Tik tok tik Tok

good god its 330am already on a 31st. SO hard to sleep at night now days. Eyes sleepy,body tired but somehow sleep escapes me. Tengah dok layan Footloose tadi on astro. I was so young when i watched it the 1st time. After watching it again, well one thing is for sure.Kevin Bacon cant dance..LOL. Within the FCBK space:its tik tok tik tok. everyone wondering why.
2010, i turn 40 babe. 30 years ago, on 31st Dec if u had asked me what will happen in 10 years, there was no way i could predict this. As i am typing this, iddraqi is sleeping beside me, ya he prefers the mattress on the floor and its been a hot night. I am tired of whining and playing the same tune. Just want to say that i wish my brothers were here, you never know what you miss untill its gone. so many things to do so little time. I have always had this gut feeling that i wont live long, little did i know that at the age of 40, i would outlive my brothers and be an only child. HAH! we use to joke so much about this in the old days, Zaki being the number one choice. hahahahah
New years is around the corner, usually pretty hectic coz my moms and toklid birthday and of course not forgetting resolutions, for 2010? hmmmm

• Get Kierra Back
• Get the Famliy back together again
• Closer to God
  
• Focus and Focus
• Makes tons of Money (so can retire early)
• Unite the cousins and guide them
  
• Bring up Genx group and crown the new KIng of the clan..
  

So many things, for years i didnt see, that although i may have lost my brothers but within the cousins are brothers and sisters that i can count on, for that, thanks 2009. i thik since Zaki passed, i have never fully recovered but i am now, i guess it takes a GREAT tragedy to wake me up and now i am awake. Psimaster is back. The Don is in the house, let the journey begin. As i go tik tok tik tok, i hope that when i pass, if i can achieve 15% of the legacy of my father, i will go a happy man. If i can bring my children to be as their uncles and aunties (my cousins) in heart, thinking, loyalty, adat and most importantly the SHAHAB spirit than i would considered job done. You can find wealth, you can find wife (or husband) but you cant find family, family finds you, you cannot choose nor can you reject. Your were so right lid, so many years ago "No Man Is An Island"
Tik Tok Tik Tok...

Goodbye and Hello's

Its the 28th and only a few days left till the the start of a new year. As commented by a very close and dear friend recently,"Psi, you hade a very tough 2 years" in many sense, i cannot agree with him more. Going on in writing this, i guess pages and pages of whining can be produced but as usual, in is within this space that i take a step back and review things..thru my eyes.

Goodbye
A wise person told me today that in order to progress and heal oneself, we must "redha" accept what is given to us and move on. through this troubled times,it is far easy to say "get over it" or "be Strong" For it is the human weakness that in times of hardship or depression that we tend to hang on and constantly remind ourselves of the past, the pain and trying to analyze where it went wrong. This puts us in a dark and cold place.
Thus,instead of saying goodbye to the misery of the year, the failed and wasted 5 years, the pain, the lies and the loss that has happen. I say goodbye to year 2009, of Adik starting to walk and forming words. A year of when Kierra started going to pre-school,A celebration of my brothers wedding and many other happy memories.
I thank 2009 for bringing me closer to the famliy, to the uncles and cousins, to allow them to know me as i am getting to know them. For opening new opportunities and partnerships and for allowing the spark of hope to blossom, which leads a new beginning.
There is no denying the pain,misery and heartache that came with the lies,deceit and loss but we prevail and 2009 has shown me that there others too out there that constantly struggle in this life to make this life the best it can be.They too has been cheated,lied to and constantly put down but they strive as i too learn to strive to be better and rise above it all. We are humans afterall and we learn, look not to the dark clouds and shiver but rather at the thin silver lining and rejoice.

Hello's
The year 2010, brings forth new hope, new relationships and new beginnings. New battles and new wars, though in essence it is the same war but on a new field. It gives me new hope to carry on and burning the torch, to find a true soul to share the fights, to lend my strength to those in need and my wisdom to those who desire it. I pray the al-mighty god that he gives the strength to face the test that he puts up for me. i look forward to the changes in store and the challenges ahead. May it bring a brighter future for my children and I. I will find a way to bring my 2 children together and not deny them what is god given to them.

I finally "redha" for the lost of the 5 years, let the pain,misery and loss be my fuel to press on and make a stand, My daughter, for when you question this part of your life, i pray that this will later help you understand,i am trying and will never stop trying to bring you safety home. I understand now, why God planned it this way, trying to clean the foul from my life and i know in my heart that i have given it all to work it out but there are somethings in life that even the purest of things cannot clean. yes,it hurts and yes it drives to a point of madness but for all this is why we have God to turn to and to ask his favor. Let us pray and prepare ourselves for a brighter 2010, a harder and challenging journey, take my hand and lets us start this journey together.

Ina&Joe-Finally Langkawi Hari YSB 09 Amy&Watif
**So Many good memories...no space already**
Izzati Athira Darulaman Sunway

What a week...

Arlo to all,

Man its been a hectic week but just to remind myself that life goes on and soon xmas will be here yet again. Last year this time,was the start of the braking of pieces and this time around?i also donno la. just to update everyone, i went to see Avatar today. MAN!!! it rocks...4 thumbs up (including my toe's heheheh)
as i was early, manage to catch some good previews...man the year 2010 looks like tis gonna rock. The year will be a start of sorts i guess, finally the dream is coming to light, i hope that i have the strength and courage to make it happen...well till later...adios...

Fathers Day..

I know that father's day has long past but i just came back from my cousin's wedding, so i thought i share it with you all.
In a lot of sense, when we say cousins in my family, it means more than that. Ya normal family has cousins and such forth but the closeness that has been forged between us is far more than normal families. Our cousins are more brother and sisters in many ways, raised as best friends from children, with all the normal teenage mishaps and pranks within the family, therefore its no wonder that weddings and other functions , we would converge. Anyway before I get carried away, this piece is about fathers.
This particular wedding of my cousin, 90% of the family clan came and it dawned on me of the preparation that the parents had to go through to ensure the success of the event. This is of course not to mention, the uncles that came from far and near, arranging their children and what not to ensure a smooth flow of things. The funny part was that the wedding proper was held in a hall, which many of us had never been to, we had to convoy our way down and it was then I realized how closely we were all connected.  
What caught me on this day was, many people stopped and ask me if I was Syed Nong's son, when I answered yes, they would tell me that I look like him. This I guess would be the biggest compliment I could get. After all these years, its times like this gatherings that his presence and my brothers would be felt. Looking at the messed up life unfolding before me, I would really cut off my arm to have him, I know for a fact that he manage to touch everyone's life and in his own way made everyone feel special. Being a father is never easy, people always say senang aja. Cari duit and make sure all taken off but it is never that simple, a father is the protector of the family, no matter what you can find a replacement for your father, same as mother also, its sad that children with nature mothers and fathers have to depend on step or surrogate father or mother due to unintelligent decisions made by those that were suppose to look out for them. Anyhow, as the day moved on, I met more of my father's friends and family and more stories of this wonderful man that regretfully my children will never meet but I can tell them stories and pass on to them the values that was passed down to me. The importance of FAMILY, Education and Loyalty. In this day and age, many cases we read of youth as young as PMR being caught wet "tangkap Basah"or youth leaving school in form 3 or throwing of babies or passing their babies to relatives to raise. It is sad and thankfully due to the closeness of our family, we always work things out, no issues of going to beat up on family members with baseball bats as we read in the newspaper. As I recall this, a gentle tugging on my sampin and it was my son, looking up on me. I have a big duty in front me, a great responsibility on my shoulders and of course not forgetting my daughter, who is very far away from me .. something I am trying to resolve .
For those reading, take a moment and go to your dad and mom. HUG THEM! TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. There is NO replacement for them and cherish them as they is no tomorrow. Till next time. Happy Hunting..and peace. 

