Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Reading material

Ida_KL
Jenazah Salmiah (bukan nama sebenar) dibawa ke dalam bilik untuk
dimandikan . Ahli keluarga arwah dan bilal jenazah wanita masuk mengiring. Saya berehat di ruang tamu, membaca ayat-ayat suci al-Quran. Bunyi jirusan air mencurah, kemudian jatuh ke dalam bekas mandian kedengaran jelas.
Habis sekali Yasin, saya bersandar ke dinding ruang tamu banglo cantik itu untuk melegakan urat belakang yang tegang. Saya picit-picit tengkuk, belakang lutut dan pergelangan kaki yang terasa sengal dan kebas. Ahhh,... baru lega.

Saya pandang sekeliling, jiran-jiran yang duduk di sisi serta yang yang baru sampai. Tapi secara puratanya, kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kematian di tempat lain, saya dapati tidak ramai yang datang melawat ke sini. Mungkin kerana arwah dan suaminya, Pahamin, tidak bercampur sangat dengan masyarakat.

Arwah lebih banyak menghabiskan masa di dalam rumah, tidak gemar menghadiri majlis-majlis dan kenduri kendara di tempat kediamannya manakala si suami jarang pulang ke rumah. Maklumlah, arwah adalah isteri mudanya. Saya memerhati sekeliling, mencari kalau-kalau ada kenalan yang datang. Diketika meninjau-ninjau itulah saya ternampak suami allahyarham, Pahamin sedang duduk di tepi tingkap sambil meriba anak bongsunya. Umur budak perempuan itu baru dua tahun. Abang dan kakaknya pula duduk dengan datuk mereka, bapa arwah Salmiah di dalam bilik.

Sudah lama saya kenal Pahamin, yang saya panggil Bang Min. Pahamin pernah meminta pertolongan saya untuk 'memulihkan' anak gadisnya yang di dakwa terkena buatan orang.

Menurut Pahamin, anak gadisnya dengan isteri tua beliau itu bekerja sebagai peramugari. Rupa parasnya menawan, potongan badan pun anggun. Masalah bermula apabila gadis berusia 20 tahun itu menghina seorang lelaki Indonesia yang mengusiknya ketika pulang dari bekerja. Kata gadis itu, dia lebih rela berkahwin dengan kambing daripada dengan lelaki Indonesia tersebut yang Cuma bekerja sebagai buruh binaan.

Namun seminggu kemudian, dia mula teringatkan lelaki itu. Rindu dendamnya makin menjadi-jadi menjelang senja. Kalau sehari tidak melihat lelaki berkenaan, anak gadis Pahamin akan meracau, menyebut-nyebut namanya. Alhamdulillah beberapa minggu selepas di rawat, gadis tersebut berjaya melupakan lelaki berkenaan. Nyata sekali, dia telah didengki dengan sihir.

Dari situlah saya mula kenal lebih rapat dengannya. Bila sudah kenal, Pahamin menceritakan pula latar belakang keluarganya, tentang isteri tua dan isteri muda. Saya pernah ke banglo itu, tapi tidak berbual sangat dengan arwah kerana saya lihat dia agak pendiam.

Saya tutup surah Yasin dan berjalan ke arah Pahamin yang sedang membelai rambut anaknya itu.

" Assalamualikum, Bang Min."

" Waalaikumsalam. Oooo... ustaz, bila datang ?" dia bertanya.

" Dah 10 minit. Saya duduk di sana, dekat tepi almari."

" Maaflah, tak perasan," balas Pahamin.

" Bila arwah meninggal, Bang Min ? "

" Semalam, Maghrib. Di hospital," kata Pahamin.

Menurut Pahamin, dia sendiri tidak menyangka Salmiah akan meninggal kerana menurut doktor, Cuma demam panas sahaja. Namun demamnya tidak pulih walaupun seminggu ditahan di wad, Salmiah meninggal dunia.

" Kami bawa mayatnya malam tadi. Sampai sini pukul 9.00 malam," kata Pahamin.

" Tapi... umur dia belum masuk 40 lagi kan, Bang Min ?"

