Flying Swan

The Flying Swan

“He sits and watches the sky, wondering if she will ever fly back or perhaps fly by. In the not too distant past, he recalls when he first found her, the swan of his life.

It was in the month of October that he found her, she had quarrelled with her mate and had problems in her nest, he had found her and took her in his life, offering her shelter and comfort, trying as hard as his can to cure her pain and bring joy to his swan. She could not fly too high back then and even if she did, to other areas she would leave and fly out but still as always she would fly back to him and he would be faithfully waiting for her return.

At a time when he had moved on and gave up on most of the world, he found her and she taught him of many things, as time passed, they grew closer and more intimate though he knew it was an impossible match, she being a flying swan while he is but a mere mortal. Theirs was a tough journey. Yet, through it all, she taught him patience, compassion and understanding and within her he found the sounds of the world going silent and for a rare moment he found the quietness of peace. Although her flight was far often as she got better and further and further she would fly away from him, yet she always found her way to him and never failed to make him feel wanted, missed and loved. For theirs was a match that was blessed by the stars and guided by the heavens.

In one of her flights, something terrible happen as she lost one of her closest flock and she came down to earth. He had tried to consul her but looking at her flight, he wrongly decided to let her fly away, he did the unthinkable and he walked away. She moved on and tried to find a match within her realm while he tried to hide the pain by trying to cover up with other matters but yet one cannot run away from destiny and fate, their path crossed yet once again.

He came looking for her and did so to win her heart and for months he had tried and tried, for a while she seemed to opened up and looked like there was hope for them. Although he wanted more, he wanted what was lost or something far better for both of them. But her new found flight path drew her further and further away from him

He looked at his loved swan as she slept, tired of a hard day of flying, he puts away his needs and wants, how he wants to be in her arms, how he wants her comfort, how he wants to see that glow of love in her eyes , how he misses their long chats and jokes and tease, he puts it all away in dire hopes to find peace and be there for her, and yet he could not hold back the hints and notes he left behind to say that she is forgetting him  as he cannot seem to find a place in her life anymore as she is unable to come into his. As hard as he has to admit, as much pain that it will bring him, he knows that he has to let her go, he must let her fly. Fly to find her path, fly to find her route but yet provide the needs to ensure that her flight is uninterrupted, giving her a roof when she is in need of rest and to feed her while she is in need of food.

In her he had found hope, that there would be a better tomorrow, a brighter future and an everlasting love but for now, it will remain just that, HOPE as he knows that she needs to fly and him being there will only tie her down, weighting a heavy burden on her shoulders. He does not want to be crossed with her when she cannot provide the comfort and needs that he is accustomed to from her in the past. He knows the pain will come, yet again it will come and for another winter will come to his soul, freezing his heart and breaking it into a thousand pieces.

In his minds eye, he sees the her future, how she will prosper in her flight, excel in her path she has chosen, it kills him that he will never be able to be by her side, as he knows he cannot. He is not built that way, he is far too selfish to share her with the world and so he decides to let her fly on her own, let the world have her and sacrifice himself in the process, all in the name of love.

Yet till the end of time, you can always find him suddenly lost in his thoughts as a sad painful cloud descends over him and no matter how hard he tries to hide it, the eyes do not lie and it is in his eyes that the pain and sorrow manifest, the pain of losing and missing her, the flying swan that captured his soul and one that he gave his love to. He wonders and prays that one day, she will fly back to him, shower him with love and care as only she can. One can almost hear him whisper daily in his nightly prayers “Fly swan, fly higher and soar, as you make me proud, go with my love and fly with my heart, although i cannot fly by your side, forget not that i shall always be watching from the ground, ever ready to catch you should you tire and weary to fly anymore, until then fly my beautiful swan”

End. “

A Psimaster Story- Dedicated to my flying swan

Salam Eid

Shawal..Yet Again

               Its that time of year again, after a month of fasting then raya comes with the celebration and joy. Maybe im just in foul mood or maybe im just annoyed with everyone but doesn’t Ramadan brings out the most fake in people? I aint saying im a saint or anything but every year without fail, so many people suddenly becomes so religious, preaching so many stuff.

               Someone once told me that Rasul once said that the first and hardest battle a human can have is with himself. Through a very rough 6 months, it seems that I have lost all that was dear to me, or so it seems.

A Girl that stole my heart and soul, one that I truly sacrificed a lot for but in the end she walked away.

