growing up on the road or deprived of certain things, as i was growing up, my dad was away most time and when they were born, i swore an oath that i will never let them feel abandon or neglected (not that i felt that way when i was young, my mom was around 100% and my dad was special that he made us know he was there even if he was far away). For all this reasons that i decline taking up a job offer to manage an international exhibition or an international event company rather i am contented to stay where i am make the best of what i have here, surely no plans to be a millionaire anymore but rather saving up for their future. i hope and pray everynight that god intervenes and makes things right because i really don't want to put them through a trial and error process, rather at thier tender age, it would be best they grow up in a safe, stable enviroment, constantly attended to and frequent at family functions, this i releasied that even by staying a mere 30 minutes from my home town, i failed to bring them closer, now that i have moved back to my home town, i hope to give them the stable and comfortable life that they deserve. Pray with me...

Demo team

The demo team

The souls of my life...

Things that makes life worth living....

The Most Beautiful Flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long,straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see

The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy, Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

Little Girl

There is a beautiful
crystal castle
it sits on a hill
and watches the land
The soul owner is
a beautiful little girl
She plays in the garden
has everything she needs
and lives in happiness
One morning she looked
into the mirror
and saw a stranger
It was a woman
and she realised it was
herself, all grown up
In the background
scenes of her future life
flitted before her
She looked deep into the woman's eyes
and what she saw made her want to cry
She had never seen or felt
such pain
The woman stared at her
and could not understand
why such a happy little girl
would have reason to cry
The little girl said
"I am you and you are me
I need you to love me
and I will love you
Take me away from this place
and I will make your heart my home
there is much love there but you
must unlock the door
and we can face the world
together"

Cup or Coffee

Are you looking for a Cup or a Coffee?

A group of Computer Engineers, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones.

"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups."

"Now if life is coffee , then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "

So the moral of this story is........don't let the cups drive you, enjoy the coffee instead.

Why Cant i sleep...

Its 1230am and adik's crying again, as i try to put him to bed, my mind drifts, to a time and place that was magical at one time,
how come i cant let it go, even through all the things that has been done to me and loved ones, the shortcomings and pain, i still cant let it go?
Would it take another to make me let it go? another breath life in this cold and lonely soul? so that it may once again rejoice and stop dreaming of something that will never come again? i wonder? and i ponder... why does the taste, sight and beauty of the love still haunts me, even after almost 7 years still the excitement and expectation spurs me, was it because of the closeness we once shared? those nights when we held each other when the chips are down and figuring out tomorrow? was it the love and tenderness in those eyes that sparked my will to fight and preserver the hardest of life hardship? was it the moans, crys and extacy that keep me loyal and true of heart?

Where has it gone? what has happen? going through Syawal without it, makes me feel the loneliness more, has someone better come along? someone that understands, satisfy and excite more than me? Maybe that is why i have to let go, and suffer, have this 2 precious jewels of life to spur me on, now although i may lose them as well,
God, i have been praying hard,since my sinnful acts, repent and ask for forgivness, why wont angels help me? bring back the one i so love and adore, the one that shared my ups and downs, banish the wicked and demonic one and replace with the one my soul is attached to..why god? is it that i am meant to let it go? to keep the magic of 7 years as memory? or is it someone will come to fill my soul in the future? How come i do not have the love and attention as others? what is it that they have that i dont, for one thing for sure, no one knows better than me, it was I who brought light to the darkest of our days, defended and fought for all. Was it all for naught? was it all wasted? for the jewels of my soul that fills my heart, it is not, only the return of my soulmate would ease this ache, oh why do i desire her so? to prove that i am above all the rest in her desire? to taste her satisfaction as no one else can give but me? why oh why? help me find my way..please dear god.

i know that i have to let it go, let her go as others who are better in her eyes are awaiting then why do i seek her attention so? her wants so badly? her love madly? if letting go is what i must do, then TRULY with all my love i would give in to her request of letting her go....

Glimpse of a happy memory: http://sherezal.blogspot.com/2009/05/tin-life.html