" Belum, baru 37. Kira muda lagi. Saya kahwin dengan dia 12 tahun lepas, masa tu umur dia 25 tahun. Entahlah ustaz, patutnya saya yang pergi dulu... dah dekat 65 ni. Sakit jantung lagi... " kata Pahamin. Suaranya bergetar kerana terlalu sedih.

" Sabarlah... redhakan dia pergi, Bang Min,"

Di sebabkan ada seorang saudara Pahamin datang, saya meminta diri. Saya kembali duduk di tepi almari dan membaca zikir serta ayat-ayat suci. Seorang demi seorang jiran datang. Sedang khusyuk membaca, tiba-tiba terdengar nama saya di panggil.

" Hah... , awak. Kenapa Wan ?" saya bertanya kepada bilal jenazah wanita. Wan yang tiba-tiba muncul dan bertinggung di depan saya.

" Ustaz... " bisiknya, " ada hal sikitlah " sambungnya sambil memberi isyarat mengajak saya ke tempat lain.

" Kenapa ? Di sini kan boleh," tanya saya. Surah Yasin saya tutup dan
masukkan ke dalam poket.

Wan menggeleng. Dia memandang sekeliling saya, memberi isyarat bahawa 'di sini ramai orang' Dari raut wajah dan kerutan dahinya, saya pasti ada sesuatu yang tidak kena semasa dia menguruskan jenazah.

" Ustaz... kita ke sana, ya," bisik Wan.

Dia perlahan-lahan berjalan menuju ke sudut rumah yang agak jauh sedikit daripada orang ramai yang menziarah. Saya bangun dan mengekorinya. " Kenapa ni ? Berkerut aja muka awak," kata saya.

Anak murid saya tu menggaru kepala. Dia menoleh ke kiri dan kanan. Ada perkara yang hendak di luahkannya, tapi masih tak mampu diluahkannya. " Cakaplah... ada masalah apa ?" saya bertanya.

" Macam ni ustaz," kata Wan. " Alaaa..ni ... apa tu... " dia tergagap-gagap.

" Tak apa... beritau saya, mungkin saya boleh Bantu," kata saya.

Dengan suara berbisik Wan berkata; "Ustaz bahagian sulit arwah bengkak, keluar nanah tak henti-henti."

Nanah ? Saya terkejut. Tadi, Pahamin tidak pula memberitahu saya apa-apa akan keadaan arwah. Malah penyakit arwah tiada kaitan dengan alat kelaminnya.

" Bengkak macam mana ? Nanah macam mana ? " tanya saya.

Menurut Wan, sewaktu meratakan air ke tubuh jenazah, dia menggosok bahagian alat sulit arwah, tiba-tiba dia merasa ada sesuatu yang pelik. Kemaluan jenazah bengkak seperti belon. Ia merening merah seperti jambu air yang sedang ranum. Seolah-olahnya bahagian itu baru di sengat binatang berbisa, hanya menunggu masa untuk pecah dan menyemburkan isinya.

Lebih mengejutkan Wan, bila gosok ke celahan bahagian alat sulit itu, mengalir pula nanah yang amat busuk baunya. Ia berwarna kuning-kehijauan, seperti nanah atau darah yang bercampur-aduk dengan kotoran pekat. Likat, meleleh dari farajnya.

" Baunya... ya Allah, busuk. Saya mencucinya dengan air dan kapas, tapi kemudian mengalir semula. Ia tak berhenti-henti meleleh walaupun puas di cuci," tambah Wan.

Anak murid saya itu memberitahu, kawan-kawan yang menggantikannya untuk membersihkan bahagian sulit arwah juga merasa pelik melihat bengkak yang lebam merening serta nanah pekat yang terus-terusan mengalir. Hendak di
bincangkan di situ, bimbang nanti tersinggung pula ahli keluarga arwah yang turut ada di dalam bilik.

" Sebab tulah saya datang jumpa ustaz ni. Saya teringat ustaz ada di luar, mungkin boleh tolong sikit, beritau kami apa nak buat. Saya tak maulah benda ni jadi heboh. Aib jenazah, ustaz," kata Wan.

