Dear Izzany,
Its been a while since I wrote to you, well, you would be 31 years old today. I am still dealing with the emptiness that you left behind. Mom and Ayah misses you a whole lot to, not to mention the uncles and cousins. I always get a lump in my throat when I play with my kids as I think how they are deprived of ever knowing you. Don’t get me wrong, of course I tell them about you but I guess in the end its your presence that leads the experience of knowing you.
Recently I went to Genting with the kids and hell, it reminded me so much of our time together. The rave party and the ever non stop rides that we use to take up there. They got this new ride now, something ala superman roller coster, I wish you been there and try it with me, yup your brother when on it as well. Heck, im not that old right? Remember when we made zaki go on one of the rides? Hahahah that is precious memory. Anywhow, from where you are, I am sure you know that I have a new baby boy, well not so new coz he going 2 years old soon. We named him after you Syed Nong Iddraqi (we changed the ZZ to DD and added a Q) but as I remembered in all our times , your name card was always Syed Izzany Nong so I combined the name and came out with that. As for Kak Long she is fine and now an important executive in Village Mall. Seems that is a sad and long story to tell you but I think you know.
I have been trying to pray more and somehow I cant seems to lose the emptiness feeling that I feel inside. I question everytime, why did you guys leave me? It is so hard without both of you and miss you both tremendously, well, not to be a mushy type but ya bro, I miss so much. A piece of news, Rizal got a baby boy on the 21st and ami jon got a girl on April Fool’s day. Ya life goes on and we get by. Ayah and mak is into farming now and if you were here, I would problay put you in Cinta Sayang with me because I am sure they could use your IT talents.
In life, I guess we never know how much we love someone till they are gone, seems that no matter how much or how many time we remind people, only a real reason of missing someone or knowing that you have screwed up is about the only way to really understand. When you have taken things for granted and get things your way, times we lose and forget ourselves. It is till God test that we understand it. Remember when we use to talk, I would ponder on the purpose on my life?i thought it was for the Lost Boys but I was wrong. After Lid was gone, I thought that my goal was to take care of you and Zaki but then I failed and you were both taken away, now something I hold dear is about to go as well, try as I might I don’t think it can be saved but all in all, the joy I get is through the joy of my children, no matter how hard life gets to me, their smile, cries and laughter fills my soul with joy and I will not fail them like I failed you guys. I will remain by their side and be the hand that keeps them from falling, the hand that pushes them forward and the hand that wipes away the tears when they cry. I just wish you were here bro, you and Zaki would be such an asset to them.
All in all, I wish you a happy birthday, Kierra and Iddraqi is still young to follow me on my visits to your resting place but insyallah, I will bring them to the path of god as I am slowly crawling my way there as well, look over us and do pass some kind words for your niece and nephew to the passing angels. Till then, remember that I love you and we all love, miss and pray for you everyday.
Wasalam
Abang.
24/4/2009