Family Ties..

Actually i wanted to write this quite some time ago but i have been busy, ya ya people like me also got work to do.
For those who dont actually know, i come from quite a big family, my dad was the eldest of 11 brothers, therefore you can just imagine the size of my family. Years ago, while my dad was still around, he would always tell me, "no man is an island"and towards his last years, he would instill in me to always stay close to the family. Me being the noob kid was always defiant and stubborn. then one day he was gone.

From that moment on, i realiased that i was totaly alone, mom was shocked and my brothers was far too young to understand, the family being the protective kind, came in to support and look out for us, my grandad was very concern of our well being and we were constantly looked after by him. i couldnt take the toll of pain, joined the airlines and was packed off to Sabah. For 3 years i was in the airlines, till one day i up and quit. Just like that. over the years, my brothers had grown and Zaki came to join me in KL, laters years Izzany came to join us as well. Thus there was the famous 3 stooges living in KL. To list out what happen to us or what we did, would take a long time and lets save it for another day. safe to say, we defied the family on many turns but all the while turning back to them when there was no where else to turn. The famliy never turned their backs on us, even when we did (or so we thought) but the point is what my father said came ringing in my head for the 1st time. Famliy! Family!

My life turned or as i like to put it, changed chapters on my wedding day. That was the second journey. Unfortunely we lost Zaki right after my wedding. I was lost. Zaki, who is my closest brother and ally for all my life is gone. till today i cant get over it, when my first child was born, i named her Zakierra, in honor of the uncle that she never met. During my marriage years, i tried and did my best to be the best husband, then life changed my chapters again. Zakierra was born.

The moment i laid eyes on this tiny miracle, i knew life was never gonna be the same again. I quit partying, drinking and devoted my time to provide her with the best things i could afford to give. Nong Iddraqi folowed and i had my perfect pair. After years of being in KL rat race, i decided to call it a day and return home to Kedah to raise the famliy. My plan was building a stable life for the famliy.The fact that i lost Izzany and never forgave myself for not being there for him during his last days, haunt me daily. I came back, found a stable job and for the first time in my life, everything was going according to plan, things were looking good, that is till life changed chapters on me again.

Not going into details, lets just put it that my partner decided to close the company and took off with one of the assets at the same time. Losing focus and going out of mind, i came back home. Broken, defeated and exhausted. all this while the biggest battle for my children was coming. I had no where to go or turn too. daily i looked at my son and swore to get her sister back. then the family came to my aid. with god's blessing and guidance, things start to open up and even as i write this, my heart is crushed because 5 years just went down the drain and im back at square one, no exactly how i planned to celebrate my 40th birthday but you can only plan, only god can grant, it bring tears to my eyes as the famliy rallied behind me, each in their own way, provided me support and options but something that i am not sure they know, they gave me HOPE. as all things with HOPE, i get a second wind, as i am focusing on my son and bringing back my daughter, they have given me  a second lease on life. i learn not to question what god has put in my path but rather to be thankful of what he has given me, good and bad, because you wont know the value of good without the bad. no amount of preaching or nagging cant replace 1st hand experience, now after they have rallied behind me, i too shall rally behind the family, not to look at what in its for me but rather doing things for the sake of the family, without ulterio motives or agenda, yes! folks, invest in the family as they invest in you, you can never go wrong. i write this to those that feel family is a nueasence or that you can live without them, THINK AGAIN! please remember you are nothing without your family. remember and crave it in your heart.

That my dear friends is what famliy is all about, not only there when you need them but always there, it took me a long time to realized it but better late than never, now even tempted by other big offers, i pledge to stay here, make my contributions to the family and let my children understand the important lesson that their grandfather wanted to teach me, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. Dont wait, look at your family, brothers, sisters, uncle, auties, granddad, mother and father. Cherish them, value them and invest in your family, afterall FAMILY ALWAYS TAKES CARE OF ITS OWN.

till next time, happy hunting and remember, dont look at darkness of storm but rather look for the silver lining in the clouds.

Sherezal

Denial...Is there a cure?

The world premier 2012 is well coming soon, According to the Mayan Calender, the world ends on 12th December 2012, If this happens to be true then WHAT THE HECK! I am Still alive!!.i was hoping that i would be long gone by then..heheheh anyhow, its been a while since we muse and ponder...lets poke at the title shall we...

First lets digest what the word means, according to wikipedia:

Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. ^[1] The subject may use:

• simple denial - deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether
• minimisation - admit the fact but deny its seriousness, or
• projection - admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility

There are of course many forms of denial..and it has become such a silent sickness that many refuse to admit or face the fact they may have it. What type of denial's are there?
From wikipedia:

Types of Denial

Denial of fact: In this form of denial, someone avoids a fact by lying. This lying can take the form of an outright falsehood (commission), leaving out certain details to tailor a story (omission), or by falsely agreeing to something (assent, also referred to as "yessing" behavior). Someone who is in denial of fact is typically using lies to avoid facts they think may be painful to themselves or others.

Denial of responsibility: This form of denial involves avoiding personal responsibility by blaming, minimizing or justifying. Blaming is a direct statement shifting culpability and may overlap with denial of fact. Minimizing is an attempt to make the effects or results of an action appear to be less harmful than they may actually be. Justifying is when someone takes a choice and attempts to make that choice look okay due to their perception of what is "right" in a situation. Someone using denial of responsibility is usually attempting to avoid potential harm or pain by shifting attention away from themselves.

Denial of impact: Denial of impact involves a person's avoiding thinking about or understanding the harms his or her behavior has caused to self or others. Doing this enables that person to avoid feeling a sense of guilt and it can prevent him or her from developing remorse or empathy for others. Denial of impact reduces or eliminates a sense of pain or harm from poor decisions.

Denial of awareness: This type of denial is best discussed by looking at the concept of state dependent learning^[3]. People using this type of denial will avoid pain and harm by stating they were in a different state of awareness (such as alcohol or drug intoxication or on occasion mental health related). This type of denial often overlaps with denial of responsibility.

Denial of cycle: Many who use this type of denial will say things such as, "it just happened." Denial of cycle is where a person avoids looking at their decisions leading up to an event or does not consider their pattern of decision making and how harmful behavior is repeated. The pain and harm being avoided by this type of denial is more of the effort needed to change the focus from a singular event to looking at preceding events. It can also serve as a way to blame or justify behavior (see above).

Denial of denial: This can be a difficult concept for many people to identify with in themselves, but is a major barrier to changing hurtful behaviors. Denial of denial involves thoughts, actions and behaviors which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behavior. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion.

Case Study:

Subject X and Y share 2 treasures, after being separated, X & Y decides that the treasures would be  shared between them. On the day that X had to take the treasures, one of them fell ill. X gave her consent to just take one treasure while the other recuperates, then later when it was time X to take the treasures again, X could not follow Y's schedule because Y had an important pre-planned evening, therefore X could only take one treasure as she claims that to take the other one also because it was too hard to drive therefore again she gave her consent, BUT on the day X was suppose to return the treasures, she decided to RUN and send an note to say that she is going to run and hide and Y cannot see his treasure unless he agrees to give X the treasure. When reminded about the other treasure, only did X wanted it as well. Y of course got angry and accused X of breaking the agreement and taking the treasure as hostage and kidnap. Even till the end, X insist that Y cannot have the treasure unless he gives in to his demand. As the days drag by, X wanted to come to collect some stuff and informed Y, Y said dont you want to see the other treasure? X said yes of course, but it must be to her sechedule. Y refuse because the treasure is fragile and plans were already made for the day and gave a timeline from 430pm till 8pm BUT X said cannot, she insists on her timeline, in the end the treasure missed out because X could not sacrifice her time for the treasure. In all this drama, X maintains that she is not wrong and although it was her that ended everything and made it worse by running and holding the other treasure hostage, till now her blog shouts her innocence and though Y has made and gave many roads to patch things up, X still is stubborn to hold all to ransom and must follow her way although there are many eveidence of her demands, threats and indecisiveness, X plays an old trump card although X conveninently hides and ignores her own short coming and errors, therefore my readers, can you please point out to which type of DENIAL is X suffering from?