A company that was built with endorsements and encouragement of friends that became partners but in the end it was the same two that betrayed and set it up for a burn.

A brotherhood that was founded in 2009 and from a obscure nothing but a cyber café to a company that won guniess book awards and brushed shoulders with  powers such as Tun M and others but in the end the same source went hell bent to destroy it merely for the sake of neglect of him.

A friendship that grew from the first event held in Sugai Petani and grew his event to a world wide international recognition but in the end greed stole it and drowned it.

I am not sore neither am I being vindictive, im too old for that, it is just that I am sad that the people that trusted the event and put their money in it to take a million ringgit event got burned by it.

Every coin has a side and for one story there is always another but there is no story or reason for another to plan and hijack another company money on pretense that the company is badly managed and over spending, how would they know when they are not in it and better yet they were being paid by the same company? Why? Greed.. and a self confident that they can do it. Thus, they go paint the town red of how such “saints” they are of stealing the company money as the “right” thing to do because the company owes them? If life was based on this then please let our PM know or Tun know, someone better do the saintly thing and face up on 1MDB then.

The fact that the hijack was done after the event was over, after all the bills were paid and they collected their payments it seems was easily forgotten, using hard tactics and guile, it was done as I said as the “right” thing to do. One would ask if it is the right thing to do then why haven’t they settle and paid people they owe? From sales of previous event to clients trust fund money that went missing for over 6 years now? Maybe they forget of the money spent on their “friends” a free BMW among other things.

There are about a thousand more things that I can share to prove this, from pictures to whatsapp text records to email to many other things but unlike them, I don’t go around smudging peoples name, let time speak and God does his work, I have lost a many things in my life and losing this as much as it hurts me, it wont kill me and what does not kill me only makes me stronger.

Actually, I don’t know why am I writing this but it just feels a bit better I guess, We live in world that is round and whatever goes around always comes around. Maybe I wont be around when that happens but I don’t care. As Ramadan was a month of absitencie, Shawal is a month of forgiving. My father always told me to be kind and forgiving but some things I forgive but never forget and some I forget but never forgive.

For what matters to me are my family, my mom, step dad and kids. My mom stood by me in her sickness through it all as she did when my dad was around. For all they have taken away from me, it is nothing to me, for it all I can re build with God’s grace, as before it was not me that brought the success but rather God’s will but the important thing they can never take away is that of my family. Of what my father taught me and of what I have learned. As all the Lost Boyz did. This raya will be sad as I cant visit my brothers as I have failed them but doa and fatihah can be done anywhere and I do it every night regardless of the month but its just sad I wont be there this year raya but maybe after.

I am thankful for all that god has given me, the good and the bad. The relationship with my family, the mother and uncle to my kids to a new journey and a new chapter. Yes im wounded and hurt but I am Syed Nong son and i wont go down without a fight. 

I am grateful for my Indian brothers that stood by me and together, justice will prevail. 

The only other thing that I lost is my chun buri princess, I had hoped that she would be strong enough to love me but in the end, even she walked away. I will neve know why but all I know that I had prayed for her to stay and god willing, I let her go, for if its true love then she will return to me.

To everyone, I wish a very good Eid tomorrow, Remember for what we strive in this world, in the end it is our actions, niat and intentions that will make us what we are and what we will be remembered by, it is always easy to blame others use others but when we are buried and face Al-mighty then only it counts. For me the battle for my kids future is utmost importance and I despised those that has hurt that and will never forgive for things for their personal gain and ego. Maybe get another shout out video or what ever but when they sleep, as long as they sleep, we know what happen and having worldy gains is maybe worth their efforts.

I am nobody to preach anyone, I just see things thru my eyes. 

Heck

"When you take another company money when your paid to work for them and decide what do about it, thats stealing. When you go around bad mouthing people, thats backstabbing. What another company does is their own and forget not the company was paying you. Heck.. im sick and im down but its because God wants me to be strong and a form of repent. Lucky i didnt buy a BMW and gave it to a gf,,i did for my gf but hey thats my salary from my company, whats ur excuse? i have covered 12 months but u still want to lecture me? what human are you? So high and mighty? have u forgotten of the million your firm has loss from peoples trust? Have you forgotten all the wayward spending and bad mouthing of your so called new partners now? Heck, its time to wake up, i maybe dead from an indian bullet but least i go see my brothers knowing that i can own up to my folly and stupidity. Can you?" as he sits on his bed thinking of the past that hound him, Are people so blind he thinks but never say..

**To Be Continued**