Mendengar cerita itu, saya menasihatkan Wan supaya terus memandikan jenazah tersebut. Apabila di rasakan sudah cukup bersih, cepat-cepatlah di lap, kemudian letakkan kapas bahagian tersebut. Lekapkan agak tebal sedikit supaya nanah tidak menembusinya.

Kata saya, buat sepantas yang boleh supaya bau tersebut tidak tersebar, kelak akan memalukan jenazah. Kepada orang yang memandikannya, bukan rahsia, tapi kepada keluarga dan jiran-jiran, tentulah mereka nanti tertanya-tanya. Dari situ, timbul pula fitnah dan cakap-cakap yang tidak elok.

" Terima kasih ustaz," kata Wan." Saya pergi dulu "

Dia bergegas masuk semula ke dalam bilik. Tidak lama kemudian, bunyi jirusan berhenti. Lebih setengah jam kemudian, Wan memberitahu saya, jenazah sudah pun di kapankan. Seperti lazimnya, ahli keluarga arwah
merapati mayat untuk mencium dan membacakan ayat-ayat suci untuknya. Mayat di kebumikan tidak lama kemudian.

Selesai urusan, saya mendekati Wan, dan bertanya lebih lanjut kepadanya. Maklumlah, dia baru beberapa tahun terlibat dengan pengurusan jenazah dan tidak ada pengalaman menyempurnakan mayat yang sebegitu sifatnya.
Nyata, Wan masih terkejut dengan apa yang di alaminya tadi.

" Ustaz," kata murid saya itu, " bukan aja kemaluan arwah bengkak merening, bernanah, tapi buah dada dia pun jadi..jadi... macam mana saya nak cakap ya... " katanya tanpa menghabiskan kata-kata.

" Jadi macam mana pulak, Wan ?" saya bertanya.

" Hmmm... jadi kecut. Macam mana ustaz tengok buah pinang kering, kecut, berkedut, macam tu lah buah dada jenazah. Macam peria kecut. Saya bukan nak aibkan jenazah, tapi nak beritau ustaz aja. Saya tak pernah tengok
benda-benda macam ni, jadi saya beritau supaya ustaz yang dah berpuluh tahun urus jenazah dapat membantu," katanya.

Saya termenung. Aneh benar keadaan si mati. Bukannya hendak mengada-adakan sesuatu yang buruk, bukan... .tapi terfikir saya, kenapa hanya di bahagian-bahagian sulitnya saja yang jadi jelik. Badannya macam biasa saja, tapi pelik sungguh... yang bawah merening, yang atas mengecut ?

Kalau dia sakit teruk, tak makan tak minum hingga badan tinggal tulang, mungkin juga. Itulah logiknya hingga buah dada arwah mengecut. Tapi arwah tidak macam tu. Dia cuma terlantar seminggu di hospital. Makan minumnya terjaga.

" Tak apalah, Wan. Serahkan lah sahaja pada Allah. Kita ni tak boleh nak syak wasangka tanpa bukti. Mungkin dia ada penyakit di bahagian itu, mana kita tau.

" Anggaplah ini pengalaman yang baik, yang akan mengajar awak bagaimana untuk menguruskan jenazah-jenazah lain pada masa-masa akan datang." Tambah saya lalu meminta diri.

Hendak di jadikan cerita, dua minggu kemudian Pahamin datang ke rumah saya. Dia mengadu tidak dapat tidur lena kerana selalu di ganggu bayangan arwah.

" Kadang-kadang nampak kelibat dia dalam bilik tidur. Ada kalanya berbau wangi, macam perfume yang dia selalu guna. Anak-anak pula beritahu, pernah mereka terdengar bunyi tapak kaki berjalan dalam bilik arwah. Tapi bila buka, tak ada," katanya.

Lama juga kami berbual, hinggalah masuk kepada bab keluarga. Tanpa sedar , dan tanpa di minta Pahamin membuka rahsia hubungan beliau dengan arwah. Langsung, tersingkaplah rahsia mengapa bahagian-bahagian sulit arwah menjadi demikian jelik.

" Ustaz," kata Pahamin, " saya rasa, mungkin ia berlaku sebab arwah nusyuk dan melanggar sumpah."

" Sumpah ? Saya tak faham, Bang Min."