A typical attitude of someone suffering from this (from wikipedia):

DARVO: An acronym to describe common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd^[4]. writes:

"...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes intimidation, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on..... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the whistle-blower is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is depicted as the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense.

Therefore, please always remember, when you point at someone there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. the road to recovery is to admit our short comings and errors, only then we can work towards curing ourselves. if your partner or friend still has this kind od denial, it would be very hard to talk or reason to them because they seriously believe in thier own made up story and  excuses, therefore no matter how hard you try, it would be hard to break through. the only way is to gain professional help or let the matter come to head, as then the professional people can make the decision for the sick person. be strong and stand by them BUT never give in or allow or worse believe the story because then you also will get lost and lose your sense of right and wrong..trust me i have been there.

till then...happy hunting folks.

Its late but as the past couple of weeks,sleep escape me.i miss my daughter&i fear that they are pushing her further away.do they not of the oath i made 2 her that i will always be by her side.her savior.have they forgetten of how attached i am 2 her?i recall gentin trip when they just enrossed with themselves&just left us both 2gether.now they keep us apart,on pretext of parental right but how easy 4 them 2 forget that im her father.so easy 4 them 2 manipulate her&use her as hostage in securing thier selfish motive but masking it as parental love while they neglect&abandon her 2 year old brother?what kind of ppl r these?do they not fear god?kierra my princess,walid is sorry 4 this&of the things 2 come.walid never meant 4 these 2 happen.if walid knew then walid would never allow&let u b kidnapp.walid swear that walid wil not rest until ur returned home&reunited with ur brother.walid love&miss u so so much.sleep well my princess&walid shall guard&pray 4 u always.love ur father.

thinking&missing

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Happy Birthday..

Today (well yesterday..tat is 10/10) was my son's birthday. Since his mom and sister could not make it, i decide to take him out to town to all the rides and play ground. He was happy as a clam, though a bit of stomach upset, he jumped and played till evening. in fact just put him to bed. He turned 2 today. i wonder how will it be when he turns 20, with the current issues at hand,its hard for me to see what the future will bring. Watching other families, i wish things could have turned out better.

now i am left pondering, how to decide for the best for their future. He& his sister, cant be selfish on the matter, have to think of them,i dont want them growing up on the road or deprived of certain things, as i was growing up, my dad was away most time and when they were born, i swore an oath that i will never let them feel abandon or neglected (not that i felt that way when i was young, my mom was around 100% and my dad was special that he made us know he was there even if he was far away). For all this reasons that i decline taking up a job offer to manage an international exhibition or an international event company rather i am contented to stay where i am make the best of what i have here, surely no plans to be a millionaire anymore but rather saving up for their future. i hope and pray everynight that god intervenes and makes things right because i really don't want to put them through a trial and error process, rather at thier tender age, it would be best they grow up in a safe, stable enviroment, constantly attended to and frequent at family functions, this i releasied that even by staying a mere 30 minutes from my home town, i failed to bring them closer, now that i have moved back to my home town, i hope to give them the stable and comfortable life that they deserve. Pray with me...

Demo team

The demo team

The souls of my life...

Things that makes life worth living....

The Most Beautiful Flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
Beneath the long,straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see

The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy, Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

Little Girl

There is a beautiful
crystal castle
it sits on a hill
and watches the land
The soul owner is
a beautiful little girl
She plays in the garden
has everything she needs
and lives in happiness
One morning she looked
into the mirror
and saw a stranger
It was a woman
and she realised it was
herself, all grown up
In the background
scenes of her future life
flitted before her
She looked deep into the woman's eyes
and what she saw made her want to cry
She had never seen or felt
such pain
The woman stared at her
and could not understand
why such a happy little girl
would have reason to cry
The little girl said
"I am you and you are me
I need you to love me
and I will love you
Take me away from this place
and I will make your heart my home
there is much love there but you
must unlock the door
and we can face the world
together"

Cup or Coffee

Are you looking for a Cup or a Coffee?

A group of Computer Engineers, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones.

"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups."

"Now if life is coffee , then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it. "

So the moral of this story is........don't let the cups drive you, enjoy the coffee instead.

Why Cant i sleep...

Its 1230am and adik's crying again, as i try to put him to bed, my mind drifts, to a time and place that was magical at one time,
how come i cant let it go, even through all the things that has been done to me and loved ones, the shortcomings and pain, i still cant let it go?
Would it take another to make me let it go? another breath life in this cold and lonely soul? so that it may once again rejoice and stop dreaming of something that will never come again? i wonder? and i ponder... why does the taste, sight and beauty of the love still haunts me, even after almost 7 years still the excitement and expectation spurs me, was it because of the closeness we once shared? those nights when we held each other when the chips are down and figuring out tomorrow? was it the love and tenderness in those eyes that sparked my will to fight and preserver the hardest of life hardship? was it the moans, crys and extacy that keep me loyal and true of heart?

Where has it gone? what has happen? going through Syawal without it, makes me feel the loneliness more, has someone better come along? someone that understands, satisfy and excite more than me? Maybe that is why i have to let go, and suffer, have this 2 precious jewels of life to spur me on, now although i may lose them as well,
God, i have been praying hard,since my sinnful acts, repent and ask for forgivness, why wont angels help me? bring back the one i so love and adore, the one that shared my ups and downs, banish the wicked and demonic one and replace with the one my soul is attached to..why god? is it that i am meant to let it go? to keep the magic of 7 years as memory? or is it someone will come to fill my soul in the future? How come i do not have the love and attention as others? what is it that they have that i dont, for one thing for sure, no one knows better than me, it was I who brought light to the darkest of our days, defended and fought for all. Was it all for naught? was it all wasted? for the jewels of my soul that fills my heart, it is not, only the return of my soulmate would ease this ache, oh why do i desire her so? to prove that i am above all the rest in her desire? to taste her satisfaction as no one else can give but me? why oh why? help me find my way..please dear god.

i know that i have to let it go, let her go as others who are better in her eyes are awaiting then why do i seek her attention so? her wants so badly? her love madly? if letting go is what i must do, then TRULY with all my love i would give in to her request of letting her go....

Glimpse of a happy memory: http://sherezal.blogspot.com/2009/05/tin-life.html

Reading material

Mesra.net Forum > Social & Societies > Hal Ehwal Islam

Ida_KL

Mar 15 2006, 01:38 PM

Jenazah Salmiah (bukan nama sebenar) dibawa ke dalam bilik untuk
dimandikan . Ahli keluarga arwah dan bilal jenazah wanita masuk mengiring. Saya berehat di ruang tamu, membaca ayat-ayat suci al-Quran. Bunyi jirusan air mencurah, kemudian jatuh ke dalam bekas mandian kedengaran jelas.
Habis sekali Yasin, saya bersandar ke dinding ruang tamu banglo cantik itu untuk melegakan urat belakang yang tegang. Saya picit-picit tengkuk, belakang lutut dan pergelangan kaki yang terasa sengal dan kebas. Ahhh,... baru lega.

Saya pandang sekeliling, jiran-jiran yang duduk di sisi serta yang yang baru sampai. Tapi secara puratanya, kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kematian di tempat lain, saya dapati tidak ramai yang datang melawat ke sini. Mungkin kerana arwah dan suaminya, Pahamin, tidak bercampur sangat dengan masyarakat.

Arwah lebih banyak menghabiskan masa di dalam rumah, tidak gemar menghadiri majlis-majlis dan kenduri kendara di tempat kediamannya manakala si suami jarang pulang ke rumah. Maklumlah, arwah adalah isteri mudanya. Saya memerhati sekeliling, mencari kalau-kalau ada kenalan yang datang. Diketika meninjau-ninjau itulah saya ternampak suami allahyarham, Pahamin sedang duduk di tepi tingkap sambil meriba anak bongsunya. Umur budak perempuan itu baru dua tahun. Abang dan kakaknya pula duduk dengan datuk mereka, bapa arwah Salmiah di dalam bilik.

Sudah lama saya kenal Pahamin, yang saya panggil Bang Min. Pahamin pernah meminta pertolongan saya untuk 'memulihkan' anak gadisnya yang di dakwa terkena buatan orang.

Menurut Pahamin, anak gadisnya dengan isteri tua beliau itu bekerja sebagai peramugari. Rupa parasnya menawan, potongan badan pun anggun. Masalah bermula apabila gadis berusia 20 tahun itu menghina seorang lelaki Indonesia yang mengusiknya ketika pulang dari bekerja. Kata gadis itu, dia lebih rela berkahwin dengan kambing daripada dengan lelaki Indonesia tersebut yang Cuma bekerja sebagai buruh binaan.

Namun seminggu kemudian, dia mula teringatkan lelaki itu. Rindu dendamnya makin menjadi-jadi menjelang senja. Kalau sehari tidak melihat lelaki berkenaan, anak gadis Pahamin akan meracau, menyebut-nyebut namanya. Alhamdulillah beberapa minggu selepas di rawat, gadis tersebut berjaya melupakan lelaki berkenaan. Nyata sekali, dia telah didengki dengan sihir.

Dari situlah saya mula kenal lebih rapat dengannya. Bila sudah kenal, Pahamin menceritakan pula latar belakang keluarganya, tentang isteri tua dan isteri muda. Saya pernah ke banglo itu, tapi tidak berbual sangat dengan arwah kerana saya lihat dia agak pendiam.

Saya tutup surah Yasin dan berjalan ke arah Pahamin yang sedang membelai rambut anaknya itu.

" Assalamualikum, Bang Min."

" Waalaikumsalam. Oooo... ustaz, bila datang ?" dia bertanya.

" Dah 10 minit. Saya duduk di sana, dekat tepi almari."

" Maaflah, tak perasan," balas Pahamin.

" Bila arwah meninggal, Bang Min ? "

" Semalam, Maghrib. Di hospital," kata Pahamin.

Menurut Pahamin, dia sendiri tidak menyangka Salmiah akan meninggal kerana menurut doktor, Cuma demam panas sahaja. Namun demamnya tidak pulih walaupun seminggu ditahan di wad, Salmiah meninggal dunia.

" Kami bawa mayatnya malam tadi. Sampai sini pukul 9.00 malam," kata Pahamin.

" Tapi... umur dia belum masuk 40 lagi kan, Bang Min ?"

" Belum, baru 37. Kira muda lagi. Saya kahwin dengan dia 12 tahun lepas, masa tu umur dia 25 tahun. Entahlah ustaz, patutnya saya yang pergi dulu... dah dekat 65 ni. Sakit jantung lagi... " kata Pahamin. Suaranya bergetar kerana terlalu sedih.

" Sabarlah... redhakan dia pergi, Bang Min,"

Di sebabkan ada seorang saudara Pahamin datang, saya meminta diri. Saya kembali duduk di tepi almari dan membaca zikir serta ayat-ayat suci. Seorang demi seorang jiran datang. Sedang khusyuk membaca, tiba-tiba terdengar nama saya di panggil.

" Hah... , awak. Kenapa Wan ?" saya bertanya kepada bilal jenazah wanita. Wan yang tiba-tiba muncul dan bertinggung di depan saya.

" Ustaz... " bisiknya, " ada hal sikitlah " sambungnya sambil memberi isyarat mengajak saya ke tempat lain.

" Kenapa ? Di sini kan boleh," tanya saya. Surah Yasin saya tutup dan
masukkan ke dalam poket.

Wan menggeleng. Dia memandang sekeliling saya, memberi isyarat bahawa 'di sini ramai orang' Dari raut wajah dan kerutan dahinya, saya pasti ada sesuatu yang tidak kena semasa dia menguruskan jenazah.

" Ustaz... kita ke sana, ya," bisik Wan.

Dia perlahan-lahan berjalan menuju ke sudut rumah yang agak jauh sedikit daripada orang ramai yang menziarah. Saya bangun dan mengekorinya. " Kenapa ni ? Berkerut aja muka awak," kata saya.

Anak murid saya tu menggaru kepala. Dia menoleh ke kiri dan kanan. Ada perkara yang hendak di luahkannya, tapi masih tak mampu diluahkannya. " Cakaplah... ada masalah apa ?" saya bertanya.

" Macam ni ustaz," kata Wan. " Alaaa..ni ... apa tu... " dia tergagap-gagap.

" Tak apa... beritau saya, mungkin saya boleh Bantu," kata saya.

Dengan suara berbisik Wan berkata; "Ustaz bahagian sulit arwah bengkak, keluar nanah tak henti-henti."

Nanah ? Saya terkejut. Tadi, Pahamin tidak pula memberitahu saya apa-apa akan keadaan arwah. Malah penyakit arwah tiada kaitan dengan alat kelaminnya.

" Bengkak macam mana ? Nanah macam mana ? " tanya saya.

Menurut Wan, sewaktu meratakan air ke tubuh jenazah, dia menggosok bahagian alat sulit arwah, tiba-tiba dia merasa ada sesuatu yang pelik. Kemaluan jenazah bengkak seperti belon. Ia merening merah seperti jambu air yang sedang ranum. Seolah-olahnya bahagian itu baru di sengat binatang berbisa, hanya menunggu masa untuk pecah dan menyemburkan isinya.

Lebih mengejutkan Wan, bila gosok ke celahan bahagian alat sulit itu, mengalir pula nanah yang amat busuk baunya. Ia berwarna kuning-kehijauan, seperti nanah atau darah yang bercampur-aduk dengan kotoran pekat. Likat, meleleh dari farajnya.

" Baunya... ya Allah, busuk. Saya mencucinya dengan air dan kapas, tapi kemudian mengalir semula. Ia tak berhenti-henti meleleh walaupun puas di cuci," tambah Wan.

Anak murid saya itu memberitahu, kawan-kawan yang menggantikannya untuk membersihkan bahagian sulit arwah juga merasa pelik melihat bengkak yang lebam merening serta nanah pekat yang terus-terusan mengalir. Hendak di
bincangkan di situ, bimbang nanti tersinggung pula ahli keluarga arwah yang turut ada di dalam bilik.

" Sebab tulah saya datang jumpa ustaz ni. Saya teringat ustaz ada di luar, mungkin boleh tolong sikit, beritau kami apa nak buat. Saya tak maulah benda ni jadi heboh. Aib jenazah, ustaz," kata Wan.

Mendengar cerita itu, saya menasihatkan Wan supaya terus memandikan jenazah tersebut. Apabila di rasakan sudah cukup bersih, cepat-cepatlah di lap, kemudian letakkan kapas bahagian tersebut. Lekapkan agak tebal sedikit supaya nanah tidak menembusinya.

Kata saya, buat sepantas yang boleh supaya bau tersebut tidak tersebar, kelak akan memalukan jenazah. Kepada orang yang memandikannya, bukan rahsia, tapi kepada keluarga dan jiran-jiran, tentulah mereka nanti tertanya-tanya. Dari situ, timbul pula fitnah dan cakap-cakap yang tidak elok.

" Terima kasih ustaz," kata Wan." Saya pergi dulu "

Dia bergegas masuk semula ke dalam bilik. Tidak lama kemudian, bunyi jirusan berhenti. Lebih setengah jam kemudian, Wan memberitahu saya, jenazah sudah pun di kapankan. Seperti lazimnya, ahli keluarga arwah
merapati mayat untuk mencium dan membacakan ayat-ayat suci untuknya. Mayat di kebumikan tidak lama kemudian.