" Ya, sumpah. Saya akui, saya ni bukan baik sangat. Arwah pula bila jiran-jiran beritahu saya ada perempuan lain, dia mula naik angin. Dia kata, tak cukup dua, nak menggatal lagi. Tua tak sedar diri, katanya.

" Hubungan kami jadi renggang. Kami selalu berselisih faham.Saya makin jarang balik ke rumah arwah. Kalau balik pun, tak ada lain... . Bertengkar, bertengkar, bertengkar.

" Dalam masa yang sama , saya di maklumkan oleh kawan-kawan, arwah ada buat hbungan sulit dengan lelaki lain. Saya tanya dia, betul ke?. Dia tak mengaku. Macam-macam dia berdalih. Tapi saya tak percaya. Bagi saya,
kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang. Hubungan kami makin hari makin teruk.

" Kemuncaknya kami bertengkar hebat. Saya kata, Salmiah, cakap terus terang, awak ada buat hubungan dengan lelaki lain tak ? Awak ada buat benda tak senonoh tak ?. Dia tak mengaku. Saya kata, saya tak percaya. Lama kami bertengkar. Akhirnya dia kata, kalau suami boleh buat, boleh cari perempuan lain, kenapa isteri tidak?. Kata arwah dia masih muda, masih bergetah, bukannya susah sangat nak cari pasangan.

" Bila saya kata, ' awak mesti dah buat benda terkutuk dengan lelaki lain' arwah marah. Dia marah betul. Dia kata,' saya bersumpah , kalau saya buat dengan orang lain, alat sulit saya ni akan di binasakan Tuhan.'

" Lebih kurang tiga bulan lepas bersumpah, arwah sakit. Badan panas, tak boleh bangun, sampailah meninggal. Yang saya pelik, dan menyebabkan saya kata mayat dia jadi macam tu sebab derhaka dan melanggar sumpah ialah alat sulitnya merening manakala buah dada mengecut sebaik sampai ke rumah.

" Kami perasan benda tu masa nak salin pakaiannya. Mula-mula nampak buah dadanya mengecut. Kemudian nampak pula bahagian alat sulitnya mengelembung, merening macam belon. Makin lama, makin besar dan keluar nanah," kata Pahamin.

Saya termangu mendengarnya. " Mungkin dia ada sakit di bahagian itu tak, Bang Min ?"

" Tak ... tak ada. Yang itu saya tau benar. Lagi pun saya tengok dia di hospital, buah dada dan alat kelaminnya normal," tegas Pahamin.

Saya termenung. Ini sudah kes berat. Dalam hati saya berkata, mungkin ini lah balasan Tuhan pada isteri yang menderhaka, curang, nusyuk kepada suami

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal

Farewell ramadan,

I say goodbye to Ramadan, many things happen within that magical month, some good some bad.

 I close the chapter on Cinta saying Resort and moved on, I enjoyed my time working there, in the end with idiots running the show and all the able people left (steven,GG,Mark and many others) the whole place was collapsing, With a head that didn’t know the difference between up and down,it was better for me to leave, though they made it easier for me with a botched up DI, least im gonna get some compassion pay muahahah.

I close the chapter on fighting for a lost cause, months of months of effort to no vail, nothing changes, all it amount up to was me paying the bills and doing my part while the other party just took advantage of the whole thing. I close this chapter, once and for all. Though it pains me like mad but there is no point going on. After 7 years, I had hope and prayed that it could be saved but after my latest discovery in my OWN house,Enough is enough

I close the chapter of my life being a victim, a victim and a softy, I am tired of being pushed around, scared of losing my life soul but in the end, I submit to the will of God, I have to return to who I was before, the strength and pillar of before.

 

Welcome Syawal,

I welcome the change as I once again embark on the road of self employment and hard work. No more waiting or easy street, going back to the old school style. Use these talents that God has bestowed on me and making the best of life.

I welcome the new challenge of raising my children and teaching them the values of life, values that has been the back bone of the Shahab family, the togetherness and responsibility.

I Welcome the renewed search for the best partner for me, one that will support me, one that can soothe my aches and one that I can share this soul with. Let God show me his greatness and provide me with his blessing, for he alone knows the pains I have gone through and it is my hope and prayers that he will be kinder to me and give me the courage to fasce the test he  will give me.