Selesai urusan, saya mendekati Wan, dan bertanya lebih lanjut kepadanya. Maklumlah, dia baru beberapa tahun terlibat dengan pengurusan jenazah dan tidak ada pengalaman menyempurnakan mayat yang sebegitu sifatnya.
Nyata, Wan masih terkejut dengan apa yang di alaminya tadi.

" Ustaz," kata murid saya itu, " bukan aja kemaluan arwah bengkak merening, bernanah, tapi buah dada dia pun jadi..jadi... macam mana saya nak cakap ya... " katanya tanpa menghabiskan kata-kata.

" Jadi macam mana pulak, Wan ?" saya bertanya.

" Hmmm... jadi kecut. Macam mana ustaz tengok buah pinang kering, kecut, berkedut, macam tu lah buah dada jenazah. Macam peria kecut. Saya bukan nak aibkan jenazah, tapi nak beritau ustaz aja. Saya tak pernah tengok
benda-benda macam ni, jadi saya beritau supaya ustaz yang dah berpuluh tahun urus jenazah dapat membantu," katanya.

Saya termenung. Aneh benar keadaan si mati. Bukannya hendak mengada-adakan sesuatu yang buruk, bukan... .tapi terfikir saya, kenapa hanya di bahagian-bahagian sulitnya saja yang jadi jelik. Badannya macam biasa saja, tapi pelik sungguh... yang bawah merening, yang atas mengecut ?

Kalau dia sakit teruk, tak makan tak minum hingga badan tinggal tulang, mungkin juga. Itulah logiknya hingga buah dada arwah mengecut. Tapi arwah tidak macam tu. Dia cuma terlantar seminggu di hospital. Makan minumnya terjaga.

" Tak apalah, Wan. Serahkan lah sahaja pada Allah. Kita ni tak boleh nak syak wasangka tanpa bukti. Mungkin dia ada penyakit di bahagian itu, mana kita tau.

" Anggaplah ini pengalaman yang baik, yang akan mengajar awak bagaimana untuk menguruskan jenazah-jenazah lain pada masa-masa akan datang." Tambah saya lalu meminta diri.

Hendak di jadikan cerita, dua minggu kemudian Pahamin datang ke rumah saya. Dia mengadu tidak dapat tidur lena kerana selalu di ganggu bayangan arwah.

" Kadang-kadang nampak kelibat dia dalam bilik tidur. Ada kalanya berbau wangi, macam perfume yang dia selalu guna. Anak-anak pula beritahu, pernah mereka terdengar bunyi tapak kaki berjalan dalam bilik arwah. Tapi bila buka, tak ada," katanya.

Lama juga kami berbual, hinggalah masuk kepada bab keluarga. Tanpa sedar , dan tanpa di minta Pahamin membuka rahsia hubungan beliau dengan arwah. Langsung, tersingkaplah rahsia mengapa bahagian-bahagian sulit arwah menjadi demikian jelik.

" Ustaz," kata Pahamin, " saya rasa, mungkin ia berlaku sebab arwah nusyuk dan melanggar sumpah."

" Sumpah ? Saya tak faham, Bang Min."

" Ya, sumpah. Saya akui, saya ni bukan baik sangat. Arwah pula bila jiran-jiran beritahu saya ada perempuan lain, dia mula naik angin. Dia kata, tak cukup dua, nak menggatal lagi. Tua tak sedar diri, katanya.

" Hubungan kami jadi renggang. Kami selalu berselisih faham.Saya makin jarang balik ke rumah arwah. Kalau balik pun, tak ada lain... . Bertengkar, bertengkar, bertengkar.

" Dalam masa yang sama , saya di maklumkan oleh kawan-kawan, arwah ada buat hbungan sulit dengan lelaki lain. Saya tanya dia, betul ke?. Dia tak mengaku. Macam-macam dia berdalih. Tapi saya tak percaya. Bagi saya,
kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang. Hubungan kami makin hari makin teruk.

" Kemuncaknya kami bertengkar hebat. Saya kata, Salmiah, cakap terus terang, awak ada buat hubungan dengan lelaki lain tak ? Awak ada buat benda tak senonoh tak ?. Dia tak mengaku. Saya kata, saya tak percaya. Lama kami bertengkar. Akhirnya dia kata, kalau suami boleh buat, boleh cari perempuan lain, kenapa isteri tidak?. Kata arwah dia masih muda, masih bergetah, bukannya susah sangat nak cari pasangan.

" Bila saya kata, ' awak mesti dah buat benda terkutuk dengan lelaki lain' arwah marah. Dia marah betul. Dia kata,' saya bersumpah , kalau saya buat dengan orang lain, alat sulit saya ni akan di binasakan Tuhan.'

" Lebih kurang tiga bulan lepas bersumpah, arwah sakit. Badan panas, tak boleh bangun, sampailah meninggal. Yang saya pelik, dan menyebabkan saya kata mayat dia jadi macam tu sebab derhaka dan melanggar sumpah ialah alat sulitnya merening manakala buah dada mengecut sebaik sampai ke rumah.

" Kami perasan benda tu masa nak salin pakaiannya. Mula-mula nampak buah dadanya mengecut. Kemudian nampak pula bahagian alat sulitnya mengelembung, merening macam belon. Makin lama, makin besar dan keluar nanah," kata Pahamin.

Saya termangu mendengarnya. " Mungkin dia ada sakit di bahagian itu tak, Bang Min ?"

" Tak ... tak ada. Yang itu saya tau benar. Lagi pun saya tengok dia di hospital, buah dada dan alat kelaminnya normal," tegas Pahamin.

Saya termenung. Ini sudah kes berat. Dalam hati saya berkata, mungkin ini lah balasan Tuhan pada isteri yang menderhaka, curang, nusyuk kepada suami

Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal

Farewell ramadan,

I say goodbye to Ramadan, many things happen within that magical month, some good some bad.

 I close the chapter on Cinta saying Resort and moved on, I enjoyed my time working there, in the end with idiots running the show and all the able people left (steven,GG,Mark and many others) the whole place was collapsing, With a head that didn’t know the difference between up and down,it was better for me to leave, though they made it easier for me with a botched up DI, least im gonna get some compassion pay muahahah.

I close the chapter on fighting for a lost cause, months of months of effort to no vail, nothing changes, all it amount up to was me paying the bills and doing my part while the other party just took advantage of the whole thing. I close this chapter, once and for all. Though it pains me like mad but there is no point going on. After 7 years, I had hope and prayed that it could be saved but after my latest discovery in my OWN house,Enough is enough

I close the chapter of my life being a victim, a victim and a softy, I am tired of being pushed around, scared of losing my life soul but in the end, I submit to the will of God, I have to return to who I was before, the strength and pillar of before.

 

Welcome Syawal,

I welcome the change as I once again embark on the road of self employment and hard work. No more waiting or easy street, going back to the old school style. Use these talents that God has bestowed on me and making the best of life.

I welcome the new challenge of raising my children and teaching them the values of life, values that has been the back bone of the Shahab family, the togetherness and responsibility.

I Welcome the renewed search for the best partner for me, one that will support me, one that can soothe my aches and one that I can share this soul with. Let God show me his greatness and provide me with his blessing, for he alone knows the pains I have gone through and it is my hope and prayers that he will be kinder to me and give me the courage to fasce the test he  will give me.

 

As I went to say my prayers to my father and brothers, I realize that in this hectic world, where most are so concern about baju raya or who makes more money or who has bigger car, I take heed from my uncle that these are not important, as long as when ever there is emergency or when my kids need money for school and what not, it is there then it is enough. As recite prayers and Al-Fatiha for those I love, I pray and vow that my children will be brought up with the old values that makes us Malay and Islam, for when I die, it will to them I hope to grace my grave and the others to ensure that its clean and to them I hope they will recite the prayers and Al-Fatiha so that my passage to heaven is easier, for what else can a man want for the best legacy that one can leave behind are children that are close to God and have Iman in their hearts, Dad, I hope that you are proud of me as I try to be the anak soleh as told by God.

 

For these revelations, I say let the change come, Farewell Ramadan, Welcome Syawal.

 

Amin

No room to turn?

A blog is as they say a blog and as such its one personal opinion of matters and things, after months and months of trying to get things corrected and you try to go all the proper channels with no vail then what else can you do? If you are victimized and you are left out without an income for some trumped up charges.

How do you feel when already you have trouble at home, yet people take advantage of you and seems there is no stopping them, how many more victims will be sacrificed? The fact that they took great efforts to tarnish and smear my name after I had help to recover their biggest booboo when the GM hoodwinked them is something I can’t accept. Yes, this is the only avenue so far, why you ask? Because no one else cares or wants to listen, everyone in cahoots so what choice does one have?

We talk about justice and doing the right thing, we talk about being compassionate and responsible but is it one sided? Yes, rumors have a way of coming to bite you back? Never would I mention names or point fingers but as the Malay saying “Siapa Makan Cili rasa pedas” I don’t want anything more than justice. Be honest, say that ya we had to let you go because of economic reason, or there is no need for your skills or your house problems is effecting you work or even we don’t like your nose BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They had to come up with some kangaroo charge, for something that even idiots can see is flawed, “how do you punish someone for something he did 9 months ago, which after he answered for it, you PROMOTED him?” Is this a new management skill that has just been discovered? Then you go around telling people bad stuff about him, bad stuff that has NO PROOF or merit, BUT when the tables are turned, what then? Enough la, I am not RPK and this is not UMNO vs PKR, I’m just a man, a man that has been victimized, chosen to to be victimzed at the corner of Hari Raya, with kids to feed, they take away the rice bowl, you ask about management? You ask ablut justice, was there a warning letter for this so called offence? Was there any sit down to rectify the so called misconduct? The answer is NO, they just file it away, and when you don’t play ball ..WHAM they whack you with something 9 months old, ask any corporate governance lawyer or labour officer to see if my point is correct (I know I did) better yet, just ask yourself, if you’re staff is doing misconduct then do you promote them and keep them at their post for 9 months? Then one morning you get up and say Opps let get rid of him? Ask yourself that. I leave this to the labour office to resolve the matter as I gave up on the internal solution already, for now, I have to find work, raya in 5 days, bigger problems to settle… for everything.

"Pushed then you bite"

As long there is a hello then there is always a goodbye. Ramadan is almost over and Syawal is just around the corner, millions of Muslims around the world would be celebrating and rejoice, for me this ramadan has been the most strenuous if not the hardest that i have had to endure. To many that read this, from my old work place or my home would know the things i talk about while those with sense would surely get what i mean.

It is said that ramadan is the truest time for a muslim to be tested, fasting is a must, to many fasting means not eating or drinking but to those who knows, it is to restrait oneself from tempatations and preserve self control. For me this ramadan, god tested me on all fronts, well 2 fronts to be exact. I was trained to perserve and survive but even my most daunted efforts and attempts, in the end, i had to throw in the towel and call it a day.

Come raya, my 2 soul providers will be away and shall only return to my arms on the 3rd day of raya. This is the begining of a long journey and time and time in the future i would have to explain the reason to them, every time i do, it will break my heart but what has been done cannot be undone and although for months and months i try to deny and avoid the issue, it is too late now and the path has been chosen. there is no turning back.

To top it all off, my office gave me the hardest time by invoking the constructive dismissal, yes i have to admit that during the house wars, my work performance drop and for not my dynamic team that was managing on ground level, it would have been a disaster. Somehow, during the months of April and May, i was promoted to HOD after an intense battle within the department but the crux of my house wars was during June and July which effected my performance. My Boss the head of the company (ED) failed me at this time i guess, insted of standing by my, she unleashed her hounds on me. months after months they tried to dig up stuff to nail me, in fact on one heated conversaion, where i was accused of non performance, i argued with my ED and her hound's backed with facts and figuers (in the history of my company no one ever disputed her) well i am a fighter, if im wrong then im wrong.
Many months i have wondered what happen to my Idol and mentor's mind as she put people not qualifed in vital postions, some merely yes man (women) than productive people. Once i argued why a video production head was given to someone with no video or IT background at all, apart from that her friends and family had video production shops (although rumor mill told me that she and boss had a fling back in the days so she can do no wrong in her eyes) this person in now the number 2 (or 3 ) in the structure of the company, handling all the IT and vital areas which she has no clue to do. It was during this heated that i was told to chosse: demotion or resign. I of course being the idiot that i was, i chose the demotion and 2 months later, they manage to dig enough dirt to hold a kangaroo court to pass a termination judgment on me.

The fact the the whole DI is a frace and was done out of the procedures and regulations did not matter to the HR dept, they produly chogged away and asked me to answer for some misconduct done in Februray , of which i had answered and awas cleared of the charge then (if i wasnt then why the heck was i promoted 1 month later) The sheer "management skills"of the ED is dazzling, she kept hiding in her room, expressing sickness but having regular meetings with staff to dictate movements and even clsoed my department and withold my wage prior to my inquiry , talk about justice. RPK, i now know how you feel. I had brought many things to the company, when the old guard left and leaving the department bear and empty, i had on my own fought to bring it back.
Now, if you ask me about justice, the person who replaced me is a person with no event, marketing or IT background, he joined the company as show manager, of which he failed and moved to operations which he failed as well and then to HR and met with failure again. would any respected manager or director do something like this? or why would they? to me it was personally motivated, i attacked her old fling and taken a swap at her managment skills, i wonder, how this ED of mine, who LOST the company's money of the tune of over RM300,000 in 2008 because her number 2 stole it right under her nose, escaped unpunished and now im the victim as well. The company is losing ground badly, all thier promotions and marketing look like a cheap sale now, no prestige at all, all going cheap cheap and i wonder how she sleeps at night?

To cut a long story short, i of course lodged a complaint with the labour office and after raya ends, we will see what kind of compensation i can get, to me, justice is justice, if you dont like it then come out and say it, dont find false reason to make people with famliy to lose their jobs. you terminate on different grounds but you go and smear my name on different ground. come on la, just because you are ED does not mean your GOD and can do whatever you please and i shall make sure that you know it, i do not want anyone else to be a victim of this maddness. "Berani Kerana Benar..Lawan Tetap Lawan

In the End..Always a begining

Tomorrow I have been called to answer for some crap that happen months ago, this is what happens when the place you work turns on you. Imagine this:

·         You come from an international company, where you were GM and you decided to take the job because you wanted to retire.

·         You work your arse off and do things they never seen before, impressive? It’s harder than it is because your whole HOD support are idiots and cant find their own holes unless directed.

·         Then the team you work with goes off and your left all alone to bring the dept back to what it was before. With no database no handover…no staff and literally alone, you push and do your best.

·         Now after you set up the whole dept, frm a 1 man show to a 8 man team complete with a web team, video team and support team, they kick you aside and now they find all kinds of crap to nail ur arse.

·         All this because of position and jealousy …

 

Frankly I m just tired…home problems..hidden problems…now work problems..if not for the kids…I thk I go cukooo long time ago but I prevail and stand tall, tmr is gonna be hard but I have been attacked like this before but no so cowardly ..hiding behind HR managers and GM to do their dirty work..well if im going down..im sure to take a few with me. What do I do best? Promote and market..this includes highlighting the good and the bad of company and people…pray for me..God give me strength..