 

As I went to say my prayers to my father and brothers, I realize that in this hectic world, where most are so concern about baju raya or who makes more money or who has bigger car, I take heed from my uncle that these are not important, as long as when ever there is emergency or when my kids need money for school and what not, it is there then it is enough. As recite prayers and Al-Fatiha for those I love, I pray and vow that my children will be brought up with the old values that makes us Malay and Islam, for when I die, it will to them I hope to grace my grave and the others to ensure that its clean and to them I hope they will recite the prayers and Al-Fatiha so that my passage to heaven is easier, for what else can a man want for the best legacy that one can leave behind are children that are close to God and have Iman in their hearts, Dad, I hope that you are proud of me as I try to be the anak soleh as told by God.

 

For these revelations, I say let the change come, Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal.

 

Amin

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

No room to turn?

A blog is as they say a blog and as such its one personal opinion of matters and things, after months and months of trying to get things corrected and you try to go all the proper channels with no vail then what else can you do? If you are victimized and you are left out without an income for some trumped up charges.

How do you feel when already you have trouble at home, yet people take advantage of you and seems there is no stopping them, how many more victims will be sacrificed? The fact that they took great efforts to tarnish and smear my name after I had help to recover their biggest booboo when the GM hoodwinked them is something I can’t accept. Yes, this is the only avenue so far, why you ask? Because no one else cares or wants to listen, everyone in cahoots so what choice does one have?

We talk about justice and doing the right thing, we talk about being compassionate and responsible but is it one sided? Yes, rumors have a way of coming to bite you back? Never would I mention names or point fingers but as the Malay saying “Siapa Makan Cili rasa pedas” I don’t want anything more than justice. Be honest, say that ya we had to let you go because of economic reason, or there is no need for your skills or your house problems is effecting you work or even we don’t like your nose BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They had to come up with some kangaroo charge, for something that even idiots can see is flawed, “how do you punish someone for something he did 9 months ago, which after he answered for it, you PROMOTED him?” Is this a new management skill that has just been discovered? Then you go around telling people bad stuff about him, bad stuff that has NO PROOF or merit, BUT when the tables are turned, what then? Enough la, I am not RPK and this is not UMNO vs PKR, I’m just a man, a man that has been victimized, chosen to to be victimzed at the corner of Hari Raya, with kids to feed, they take away the rice bowl, you ask about management? You ask ablut justice, was there a warning letter for this so called offence? Was there any sit down to rectify the so called misconduct? The answer is NO, they just file it away, and when you don’t play ball ..WHAM they whack you with something 9 months old, ask any corporate governance lawyer or labour officer to see if my point is correct (I know I did) better yet, just ask yourself, if you’re staff is doing misconduct then do you promote them and keep them at their post for 9 months? Then one morning you get up and say Opps let get rid of him? Ask yourself that. I leave this to the labour office to resolve the matter as I gave up on the internal solution already, for now, I have to find work, raya in 5 days, bigger problems to settle… for everything.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Pushed then you bite"

As long there is a hello then there is always a goodbye. Ramadan is almost over and Syawal is just around the corner, millions of Muslims around the world would be celebrating and rejoice, for me this ramadan has been the most strenuous if not the hardest that i have had to endure. To many that read this, from my old work place or my home would know the things i talk about while those with sense would surely get what i mean.

It is said that ramadan is the truest time for a muslim to be tested, fasting is a must, to many fasting means not eating or drinking but to those who knows, it is to restrait oneself from tempatations and preserve self control. For me this ramadan, god tested me on all fronts, well 2 fronts to be exact. I was trained to perserve and survive but even my most daunted efforts and attempts, in the end, i had to throw in the towel and call it a day.

Come raya, my 2 soul providers will be away and shall only return to my arms on the 3rd day of raya. This is the begining of a long journey and time and time in the future i would have to explain the reason to them, every time i do, it will break my heart but what has been done cannot be undone and although for months and months i try to deny and avoid the issue, it is too late now and the path has been chosen. there is no turning back.