Mind FLick

It’s a been a while since I wrote, Well been busy, work and life taking its toll. Today, lets talk something that has been in my mind this past couple of days. Have I really become a softy? LOL. I mean people can seem to do what ever they want and frankly I am just CBF to do anything about it. They say one thing and do another thing, they take away your position but want you to do your job the same, want to know and check on everything but they also have duel lives which they want to keep it away from you. All this makes me wonder, have I really gone soft or has the world changed so much? If the world is changing so much then what kind of world will my children grow up in? I get scared when I read about girls being raped by a whole gang and it was their boyfriend that started it. Trust and commodity that is very hard to find and earn and keep. TRESURE it.

 

The world is hard enough as it is, the closer you think you are to the truth the further you are from it. Even in work, it is hard to maintain, there people always out to get you, waiting for the pitfall and mistakes, once it happens they jumped on it and shove it up your face. The best part no one and I mean NO ONE tracks the good stuff you did, just the bad stuff. You can do a million good things but 1 things goes bad and that is the one your stuck with. People are also unfair, its hard to find trustworthy people I guess, you know that it is an issue when you constantly feel used, when there is problem or when they need something then your on top but when your usefulness cease to matter then you get chucked aside. I want my kids to grow up with the right value in life, learn to appreciate the beauty of others, not only the fault of others, as sometimes it is their faults that attracted you to them in the first place. Nowdays, my soul is cold and lonely but my kids, their antics keep me entertained and fueled. Why people keep pushing you or hammering you for your old faults but its ok for them to keep their faults quiet or even have a separate private life that they want you out but everything you do have to declare, if not they snoop and dig. I have given up hope on this and for now, I just want to get by and raise my kids and improve my job, let the needs of my heart, soul and body go on fasting, its been months of fasting so what a couple months more, I leave to GOD and truly for the 1^st time accept what he delivers on to me. Let the demons play and try to advocate that there is some hanky panky going on, let them, I don’t really care anymore, Ramadan is coming and soon, my brothers and father would be able to come and visit, I want them to see their niece and nephew (grand daughter and grand son) if I suffer then let me suffer not my kids, if I die, let them grow up to be upstanding people, let them be honest people.

 

For what its worth, let us prepare for Ramadan and as this is the time of taubat and prayers, I want to try and do more, god knows I have negelated my brothers and father and grand parents for a long time, matters of the heart? I cant do much already, its slipping away, treat other like how you want to be treated and remember that GOD is there, so I leave it to him. Please god, prolong and give me more happy times and peaceful time, keep away the doubts and demons from me. Take care of us that are on your earth and keep those that you have taken close to you. AMIN.

Noah of the new world

NOAH and THE ARK

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living things along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.

Noah! He roared. I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, but things have changed.

First, I need to have a BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO. Then I needed a building permit from DBKL and also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit.

Then I've been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbours complained to The Malay Mail about the height of the Ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the headlines claiming that I've violated the neighbourhood building by-laws because my Ark is going to exceed the height limitations. I appealed to the magistrate and it was approved.

The Opposition then took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and they did nasty things with my face in the Internet. I don’t know how they managed to superimpose my face on a naked body with naked MP’s and portrayed it on the YouTube. Oh Lord you are the All Knowing and you know I did not take the photos of the MP.

Then there was another stop-work order even before I could start work. After that the Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan -- talks like him, acts like him, but is not him. He said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister -- the Apa Nama -- and can clear my name but I have to buy them tickets to Australia.

After clearing my name I had to again go to the DBKL Appeal Board for a decision to allow me to build the Ark.

Then the government, after approving the plans, said I must use only SIRIM approved goods and that I must buy from their list of CLASS F Bumiputera contractors and their prices are 15 times more expensive than the Chinaman hardware shop.

Then TNB and JPJ demanded that I post a bond for the future costs of moving power-lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.
 
Getting the timber for the Ark was another problem. SUKHAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said that there's a ban on the cutting local trees in order to save the Orang Utan.

I tried to convince SUKHAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the Orang Hutan but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an animal rights group sued me. JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and the animal rights group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that the accommodations were too restrictive and that it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then JABATAN KERJA RAYA and JABATAN KAJIAN DAN GALIAN ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental Impact Study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many Bumiputera contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to clear the area to build the Ark, six gangsters came and demanded protection money. They said they will control the area for the selling of drugs and the supply of prostitutes to my workers.

When I complained to the POLIS, the next day the IGP sent an ASP who came in full uniform. Unfortunately he also happens to be one of the six gangsters who were demanding protection money and so he doubled my protection fee.

Then there was a by-election and I was forced to become an UMNO member to get my permits approved and was made to pay a donation by the Barisan Nasional candidate in the so-called spirit of MUHIBBAH. Otherwise they will make life difficult for me.

Every department I turned to is asking what they call “Kopi Wang”.

I calculated that if I paid all the so-called “Kopi Wang” and also give them the donation they ask, the cost to build the Ark will be 20 times higher. But I refused to give them the “Kopi Wang” as I am faithful to you Oh Lord.

Then some top-level politicians became very disappointed with me for not giving them the donations and they started calling me a Murtad. I told them my name is Noah and not Murtad and they got very angry and said they have connections.

Suddenly I became a suspect in the murder of a Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to build the Ark and I was then arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, you mean you're not going to destroy the world?

No, said the Lord, the Malaysian Government beat me to it!

The choices we make..

“ Once upon a time there was a guy name maje, he worked hard and tried his best to provide for his family. As he grew up, he worked hard and one day a strange thing happen to him,

While walking back home, he found a magical lamp and upon rubbing it a genie came out.

“do I get 3 wishes?” asked Maje “No”said the genie, “you are to prove to me of your worth and the rewards shall be yours.” “tell me what is it that you wish?” asked the genie.

“A Happy life, with no shortages at all” answers Maje.

“Fine” Said the genie “Remember, you must not steal from the fruit bowl as it is for me” added the genie. “Although I may not be around, believe me when I tell you that I would know”

“Yes I swear by it” answer Maje.

“Go now and sleep for the night, and when you wake. You fortunes will change” says the genie.

 

After a good night sleep, Maje woke up fresh and eager, and suddenly all his touch turned to gold. He met Sari and they wed to be blessed with 4 children in 7 years. One Sunday morning, Maje accidently ate a grape from the genie’s bowl, he was fearful at first then it tasted so good that he said to him self” aa its only 1 grape a day, what harm could that be?” and every day, the 1 grape became two and later became three. He getting addicted to the grapes of the bowl.

One morning, Maje awoke with a start. For on his bedside, was the genie sitting beside him.

“I had asked you not to eat from the bowl but you disobeyed me. Your fortunes has changed this past 9 years., why Maje?” asked the genie.

“Everyman must be able to change no?cant we share the grapes?there is more than enough for the both of us.”says Maje

“No Maje, it is the principle of the matter, not the grapes, for your actions has shown your true heart and for that you shall have to answer. Although all this, your wife and children has been very kind to me and because of them I shall forgive you for your actions. Now, promise me that you will not eat from the bowl again.” Says the genie.

“yes! Yes! “answers Maji.

 

Although he had promise, Maje found himself unable to keep his promise, as he ate the grape, the genie appeared. “Why Maje?for this I wll take away that is very dear from you”

“Why cant we share it o Genie?”

“There is no compromise Maje, rules and responsibility are bound by god for a reason. Choose now”

Even posed with the question Maje, still had hope in his heart of heart that he could find away to have the grape and yet still keep what he had. What he didn’t know that the genie knew of this and with gesture, Maje was left on the streets, with the magical bowl of grapes but yet he lost his family. No matter how hard he tried to communicate with them, they would not be able to hear him and just walk pass him.

“Its is call the glass of life Maje, you can now eat the grapes to your heart’s content but your family shall never be able to see you or hear you. And though you can see them but that is the only thing you are able to do. For do not blame me, Maje, for the choice that brought you here was in your hand all the while and this is the choice that you made.” Said the genie as he disappeared into a puff of smoke.

Maje, just looked at his son’s wedding and heard how they had wish he was around to be there. He cried and cried but alas it was too late, the choice had already been made.”

 

-There is no such thing as no choice, we as humans are blessed with the power of thought and we are able to change our mind and our self, it is the choices we make that defines who we are. No matter you can be a drug addict but you always have a choice to either light the pipe or go home and face the music and stay on the right path, after all God had already been kind enough to provide us with the guide to happiness in life and death, Al-Quran.  Therefore, when life blows its storm to you and you find all the shutters close, take a moment and find the silver lining and remember, the choice is always yours. Be forewarned though, there is nothing easy in this world and the greatest treasures in the world, would require nothing less than the greatest sacrifice and hardest of choices.

 

Peace.

 

There was a time..

There was a time,

I had set my eyes on you and my heart stopped beating,
When my hand touched yours, my soul stopped quaking,
Amazed by your smile as it was captivating,
That was when i knew to you my heart i would be surrendering.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When we planned our marriage, the joy i had envision,
The work and sacrifices my brothers together in unison,
A lifelong plan we had made in all decision.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When our daughter my born that my life began anew,
When i gazed into your eyes as she cried for the first time,
I know the joy that can only be shared by a few,
Together i know that we will face the world as one.
There was a time.

There was a time,
When my son came into this world,
The hardship and pain suddenly was gone,
I vowed to work even harder for all of us,
There was a time.

There was a time,
I would have lay my life for you,
Do anything to chase away the blue,
for you&the family my love is true,
There was a time.

There was a time,
Even when you had hurt me so,
Still i gave my all to win you at all cost,
I had hoped and prayed that god would grant the wish,
No matter what had happen, i would have endured.
There was a time.

This time,
The pain is far much too bear,
To the kids i would have to be fair,
For all thier pain shall be mine to bear,
For the time for you has passed..
But alas, there was a time...




--
-Dare To Dream-

The circle of life

                Soon we be coming to the mid year, my how time flies. Soon my daughter will be 4 years old..sigh. anyway just to write on this rather depressing day. Depressing why? Its hard to say, its more like trying to achieve something that is beyond your reach? Many at times I had thought that it would be achievable but alas I was wrong…so here is my 2 cents

 

                Certain times in life, humans look for many things, many people question the meaning of life and the purpose of us being on this world.  For those who has lost loved ones at a young age, the question digs far deeply in once’s mind. The goal of life as someone once told me is to find that place in the circle. To understand your function and keeping up with the function. Therefore, however we think that we are in control, in actual fact we can only plan and let god and fate takes it course. Some makes decisions and stick with it while some makes decisions but change their mind half way, often hurting others around them. Is there a safe way out?is there a book for the newbies out there? Sadly not. We take advise from our elders, close friends and family as they guide us on this journey. Of course for me, there are times, I wish I could escape to the old glory days when I was in entertainment or during the high flying corporate times when I was running my IT firm but I chose this route and know that come what may, I will have to be here and make the best of it. Making the best of it is perhaps the hardest  thing to do. Its easy to run away and escape while convincing yourself that it is GOD’S will or this is the best avenue but we don’t see or miss something that would mean far more important to us in the future.

 

                Certain parts in my life, I missed many things, decisions that lead me away from my sick brother and losing him forever still haunts me in my sleep (heck even waking times) therefore what is our purpose? Our goals? The cycle is

·         child (study, obedient and all rounder good)

·         Youth (Family values, improving ourselves)

·         Young& Free (Time to try everything, safetly knowing that someone will catch us when we fall)

·         Career (work work and more work. Build up )

·         Love (Husband and Wife time, the love and tribulations of this part of your life is important as it is the building blocks for the future generation)

·         Family(pace slows down as you start to have family, putting the family above everything else)

·         Retired(This is the fruits of life, relax and let the family take care of you and enjoy the comfort and love that you have built in your life)

 

Though it looks easy and clear cut BUT there are 1000 million ways that things could go wrong, if not the world wont be filled with divorced people, infidelity people, runaway kids and what not. This are the hurdles that we have to focus as once we lose sight of our objective then  we will lose those that are so dear to us. Should life pushes you to hard, take a moment, take a deep breath and ask yourself “Why did I chose this path ?” then you will find your niat (purpose) and you will find your way. Many a times, I get too stuck on something such as my online game (times till wee hours and $$ ) but nowdays, thanks to path of god, love of the family I am able to sit back, and look at it. Gone are the days of working till morning, sacrificing family time for that extra 1000 or closing a deal, I know now that what ever $$ is not worth missing the joy or smile of my kids and once missed it will never come again.. Izzany,I wished I was there with you, I would trade everything I was doing (material work) and just pack and go by yourside without thinking what I will do once I got fired BUT yeah I would be really worth it, for only to hear your voice and smile for one last time.. love you bro.

 

 

Peace.

Your childs mind..

               

All children, whatever their age and ability, have the potential to be better at thinking and learning. You, the parent, can help your child by providing greater richness and diversity to your child.

"Your child will use many different kinds of thinking to help her achieve success in life. There are at least nine kinds of intelligence that power her thinking mind. Each has a physical location in the brain, and provides a distinctive way of thinking. Each one enables us to solve different kinds of problem and achieve different kinds of success in the world. These different intelligences enable your child to engage in different kinds of learning. Usually we think of ourselves as having one mind, but our minds are more like an orchestra in which different parts contribute. We are sometimes aware of the need to bring these different parts of the mind to bear on a problem. Your child's mind does not just have one voice and one set of thoughts, but different voices and different sorts of thinking. To make the most of her mind we need to be aware of these and of the abilities which derive from each kind of intelligence. Every child, male or female, from whatever background, has each of these nine intelligences.

Intelligences

The old view of intelligence is that it was fixed thing like a sort of motor of a fixed capacity that you were born with and which never changed. When they measured the power of this mental motor they called it your IQ. We now know that those ,with high IQs do not necessarily end up richer, happier or more successful than those with lower IQs. The brain is less like a motor of fixed capacity but more like a series of engines whose capacities are unknown. What counts is making the most of the engines (or intelligences) that power your child's mind, and home life plays an important role in achieving this. None of us has a brain that is working at full capacity; we all have mental capacities that are underdeveloped. We do not know what we might have achieved with the right help, enough time and sufficient stimulus.

What is musical intelligence?

Every kind of musical intelligence is different, and this is a different kind of intelligence from any other. Some musicians are good mathematicians, but some are not. Some research suggests that learning music will help your child be better at maths and reading. If your child concentrates on music it may help with other kinds of concentration. Playing an instrument may help physical co-ordination of hand and eye. Playing music with others may develop social skills. So developing musical intelligence may help develop other kinds of intelligence. But the best reason for bringing music into the life of your child is to develop his unique musical gift, his ability to make music and appreciate music.

Seeing more - Developing visual and spatial intelligence

"We should talk less and draw more," said Goethe. Drawing, copying, tracing and making pictures can help a child make sense of the world around her. Drawing also enables a child to make visible what is imaginary. Drawing and artwork can help to celebrate pleasures such as birthdays or parties, or enable a child to express worries and anxieties such as the ghosts and monsters of imagination. Drawing stimulates visual intelligence and can be a way through which a feeling for beauty, harmony and order is developed.

It is never too early to introduce your child to works of art, or to visit art galleries. We live in a visually rich environment, surrounded by images that clamour for our attention. The flickering pictures on the TV screen and the endless spectacle of adverts, signs and symbols create a visual overload that stimulates the eye but does not instruct the mind. Some children grow up never paying attention to anything. They don't have to. They are used to being force-fed by the televisual world that surrounds them. Children need help in attending to what is important in their visual environment. They need to be taught how to look, to sustain attention, to take in information, to see details, to learn from what is seen. They need to stop and look.