To top it all off, my office gave me the hardest time by invoking the constructive dismissal, yes i have to admit that during the house wars, my work performance drop and for not my dynamic team that was managing on ground level, it would have been a disaster. Somehow, during the months of April and May, i was promoted to HOD after an intense battle within the department but the crux of my house wars was during June and July which effected my performance. My Boss the head of the company (ED) failed me at this time i guess, insted of standing by my, she unleashed her hounds on me. months after months they tried to dig up stuff to nail me, in fact on one heated conversaion, where i was accused of non performance, i argued with my ED and her hound's backed with facts and figuers (in the history of my company no one ever disputed her) well i am a fighter, if im wrong then im wrong.
Many months i have wondered what happen to my Idol and mentor's mind as she put people not qualifed in vital postions, some merely yes man (women) than productive people. Once i argued why a video production head was given to someone with no video or IT background at all, apart from that her friends and family had video production shops (although rumor mill told me that she and boss had a fling back in the days so she can do no wrong in her eyes) this person in now the number 2 (or 3 ) in the structure of the company, handling all the IT and vital areas which she has no clue to do. It was during this heated that i was told to chosse: demotion or resign. I of course being the idiot that i was, i chose the demotion and 2 months later, they manage to dig enough dirt to hold a kangaroo court to pass a termination judgment on me.

The fact the the whole DI is a frace and was done out of the procedures and regulations did not matter to the HR dept, they produly chogged away and asked me to answer for some misconduct done in Februray , of which i had answered and awas cleared of the charge then (if i wasnt then why the heck was i promoted 1 month later) The sheer "management skills"of the ED is dazzling, she kept hiding in her room, expressing sickness but having regular meetings with staff to dictate movements and even clsoed my department and withold my wage prior to my inquiry , talk about justice. RPK, i now know how you feel. I had brought many things to the company, when the old guard left and leaving the department bear and empty, i had on my own fought to bring it back.
Now, if you ask me about justice, the person who replaced me is a person with no event, marketing or IT background, he joined the company as show manager, of which he failed and moved to operations which he failed as well and then to HR and met with failure again. would any respected manager or director do something like this? or why would they? to me it was personally motivated, i attacked her old fling and taken a swap at her managment skills, i wonder, how this ED of mine, who LOST the company's money of the tune of over RM300,000 in 2008 because her number 2 stole it right under her nose, escaped unpunished and now im the victim as well. The company is losing ground badly, all thier promotions and marketing look like a cheap sale now, no prestige at all, all going cheap cheap and i wonder how she sleeps at night?

To cut a long story short, i of course lodged a complaint with the labour office and after raya ends, we will see what kind of compensation i can get, to me, justice is justice, if you dont like it then come out and say it, dont find false reason to make people with famliy to lose their jobs. you terminate on different grounds but you go and smear my name on different ground. come on la, just because you are ED does not mean your GOD and can do whatever you please and i shall make sure that you know it, i do not want anyone else to be a victim of this maddness. "Berani Kerana Benar..Lawan Tetap Lawan

Thursday, September 3, 2009

In the End..Always a begining

Tomorrow I have been called to answer for some crap that happen months ago, this is what happens when the place you work turns on you. Imagine this:

·         You come from an international company, where you were GM and you decided to take the job because you wanted to retire.

·         You work your arse off and do things they never seen before, impressive? It’s harder than it is because your whole HOD support are idiots and cant find their own holes unless directed.

·         Then the team you work with goes off and your left all alone to bring the dept back to what it was before. With no database no handover…no staff and literally alone, you push and do your best.

·         Now after you set up the whole dept, frm a 1 man show to a 8 man team complete with a web team, video team and support team, they kick you aside and now they find all kinds of crap to nail ur arse.

·         All this because of position and jealousy …

 

Frankly I m just tired…home problems..hidden problems…now work problems..if not for the kids…I thk I go cukooo long time ago but I prevail and stand tall, tmr is gonna be hard but I have been attacked like this before but no so cowardly ..hiding behind HR managers and GM to do their dirty work..well if im going down..im sure to take a few with me. What do I do best? Promote and market..this includes highlighting the good and the bad of company and people…pray for me..God give me strength..